These past 2 weeks have been an amazing time for my little family.
Despite the amount of convincing I had to do at the office, I managed to get my long leave approved... just because I needed to take a break. Not sure what kind of music I'll be facing when I get back to the mothership on Monday... but I know that it'll be worth it.
And to make use of this long break, we held a little Birthday Lunch for our kids with family and close friends, we went on a little holiday by the beach, we huddled to sleep together on the daily, played house and let the kids have extended bedtimes, just for the fun of it.
During this break, I've also been able to have some real conversations with my husband about all the things that matter; life, future, properties and religion.
And on the topic of religion, we talked about what it felt like to feel so "removed" from Allah.
Because truth to be told, of late, I have felt that way one too many times. And I don't know why.
Well, even if I did know why, there's actually very little that I can do to change it -- and therein lies the problem.
Because you see, as a mother, you are required to give 200% of yourself to motherhood -- even when you don't want to. So, being a "single parent" means that you've got to give double the attention and TLC to your kids, which means that you'd have very little of anything left to yourself... including time with your God.
I know that children shouldn't be the reason but anyone who's been in my reality would know that I don't at all intend to use my children as a reason and honestly, I really miss time with my God.
Having some time off from work gave me time to think about how to improve my relationship with God. Because like I said before, I miss my time alone with Him. So, I figured, even if I could no longer spend hours in prostration to Him, maybe I could just open up to Him right before I sleep and pray -- as in pray hard and submit to Him wholly (tawakkal) with hopes that whatever deeds I have done for the day would be enough.
And so, my journey of total submissiveness began. While putting my kids to sleep, I prayed,
"Ya Allah, please help me Ya Allah. I don't know what else I should do."
And that is really all it took.
Total submissiveness was really all that was required for Allah to bring light on my plight.
Therefore, I am writing this today so that (you and) I shall never forget the 4 promises -
(1) Remember Me, and I will remember you;
(2) Ask Me, and I shall give you;
(3) If you give thanks, I will give you more; and
(4) Allah will not punish them while they seek forgiveness.
So, whatever you do, whatever you problems, don't give up on praying.
It really isn't too late to ask.