April 11, 2016


39 weeks and I'm pretty much still pregnant... hence the hashtag, obviously!


And just like with my previous pregnancy, many curious onlookers have asked me when I'm planning to take some time off and my answer is... when I give birth of course!

Thing is, my husband, though on standby mode, isn't around... so days alone at home get pretty long (much longer than I'd like them to be) plus with neighbours who work, it will be very dangerous if anything happens at home during the day because there'll be no one to help because no one will actually be around. So, I've decided to keep on working until the time comes... whenever that is, of course. 

Plus of course... there's still work on my table! Not sure why because I finished everything off in March and then April came and everything is suddenly unfinished again. So, to avoid feeling guilty during my pre-approved 3 months leave (BIG HOORAY THERE!) towards my colleagues who have been crazy wonderful, I'm trying to finish off the remaining bits of my paper so that if I go into labour before the weekend comes, they'll at least have a first draft to work on. 

We're actually physically ready for  Adik Baby's arrival. Cot's been assembled, clothes are washed, home's been thoroughly cleaned and my husband and I have gone through our "nesting" process; some kind of pre-birth "ritual" we go through at Ikea each time baby's EDD is near... but the baby's still.not.out.yet.

And truth is, I don't really mind that much because like I said before, I'd like for Adik Baby to bake in the oven for as long as she needs to be fully developed and healthy... although I've got to say that the questions burning in my head i.e. how will labour be for me this time round... will there be a bloody show like the last time or will my water break... where will my water break... what on earth does water breaking feel like anyway???... will my husband make it back on time for Adik Baby's grand entrance... would Luqman be okay... and most importantly how I'm going to cope as a mom of 2... are really just killing me a little inside.

But, having said that... my mom has been advising me to keep in mind that the baby can hear me and that if I keep up being scared etc., she might think I don't want her to come out, which isn't the case at all, obviously! So, I'm trying my best to keep on being positive about the outcome of things, hoping that things will turn out okay in the end. 

Meanwhile, please pray for this #stillpregnant mom, okay! 

39 weeks, 2 days and (for now) counting.

April 05, 2016

you will always be my baby.

As he falls "out of love" with me... or rather more in love with everything else in his life... I find myself falling more and more in love with him and his antics. 

My "baby" is now officially no longer an infant, nor a toddler. He is a preschooler -- and one who does me proud with how well he's growing up. 

As I spent time with him on his 4th birthday (2nd April 2016) and received numerous throwback posts and photos from FB, I became more and more convinced that all the time, energy, sweat and tears we have spent on him is totally worth it (I know I've said it before but yeah I just can't seem to say it enough, I guess...).

I'm not really sure how we got from those rough patches in our relationship to here... but I can no longer imagine a life without him. And I'm not sure now who's the one who needs the other more... though I'm not ashamed to admit I might be the one who's more needy. 

You may have outgrown my lap, my boy, but you will never outgrow my heart. 

And in my heart, you will always be my (first) baby. Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of unconditional love... and for always making me work towards becoming a better version of myself. 

We love you so much baby, you know we always do. 

April 01, 2016

considering a different kind of binge.

38 weeks this weekend, which means there's about 2 weekends to go before I pop -- if all things go well, which I obviously continuously pray for.

Speaking of praying... 

The other day, I thought about how much I would miss praying when in confinement because well, most of us would have to go through a period in which we wouldn't be allowed to pray, which in my case is normally really long.

I noticed that most pregnant women would binge-eat before they gave birth because they say they would miss all those "forbidden foods" during confinement and OF COURSE I am no exception, but somehow... after that revelation, I kind of thought maybe I should consider binge-praying too.

Sometimes though, I notice how people (sadly other Muslims) make making prayer seem like such a big.unattainable.deal. that people taking baby steps like myself tend to believe that our baby steps are just not enough

Thing is, who are we (humans) to decide whether or not one's prayer is enough

"Our Lord descends during the last third of each night to the lower heaven, and says: 'Is there anyone who calls on Me that I may respond to him? Is there anyone who asks Me that I may give unto him? Is there anyone who requests My Forgiveness that I may forgive him?'" -- Y A S M I N  M O G A H E D; Reclaim Your Heart

I talked this out with a few of my Very Trusted and I was encouraged when they told me to carry on. After all, "amalan yang disukai Allah, adalah yang terus menerus (istiqamah) walaupun sedikit...". Well, at least that's what I've gathered from my reading.

And although I've got to admit that maintaining consistency is difficult, I'm also happy to report that these one-to-one prayer sessions have borne fruits -- and better still, immediately, unexpectedly and precisely -- as in specific answers to questions and requests. If you asked me, that is A M A Z I N G, to say the least. 

Well, anyway. Here I am at (almost) 38 weeks, still standing. It's been a somewhat different third trimester experience for me this time round and although I am hoping that my labour would be just as uneventful as the last, I think I am mentally prepared if things don't turn out the way I want them to because "Allah knows and you know not...". 

I'm on the final leg of this journey so please do wish us the best of luck!