LabaikAllah
When we were at T Chal's kenduri last week, we had a tazkirah on Hajj and Umrah; on how we are invited to become guests of Allah; that we don't just go there on a holiday as and when we please.
Blessed, I have had the opportunity to set foot on the 2 holy cities; Mekah and Madinah. But, unfortunate for me, out of the 5 days in Mekah, I only managed to perform a maximum of 3 days (3 times) of Umrah because the pills did not work well with my hormones, hence, the Monthly Red came to stay.
This story is going to be quite personal, and I do not know why I want to share it. But let it be a lesson to anyone who reads it.
For many years now, my dad has been keeping something to himself. But last weekend, he let it out in the open, when there was only the both of us left at home. He told me that since the last time we went for Umrah, he has been wondering why I was the only one who didn't get to perform Umrah like the rest. Though my Umrah wajib has already been performed, he still didn't get it why I was given such ujian, such halangan.
To me, it was the hormones. To him, he felt like I was not invited. At least not fully invited. It was as if Allah invited me to come to Him, yet at the same time, He didn't let me fully "meet" him. Like He wanted to see me, but He wanted me to want to see Him more.
I told my dad that I knew the reason.
Simply put - I wasn't ready.
I know that most people would now tell me, that when you get the opportunity to go to the Holy City, you ready yourself no matter what because not everyone gets that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. True that I was no small kid who couldn't think when we went in 2005, but the truth is that my heart really wasn't into it.
So many things happened there, which I have shared with only a few. All proof of how great Allah is. And yet, it didn't dawn on me back then. In fact, it didn't dawn on me of how "uninvited" I was until 2007 came.
Ironically, the revelation did not come when I was there in Mekah itself. It happened while we were in the UK end of 2007. I suddenly thought about the places we have been to when I was snapping photographs of my sister, and I knew that I would probably never ever go back to those places in this lifetime, ever again.
It made me think about how badly spent my time in Mekah was; on the things I could have done better. On the thoughts I could have thought better. On the prayers I could have said better. On whether I will ever get invited back there as a guest.
And that made me cry. Because it has been years since, and still, so far, no such luck.
Now that I know what Labaik Allah means, I know now that the next time I go there, I should take the opportunity to make amends for all my faults. To pray better. To resolve to be a better person. To take care of what I am thinking of. Because trust me, Allah listens. Even when you say it in your heart.
I long to be invited again.
Places like that change people like me. It doesn't matter when the change takes place or how. What's important is that the change is for the better, even if it's something people cannot really see. I long to "switch that lamp off". To finish my unfinished business.
Blessed, I have had the opportunity to set foot on the 2 holy cities; Mekah and Madinah. But, unfortunate for me, out of the 5 days in Mekah, I only managed to perform a maximum of 3 days (3 times) of Umrah because the pills did not work well with my hormones, hence, the Monthly Red came to stay.
This story is going to be quite personal, and I do not know why I want to share it. But let it be a lesson to anyone who reads it.
For many years now, my dad has been keeping something to himself. But last weekend, he let it out in the open, when there was only the both of us left at home. He told me that since the last time we went for Umrah, he has been wondering why I was the only one who didn't get to perform Umrah like the rest. Though my Umrah wajib has already been performed, he still didn't get it why I was given such ujian, such halangan.
To me, it was the hormones. To him, he felt like I was not invited. At least not fully invited. It was as if Allah invited me to come to Him, yet at the same time, He didn't let me fully "meet" him. Like He wanted to see me, but He wanted me to want to see Him more.
I told my dad that I knew the reason.
Simply put - I wasn't ready.
I know that most people would now tell me, that when you get the opportunity to go to the Holy City, you ready yourself no matter what because not everyone gets that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. True that I was no small kid who couldn't think when we went in 2005, but the truth is that my heart really wasn't into it.
So many things happened there, which I have shared with only a few. All proof of how great Allah is. And yet, it didn't dawn on me back then. In fact, it didn't dawn on me of how "uninvited" I was until 2007 came.
Ironically, the revelation did not come when I was there in Mekah itself. It happened while we were in the UK end of 2007. I suddenly thought about the places we have been to when I was snapping photographs of my sister, and I knew that I would probably never ever go back to those places in this lifetime, ever again.
It made me think about how badly spent my time in Mekah was; on the things I could have done better. On the thoughts I could have thought better. On the prayers I could have said better. On whether I will ever get invited back there as a guest.
And that made me cry. Because it has been years since, and still, so far, no such luck.
Now that I know what Labaik Allah means, I know now that the next time I go there, I should take the opportunity to make amends for all my faults. To pray better. To resolve to be a better person. To take care of what I am thinking of. Because trust me, Allah listens. Even when you say it in your heart.
I long to be invited again.
Places like that change people like me. It doesn't matter when the change takes place or how. What's important is that the change is for the better, even if it's something people cannot really see. I long to "switch that lamp off". To finish my unfinished business.
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