February 20, 2007

first child syndrome

My uncle owns this really cool Gibson old school electric guitar. He has a cool computer with great tracks in it, and he has a Marshall amplifier. He has this whole study dedicated to himself, with all the things I mentioned above in it. And my brother happens to have this indisputable talent in music. Be it with the piano, or with the guitar. Totally and completely indisputable. Or is it undisputable? Forgive my confusion of words, if there is any difference.

I used to learn music. I played the piano once, and went all the way until Grade 5. And then, I left for boarding school, where I had little space to practice, not so great tutors, and not much opportunity to show off my talent. I also happened to be busy serving the school that I had not much time to spare. Thus, I left my classes, stopped practising, and never got the chance to learn how to play by ear, or combine 2 chords together to create a melody of my own. I always, always have to refer to my books. And even with that, I only know a handful of songs, which I am not so proud of, to begin with.

My sister plays the piano too. Her talent’s nowhere close to my brother’s, honestly. But she plays way better than me, that’s for sure. Perhaps her passion for it isn’t as deep as my brother’s. But nonetheless, she draws well, even if she can’t play that well. She draws so well, that she keeps comic books of her own creation. She has so many ideas, that the Form 1 English Drama this year was a great success. (of course she couldn’t have done it without the whole of her batch). But still, I was told by her friends that she did help a lot during practices. And that she was a good director.

I, on the other hand, though I was the assistant director once upon a time ago, did not, and never quite got such remarks from my fellow batchmates. In fact, I think they used to hate me because I had such a tough time managing the whole thing. And I made it tough for them, of course.

I know I shouldn’t feel bitter because after all, they are my siblings and I should want nothing BUT the best for them. I DO want the best for them, and don’t get me wrong, I AM happy that I have such amazing siblings. But tell me now; is it reasonable for me to feel somewhat like a failure amongst them? The fact that the only talent I have in music is singing along to some song on the radio, while drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, and the closest to creative that I am, is scribbling 5-petalled flowers at the side of my lecture notes when I am bored in class.

And the fact that I am still confused whether it should be un- or in-disputable. The fact that the only talent I may have is crapping my heart out.

February 19, 2007

are you worried?

Does the future worry you?

Because it worries me, yes, it does really worry me. I just came back from late lunch with my siblings and my cousin. I spent almost 10 bucks on a small meal, which I didn’t really finish, because I was full. Every single day, I spend 15 bucks, sometimes more, on my food. Per month, I spend approximately 300 bucks minimum on food alone. I concentrate on food a lot because I love to eat, yes, I really do love to eat. And the next favourite thing on my list is of course, phone credit which I have lost track of how much I use per month.

Nowadays, things cost too much. The value of the Ringgit in my opinion has dropped to the point that anything which cost 1 buck, no matter how small or skimpy or not worth it and little, is considered cheap anyways. The depreciation of the value of the Ringgit; to me is the scariest phenomenon at this point in time.

Probably I should be thinking about the bigger picture, the world market, investment, trade and stuff like that, but truthfully, I’m no good at those things. I can’t even properly figure out Malaysian company law yet. So, I’m just thinking of how it’s affecting me directly; I start small scale.

But anyhow, coming back to what I said about the future, don’t you think it’s worrying, the fact that we are fighting so hard (most of us are, anyways) to save but at the same time wanting nice things? I can’t figure out why and how our parents were able to save once upon a time ago, and at the same time afford having things they really wanted, when right now, we even have to think really hard about buying something we really need.

Perhaps I’m not really in the position to complain; after all, I do come from a family with middle-class income, and that my suffering is nothing more than those who eat snails and carry and sell woodsticks for a livelihood, like the ones we see in Bersamamu. But I’m thinking; if I have to suffer just thinking about the future, what kind of suffering are they going through? Is it possible that they’re just taking one day at a time, hoping for things to eventually get better; hoping that they could be rescued from the slumps they live in..? Perhaps, but I guess, I’ll never really find out. God Forbid, I hope I never will have to find out for myself.

The point is, I really wish I could do something about things becoming more expensive and Malaysian Ringgit becoming less valuable, but I can’t, which sux big time. I think I’ve actually figured out why I don’t really like going to malls nowadays, (besides the fact that I feel like grabbing everything that I like in the mall without having to pay, *how I wish*) is because every time I go grocery shopping or just shopping in general, I’ll keep on thinking of how the hell I’m supposed to bring up children into this cruel, cruel world.

Bringing children into this world is no big deal, honestly, and I think we’re all old enough to how the magical attraction between men and women may result in children being born, but to bring them up? Isn’t it scary that we might not be able to feed them with formula milk, buy them school books and uniform, and eventually give them their own pocket money for them to taste McD? I find it exhaustingly tough to save up so that I can pay my own fees at the end of the semester, and to buy books recommended by my lecturers. What if I decide to have children? How do I pay for them? How do I feed their little tummies when I can’t do so decently enough to myself?

Worried now? Or are you not? Be worried, unless you’re filthy rich. And even if you’re filthy rich, that money might not last, and eventually, you’ll have to work your way up, which is also scary. But this shall be discussed later, in another entry. I have a massive headache just thinking about this worrying thing.

it's as beautiful day

I was lazing on the couch downstairs, this morning, thinking I had written a wonderful piece to post. But after rereading it time after time, I realised that it just wasn’t me. So, I decided to write another, thus you are now reading this.

I don’t have much to tell, really. For some reason, since after I created this new blog, I lack things to share, as if I’ve simply ran out of things to ramble about, which absolutely beats the purpose of this whole blog thingy.

So, since I’m good at rambling, I decided not to oppress that “talent” =)

The week has been more than a good one. I started Monday with my birthday, where I spent the day with those who matter and those who think I mattered enough to be with me on that day. It was the simplest celebration yet, but I loved the day nonetheless. I was actually sad to see it go. And for some reason, this year, my excitement is somehow exceptional. Even with the “obvious-won’t go away” eyebags, and “starting to get flabby” arms, and the here to stay- “perasan gemuk”, I’m simply loving it. I guess life really is picking up, and I’m thankful.

This weekend is especially nice too, since Kecik is home and so is my bro, and so am I, so with entire quorum, the house is pretty crazy, and noisy and alive, which is a good thing, by the way. We actually had a mini concert yesterday, after dinner. Hehe. Yes, we are a crazy bunch of people who really love each other.

Other than that, we’re all just lazing around all over the house. Planning to go out tonight to celebrate my belated birthday. Hope Nina can join us too =) (she’s my little cousin, by the way, who happens to be here, visiting my sister).

Well, people, let’s hope I get more creative by the end of tonight. Law books really are taking a toll on my brains. All I can think of right now is preferential shares. Hihih.

Have a lovely day everyone!

February 12, 2007

it's just numbers

I turn 22 today, and I don’t think I’ve been this excited to celebrate a birthday! To me, all those years which have passed have meant nothing more than ageing, being old, and piling on more responsibilities. For some reason, this year, I simply think of it as nothing more than numbers, and I’m taking it as another chance to live and love life to the fullest. I really hope this year turns out to be a better one than the past. I really, really do!

So, to celebrate my 22nd birthday, I’ve decided to create a new blog. I guess I’ve gotten tired of people “accidentally finding” my blog, and reiterating my ramblings in real life. I don’t really mind, really, but some posts are just a tad bit embarrassing, that I’d appreciate it if people didn’t discuss things I wrote at the spur of the moment, especially. Anyhow, I hope this new one would be a more matured one, where more matured discussions and entries would be posted. (though I doubt it!) But I guess a little bit of rambling wouldn’t hurt, for what is this life without crap, correct? (that’s better, hihihihi)

Frequent visitors of my former blog would probably be wondering where I’ve been to, for my entries have been scarce of late. To cut a long story short, the semester began with a hectic start, that’s all. And it has been pretty tough to get internet connection, with me being in Shah Alam almost all the time, which is not a bad thing, really. (internet sways me into a direction I shouldn’t be swaying towards!) All has been good, and I couldn’t be more thankful for my blessed life.

Well, folks, That’s all for now. I am pretty sure I’ll have plenty to write, soon. Toodles, everyone. Happy Birthday to Me, yeay!