January 29, 2010


My mom says, there will be a point in your life when you will feel so... settled.

I don't quite get her. But I'm trying to grasp what she means. What does feeling so settled feels like? What does it take to feel settled? What is it that is so settling about being all settled?

I do not know. 

Because obviously, with daily ramblings about frustrations with work and people in general,  I am far from settled.

I did a little bit of bloghopping today. I found something in a stranger's blog which tugged at my heartstrings and makes me want to cry and smile at the same time.

I think I now understand at least, the concept of being and feeling settled.

I didn't know it could be that simple. How very settling.

January 28, 2010


I find this whole blocking affair absurd. One minute they are blocking everything. The next thing I know, everything is free for all and sundry. And now, apparently there’s a new policy which blocks early in the morning and late in the evening.

I don’t quite mind the latter because I know of people who stay back in the office just to surf the net. Now, offices are practically empty 6 p.m. onwards because there’s not much else to do anymore, is there? So that actually makes me quite happy.

What I don’t understand is the blocking until past 7.30 a.m. Because some of us (who aren’t even supposed to come this early), do come as early as 7.15 a.m. and this is the only time for me to read yesterday’s online papers to keep abreast with all the current issues (as per arahan sini sana). Now, I can’t do that because I have no access anymore.

What I further don’t understand is that Najib actually wants to connect with “fans” via twitter and FB, and yet, our offices are blocking those applications. Kenapa PM boleh main FB tapi kitaorang tak boleh? Aren’t we also contributing to the development of the country and the civil service?

This is really irking me and I’m bordering on insanity. Herrgh. Breathe, breathe.

Oh, maybe someone just hacked my computer because access to internet granted. Fuh. No FB still, but that really doesn’t bother me as much as not being able to just go online.

Anyway, have you heard of the song “two is better than one?” Of course you have. It’s on replay on radio stations and in a day, it will be played at least once. Have you ever wondered what genre it belongs to? I didn’t wonder until that question was posed on air (can’t recall which radio station though).

And brace yourselves… because it’s called…




Haha. Funny okay. I thought that it was funny anyway. When I told Anep about this last night, he started to think that perhaps he would have to reclassify the type of songs he sings with his band.

The rest of you with bands might have to do that too. I have a strong feeling that a lot of us are actually singing whiny rock.

As for my kind of genre?

I’m just whiny. Hee hee.

Off to work I go. 8 p.m. two nights in a row is no fun. Terima kasih Abdul kerana hantar saya balik malam tadi (walaupun Mama yang suruh ngeee).

January 27, 2010

8 documents.

Okay, finally some time off. I spent the entire morning and afternoon in my boss' room again because we are trying to beat the deadline to submit a piece of work. I have come to understand bit by bit what the assignment is all about and it doesn't feel so bad after all :). Good for me! And  thank goodness for self-motivation and lots of prayers!

Thanks for the kind and comforting words too, regarding my frustrations with working life. I guess we'll all go through it sooner or later. No matter how much we love our jobs, right? Kalau tak, saya kira anda kurang normal. That's my personal opinion anyways.

Well, anyways. I don't know why I forgot to write about this good news yesterday though I saved this image with the intention to, but I guess it's never too late to be a proud "Old Girl"! I am so happy that we are listed as Top 20 as it has been quite some time since we last appeared in the papers. I'm sure this has something to do with the outstanding performance of our little Form Four sisters there (which includes my sister, chewwwah, nak jugak bangga adik sendiri tu) because they did really, really well for their PMR.

I just submitted 8 documents this morning, which will determine my future, so I'm happy about that alright!

Other than that, I am pining for Theodore, whose sitting idly at home, waiting for some love. I am finding it hard to be a tourist in my own country. I think it's difficult to appreciate the Blue Putrajaya Bridge or the Lakeclub or PICC for the matter, though they are so close to me, simply because I see them all every.single.day. Talk about taking things for granted.

The only subjects which I love (and love to be) photographed are my friends (THANK GOD!), if not, I would have lost all reason to keep Theodore.

I've also decided against buying more gadgets, taking heed of the advice of people who tell me that the money could be put to better use (which excludes my dad because he is in the opinion that I am entitled to do whatever I want with my money since I earned it but that's besides the point).

Back to work. Let's hope tonight will be earlier than 8 p.m. I seriously need a jog. Ada berita tak dari Captain futsal?

January 26, 2010

least favourite

Woh. Satu pagi suntuk duduk dekat bilik boss untuk discuss one of my least favourite topics; Company Law. I think they know that I am so blur-ish about it sebab setiap kali mereka beri pendapat memberangsangkan, nampak sangat mulut saya ternganga in awe. I have to learn to work harder to understand the things I dislike.!

Which is susah because Company Law is the one thing that always brought my grades down dulu-dulu.

Last night Mamita ajak dinner di Pappa Rich. Wah, memang telepathetic kerana saya benar-benar teringin assam laksa tapi takda siapa available masa lunch. Okay, tipu. Ada la orang available, tapi orang bukan Putrajaya cuba datang sini waktu gaji masuk. Tengok sikit tahan tak cari parking dan bersesak dengan semua orang yang dapat gaji sekaligus. Ha... belum cuba belum tahu. So, of course takda siapa pon yang teringin nak keluar pada hari masuk gaji (kecuali orang keluar tu la of course).

Anyway, of course I ordered assam laksa and it arrived quite promptly, which was good! Cuma colour dia adalah super menakutkan; it was dark red! Haip.Tapi makan jugaklah, dah order kan. It turned out to be super pedas, which in turn has upset my tummy dan sehingga sekarang my tummy is pedih. Haish.

Baru dapat 2 berita gembira. Lagi sorang futsal gang nak bertunang this February. Amboih, ni memang kisah jangkitan yang baik ni. Tapi kamu orang ni suka betul langkah bendul kan. Cuba tunggu-tunggu sikit Kakak. Haih laaa....

Lagi satu berita gembira akan diwarwarkan come March. Buat masa sekarang tak payah la nak teka-teki teka-tekuk pula okay.

Okay, sekarang nak kena learn to love the subject I don't like kerana work is work. So, adios kepada post tidak bermotif ini.

January 25, 2010

papercuts to the heart.

I'm always thinking and wondering.

What if I didn't work as hard as I did. After all, where I am, these individual efforts take time to get recognition. Everyone is accorded the same treatment no matter how good or how sucky one is. It is never quite about the individual. Efforts more or less, go down to waste because not many people are ready to admit that your existence relieves a burden.

Increments go by batches, not performance. Understandably so, with approximately 3,000 staff nationwide, extra individual attention is something one should not expect too often. Or ever at all. It's just the way things work.

But everyone has the disease of "seeing only what they want to see". When someone like me takes off work earlier than usual, it becomes a point of contention; as if it is the most gruesome crime ever committed. Yet, when I forgo my own birthday celebration and stay back until 11, does anyone even want to know?

When I tell the absolute truth about something, people take offence. The statements I make are repeatedly said time and time again, and by the time the last person hears it, it would be a totally and completely different version than what I really said.

Yet, when some other people lay out the truth, their opinions are accepted, even if it was said in the rudest, most frank way possible. If you knew me well enough, you would know that I am far from rude. Blunt, but never rude. So, how come I didn't get away?

I'm wondering whether I should be flattered or annoyed when I am called to do petty things which no one else wants to do. I'm wondering whether it would make a difference to me as a person. I am naturally not a very calculative person, yet I am recalculating my decisions. I have had enough of people telling me that it is all about the experience. Because trust me, it doesn't make much of a difference to anyone around here. At least none that I know of.

I am sorry if I am being recognised but haven't noticed it. It just means that you haven't been telling me enough.

I am not in the position to quit my job. Though I don't have many things on my platter to think of,  I would not be me if I wholly depended on my family for money. I am not in the position to quit this position after almost 2 years because rumour has it that the experience gets better over time. Oh, really.

I am wondering what I should seek wisdom in or who.

It's annoying if I can't even stand KS's voice because hearing his overexcited conversations with the ghost every single day is really getting to me. And he's the one who gets away with everything and still receives the same benefits as myself.

If I were not as conscientious as I am. Or as hardworking. Or as bloody good. I know that it wouldn't make much of a difference.

Yet, I know that then, I wouldn't be me at all.

One day, I want to work in a paper shop making cards. Then, when I get bored of it, you'll hear me blog about how I hate getting papercuts.

People just need a break I guess. And I need mine just about now.

a sigh of lega.

Fuh. Lega, lega, lega.

That is all I can say. Lega because my immediate boss is on leave. Probably sick leave. I pity her, but that means I'm allowed more time to complete this task I got, which I haven't gotten around completing yet.

Lega because the Bigger Boss is also on sick leave and that means the meeting today is postponed and that means we can buy more time to complete the Report.

I am totally lega. We had a long Friday evening. I planned on joining si budak-budak sayang for the Jan-Feb birthdays, but I couldn't even attend my own birthday celebration because the meeting went on until 11 p.m. I even brought a change of clothes sebab excited sangat nak pergi join. Oh, well.

Tough luck? Iyeap!

At first, I planned on bringing some work home, but I just couldn't stand the sight of work anymore. I was just exhausted, I guess.

So, here I am. Feeling so relieved. It helps that our pay is already in today! Happy gila!

I am looking for an answer. And everyone has been giving obvious answers. I normally don't see obvious answers because I like to dig into the matter and make it more complicated than it really is. But this time around, I have a feeling that... it really isn't as obvious as it is. Surely. If not, I am positive that people would have gotten it right.

I feel like dancing to this particular tune. But it's our secret song. You would have to wait to hear it.

My heart is so full.

And I know this is random.But I am still lega nonetheless.

January 23, 2010

secret garden?

if i have secrets to keep, i'd like to be the one to break it.

thank you for spoiling my magic.

January 22, 2010

aquarians are normal, the rest of the world is weird

(I got that off my 13 year old Garfield t-shirt. Pear's got one for a Taurus as well)

I’ve never believed much in horoscopes, but sometimes, I can’t contain my awe as to how accurate they can be. Probably all those years of research and observation has made the astrologists’ predictions somewhat spot-on (though some are obviously still off tangent altogether of course).

The majority of the people to whom I am close to are Aquarians, Taurians and Saggitarians. But most fall under the Aquarian group, I am positive of that. And I always thought that that’s only because we’ve been friends for so long, so we sort of don’t have any choice but to love each other.

Only off late, I noticed that that is not the case. Aquarians just love each other. Period.

Aquarians have a sense of camaraderie with each other, which most of the time, goes unspoken. It’s the healthy kind of “I-scratch your back-you scratch mine back” kind of attitude, which makes us want to save each other no matter what. As if we are obliged although clearly, we aren’t.

I love it how there is this understanding in each silence, each syllable spoken and each gesture. Every little thing matters because we all have a slight, if not a lot of penchant for minute details. Intuition is our game; yes sirree. That is just who and what we are.

It’s amazing how we can be stuck in holes of deep sh!t at one time, and still have an Aquarian pulling us up again. We’re one and the same just like water; as clear as our sign indicates. We’re like lemonade (or insert other cold drink of preference) on a hot day. And we’re each other’s lemonade, if you get what I mean.

But there’s a danger in being water. There’s always a possibility of spilling over under high pressures. And sometimes, it can be as catastrophic as the tsunami hitting the beach.

//picture googled.

January 21, 2010

everybody knows.

It's amazing. Everyone knows. Everyone. What about? I don't think I'm silly enough to disclose. It's (ironically) to a certain extent flattering, yet at the same time, it sort of makes me a little bit sick. And tired. And I am not complaining. Promise.

Day 3 of trying my hardest to quit but. Milk (still) makes me sleepy. I slept the moment I arrived at the office today. And I slept early last night. So, it's not because of bedtime.

Everyday is passing by me in a sluggish pace. Is it like this for everyone come New Year? Maybe.

I've never stuck earphones in my ears for this long. Or this often. It's as if I get swamped in my own little world the moment the music is on. Which is good because then, I get to concentrate the fullest. Even if is blasting. It's better than listening to a neighbour's conversation in a language which I cannot make head and tail of. Plus, this makes up for all those times I should have gone for walks or jogs, but can't because I arrive home too late for that. And much too late for everything else as well really.

3 6 5 is due for service. That would be a good reason for me to take some time off, no? Yes. My consolation to all of this is that my pay will be in come Monday. But I have learnt my lesson. I will not take out bulks of money and think that I still have money in my account. 

This year, I must be frugal. To be frugal, I can only go to malls once in a blue moon, to get things I need. Want is out of the question. I will ask my mom for a gadget for my birthday this year, though. Or maybe a few gadgets. You know what they are obviously. Right? But other than that, I must sit tight, and sew my pockets shut.

Lebih baik tak payah baca dari tadi sebab this post has no motif pon. It's only 10.30. And I'm already quite exhausted.

Mungkin satu lagi kalau perasaan ini tak hilang nanti petang. Bai.

January 20, 2010

akak, akak.

Me: Adik, adik ada lagu Fifteen tak?
Adik: Ada. Nak?
Me: Nak. Adik, tolong download lagu All the Singelet.
Adik: (surprisingly she understood. dah duduk lama sangat with me) Ala, Akak download la sendiri.
Me: Tapi akak dah lama tak download lagu.
Adik: But why?
Me: Since pergi Kursus on Copyright, rasa macam tak baik pulak nak download lagu from internet. Lagi-lagi kalau local artist.
Adik: ':)
Me: What????!
Adik: So, apa beza mintak tolong orang lain download?
Me: (obviously dumbfounded)

Why do little sisters have to be so smart. Adik, balik cepat. Dah boring la takda siapa nak buli dekat rumah.


21 minutes. That's the amount of time I have.

I have something that I must, by all means submit upstairs, but today is (quite) a lazy day. To be honest, I would like nothing more than just to curl up in bed with a good book. It doesn't help that I'm sleepy.

Quitting coffee is becoming more and more out of the question. Even if I didn't feel as sleepy as I am right now, I keep thinking about it. It haunts me. I will have to forget what it does to my system and I believe that I shouldn't be too worried anyway, since one cup a day is all I consume. I'm still going to drink tea for secret reasons though.

Last night, before I went to bed, I got a call from an anonymous number. Naturally, I hesitated to answer, but I picked it up anyway. I was met with silence from the other end of the line. Pffftt. I'm suspecting that it was my brother. But the lines have been really bad lately and that has hampered us from our gayut sessions.

Last night, I thought of all the people I have shut out of my life. Both for reasons known and unknown. I have a belief that if I cannot stand someone, the best way is by laying low and staying out of the radar. It's not really a good practice and of course, it doesn't solve problems, but it sort of works. As temporary as the effects may be, it works. Really.

It's clear that my inspirations have run dry of late. I think it's time to take some time off, but tell me again, when would that be?

January 19, 2010

the reformed addict.

(or so I thought).

It's been a while now, hasn't it? (a while considering how I normally update, or course).And I've been okay. Truth is, I had quite alot to say yesterday, but the internet in the office was down throughout the evening. We couldn't do much of course, because we couldn't even print cases to read, etc., so I did the remaining of my work and went for a little cikin dance with Abdul. After-work dates like these really lift me up, you know. Betul-betul the cure to a bad day.

Went home and met with some sad news. My helper of almost 11 years decided that she needed to take a break from us to go back to Indon so that she could help out with her brother's business. She said she might come back, but I cried my eyeballs out last night because hey, this is the person we all run to when we have problems. She's practically family. My friends who frequent my place would understand this, of course. Memang sedih tak terkata. End of story because bile is rising in my throat.

As for the reformed addict... I feel like it's time for me to quit coffee, actually. I thought I would begin today, but these attempts are quite futile to say the least. I've started drinking milk, but milk makes me sleepy. So, I have to drink coffee to keep me awake. So, I can't quit coffee and tea doesn't work well on my tummy. So there goes. I don't even know why I bothered explaining.

But I will try a new tea diet for secret reasons which are known only to a few... like me, my colleague Da and... Abdul maybe. Let's see if it actually works for the secret reason.

On another note, where do I find ready-made Turquoise baju kurung? I am so dead. One month to search. Good luck to me.

January 17, 2010

fuzzy wuzzy.

Last night, I was at my auntie's place for atuk's birthday. I had been excited about it for the entire week because I hadn't met my cousins since Raya Haji! Such a record. So, I was really waiting for last night to finally arrive.

As usual, we get nothing less than good food when we go for family potlucks because everyone sort of brings their favourite dishes (and atuk's as well). The biskut cornflakes and all else chocolate were obviously big hits with the Cucus for obvious reasons.

And the company... aaaah. I smile thinking of last night and how good it is to know that no matter how much older we grow, we're all still the same little girl underneath it all. It's nice to know that no matter how sucky the world got, you've always got family watching your back. Bliss!

We met Fah's new beau last night and I must say, he is one smart guy, who can be quite bad for our (mine and Becka's) self-esteem. But I have a good feeling he's good for Fah. Different, but good. He's got a firm handshake too, so that's a good start ;)

We played so many games last night and I've finally come to the conclusion that my creative side of the brain is quite grossly underutilised. I overthink things and never think that the conclusion is on the surface as I see it. But this morning, I logged on to FB and read Becka's status update. And the lightbulb just lit! It dawned on me that there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just different! Hahaha.

Well, anyways. We played some personality quizes last night, and that made me realise that I don't have that many expectations in life. The biggest expectation was probably Eric Bana? Hahaha. I know it's just a game but what it reflects is sort of worrying. But, like we were assured last night, IT.IS.JUST.A.GAME.

I've got to stop over-analysing the issue.

I do have explanations though as to why I limit my dreams. Really. Because sometimes, when I dream too much, I get frustrated. The simplest things frustrate me, like how I'm supposed to have a futsal session today and then, it was cancelled. It's beyond anybody's control, but it frustrates me. So, there goes.

Eih. This was not supposed to be for that purpose. Whatever it is, I am so glad we met last night sayangs. We took less photos than usual, but it was still best gila nonetheless. Jums buat makan-makan lagi. Whose house is next?!

January 14, 2010

theodore and friends.

Tsk. I forgot to bring Theodore today. Okay, so I did see him in the camera bag before I switched the light off this morning on my way to work, but I didn't think I would need him now. Okay, I don't really need it, really, considering the nature of my job, but sometimes, during these mundane hours, there are things which capture my heart, which I should make immortal. Oh, well.

The camera fever is back again. The last time I felt like this was during Ramadan when I just HAD to have the prime lens. And I finally got it. Ahhhhh. Suka! And now, I want the wide-angle lens because they give such dramatic effects to the photos!

This is all because I'm in the habit of photoblog-hopping these days. Some of the photos they capture are really exquisite, I tell you. And the most amazing thing is that I am sure that they didn't need to tweak or edit it too much to make the photo look breathtaking. Just the kind of photographers I like, yeap!

Because I don't edit my photos either (cheewwwah, berlagak photographer padahal tak pun). I believe that the raw photos are the best (unless there is an exceptionally dire need for editting of course. dah kalau buruk sangat takkan nak biar buruk pulak, dahla aku pon tak berapa nak cantik, haip!).

Well, of course I can't afford to buy a wide-angle lens with the amount of cash in my bank right now. I can probably treat myself with a battery pack and also flash unit right now. But, after Googling about cameras, I found that I don't really need a wide-angle lens after all as there is such a thing as a CONVERTER! Iyeay! And it fits a 52mm ring, one which I have and I cannot wait for the weekends to come. Cepat cepat cepat I need to go to the camera shop.

Or maybe... Should I get a credit card so that I can satisfy this craving. Maybe I should. Kan? Tsk. So damn tempting I tell you. Like really.

 I should really get back to work tapi tak boleh berhenti fikir about these gadgets. Haip, haip! I need to behave. But I still want this weekend to come quick. Tak kisah.

**photo googled**

January 13, 2010

(13-1) + 1

Equals to = 12th in a months' time! Remember okay ;)

This is so uncharacteristic of me, don't you think so? I don't have a wish list. Pelik, tapi benar. Sila percaya.

And to think that I'm the one who's always telling people to tell us what they really need and want so that we don't end up buying things they end up putting in the store room or under the stairs, get it?

Tapi, tahun ini, jika beri saya apa-apa pun saya happy. Betul.

Somehow, after coming back from Australia, I have been "tamed". Mungkin agak terkejut tengok bank balance sebaik touchdown? That's a big possibility, yup!

Apa pun, dah puas shopping dekat sana beli barang-barang yang perlu dan juga tak berapa perlu tapi geram, so balik macam dah taknak apa-apa. Unless orang lain nak kasi, of course saya akan terima kan? Kan? Crazy apa nak tolak gifts ;)

Mungkin apa yang saya betul-betul perlu dan hendak sekarang mahal dan saya tahu takda siapa in their right mind will go and buy it for me, unless kamu orang takda hutang kereta-sewa rumah-renew roadtax-makan-minum to tanggung, of course.

Well, just in case you're wondering what's so mahal, I'm talking about gadgets. Cameras! Like a lomo. Atau wide-angle lense. Atau flash. Semua berharga lingkungan RM 800- RM 1000 ++. So, tell me. Adakah anda cukup gila (atau terlebih sayang) untuk pergi belikan saya benda-benda macam tu? Surely tidak kan?

So, to make things easy for everyone, saya mencadangkan roadtrip ke Melaka. It would be one of the bestest hadiah you all can give, if you could take leave on Friday, 26th February and bawak saya jalan-jalan ke sana. Jom pergi Jonker. Jom pergi 3J dengan saya dekat the state I love most in Malaysia. Saya drive pon takpa. Unless Mami nak testdrive WhatTheHell dia saya terima seadanya ;p

I think I'm getting old. Not just older. But I refuse to feel old because... I actually don't feel it. Only I'm acknowledging that 25 is not a small number.

Pelik. Saya memang tak berkeinginan untuk memiliki apa-apa at this point in time. Maybe I'm happy that one of my good friends is married and that another one will follow suit in February. Your glowing faces are priceless la, tak tipu.

But whatever it is, I have a good feeling that my birthday present this year would be one of the best ones yet.

January 12, 2010


Now, this is why I knew that coming back to Malaysia was a big mistake. Big mistake, I tell you.

While I was in Australia, I was allowed to live in my own bliss. My own sweet ignorance. I was allowed to eat as much as I want, sleep as much as I want, and again, be as ignorant as I pleased.

Now that I'm back. I have to upkeep with current affairs, which, by the looks of it are not pretty at all.

Since I'm a lawyer by profession, I get alot of legal questions about this that and everywhat.

Some of them I can answer, but some, I just can't. It's either I don't understand what the issue is, or I prefer to reserve my comments.

And when I don't really understand the issue, I tell the person outright of my lack of understanding. It's easier to come clean rather than coming up with some (wrongly interpreted) opinion which someone will quote in the future.

Thus, my advice is that: If you don't really understand the usage of the word "Allah" in the Herald issue, please stop commenting on it.

If you are working for the Government, be careful of your words because everything you say and do is taken to be a reflection of the Government's aspirations. Even if you say it in a private realm.

If you are a student, keep it low because there is probably a long way for you to go before you are accorded some kind of immunity for saying whatever you want. Stop spamming other people's walls. Stop publishing provocative status updates just to prove you are brave. Just stop. 

If you understand the issue, you may opine, but subject to your confidence of being able to control the masses to whom you mete out your opinion. Because believe me, if your statements cause uproars, it would be so much more difficult to take back or amend that opinion you so confidently said in the beginning.

Cleaning up a mess after an unplanned party is always more difficult to do as opposed to a well-planned one, yes?

So, think. Think about the consequences. Think about what it would be like for our parents worrying about us going to and from work, for fear of riots or bombing. Think about our fathers who pray at the mosque each morning. Think of our friends praying in churches. Think of their families and children. Think about Palestine and how they became what they are today. Think about Malaysia and the investors who are now backing away. Think about the fear that is lurking in each and every of our hearts. Think of organisations like mine; where there are people of various races, religion and colour and how we have managed to get along well with each other without a grain of force.


Think of how difficult it would be when the pieces don't fit anymore. We have worked so hard to maintain peace for the past 52 years, so why the itch to recreate another May 13th?


Unless you really know you can keep everything under control.

Which obviously you can't. Which I obviously can't as well.

January 11, 2010

drawing lots.


I was really, really trying to quell my urge to update this morning but I cannot help myself.

Having attended one of my good friend's wedding last night, I feel like I am floating on cloud nine and dreaming like nobody's business. It was truly a night to remember. Imagine what she must be feeling.

We were in absolute awe as we walked into the hall yesterday. We were greeted by regal looking portraits of the bride and groom at the entrance and was even more in awe as we saw the grand pink dais. It was amazing. Truly amazing.

Everything was just so remarkably beautiful and we couldn't stop saying time and time again how positively glowing the bride was looking! Donned in white, she looked like a princess in her own right. As she gracefully walked the isle yesterday, we knew that this must be the more happier if not the happiest moments in her life.

All night, we were entertained by a talented quartet who sang love songs effortlessly. We found ourselves singing along soon after. I was blessed with a great bunch of people at my table. Of course, we were quite possessive about who we wanted there, but hey, it's our good friend's wedding, we're allowed to have fun now, aren't we?

To make things even more amazing, the bride was surprised by her family with Anuar Zain! Imagine that! On the night of AJL! We were awestruck, obviously. And the bride started crying because she was so touched. Of course Anuar Zain rocked big time!

my most favourite people in the world who make my life amazing. much

All night, I had fun at my table with my amazing friends. We took so many photos together and I praise Allah for blessing me with so many wonderful people in my life.

Yesterday made me realise that sometimes, fairytales do still exist. You just have to work hard to find them.

January 07, 2010

Like a Challenge

It's often that we find ourselves in a tough spot where we can't say or do anything, because we feel so... challenged.

I have quit being angry when people tell me things which hurt me. I quit taking offence. Because I know that although only a few people know the truth, it is okay. I'm okay so long as the real truth is a known fact. By me and the few that matter to me.

I believe that I am here for a reason, and that reason is a noble one. I may not and never be the best around but there are people around me whom I look up to, whom I aspire to be one day.

This is the first blow of the year but I have taken blows for a year and a half now and hey, I'm still okay.

Somehow, I am challenged to do a better job out of my already good one.

I know that only a diamond can cut a diamond, thus only a diamond can recognise one of it's own kind.

I know those who have and can. And because of that, I'm okay.

January 06, 2010

got milk?

Hello, milkdrinkers all across the globe! Have you had your fair share of calcium any time today?

I did. I had half a glass of milk this morning and I hated it. I don't know about you, but I don't like milk. I'm not sure when this began or how, but I just never really fancied it. The family doctor-to-be, Ya, tells Kakak Neesa to get proper intake of calcium, even if it comes from cheese. But I don't eat much of that either. I am not really a milk lover. So, I really am in trouble with a capital T.

Which is weird considering the amount of milk purchased for my household (which is banyak and makes everyone at Tesco wonder why all of us are not very big). Siap pernah ada orang remark tanya if kami buat business. Oh, tidak. Okay, allright, you get the picture.

I have tried many many times to drink milk, but unless I mix it with coffee or milo... drinking it on its own is certainly out of the question. And before you think I like being in this state of dislike, I don't. I am very worried, being the health freak that I am.

Someone tell me where can I get yummy tasting milk like the ones the milkman delivers at doorsteps in the UK or like those sold at Coles. Because that's the only kind of milk I drink because it tastes so different. As in a good kind of different.

I know I sound spoilt but I'm beginning to get cramps and I don't want them cramps! Where can I get yummy tasting fresh milk pronto?


January 05, 2010

6 weeks...

And I'm nauseous. Pregnant? (Amboih gatal benar kau ni Kak?).

Nah. Just the time of the month and sometimes, the symptoms are pretty much the same. I can't even stand the smell of my hair though I shampoo daily.

Anyway. Many things happen when it's the time of the month and apart from wanting to vomit after meals, I get all moody and quiet because I just don't feel like talking. I can go all morning and all evening not saying a word to my mom in the car to and from work. Seems to work just fine with me. Though evidently, this kind of attitude doesn't really suit my parents' liking.

Understandably so because I'm the noisy one. When I'm quiet, it worries people. But I'll be okay. Promise. I just got into Gear 3 after coming back from Aussie. I'll be Gear 5 all the way next week onwards, insyaAllah. Need to get out of this fatigue period fast.

I have worrying habits, which seems more like a hobby these days.

First; I like to leave things (my handphone especially) all over the place. I like to leave it on my big pillow. I've also left it in Abdul's pocket more times than I care to remember. He even brought it back to Melaka once for Hari Raya. Hehehe.

Second; I seem to like getting myself into accident-prone situations. I like running down the stairs. And when you run down the stairs, you will hit something along the way. Confirm. Like tulang pinggul dekat bucu. Atau jari kaki tersangkut dekat lubang tangga. Standard la tu. Dan bahaya.

Third; I just can't stand certain things. Seriously, kau ingat kau hebat ke Kak oi? Semua benda cannot stand? But really. It's annoying because I should be more tolerant of many things, but I'm just not up for it. I feel tired withstanding things I used to endure. Annoyed.

Well. I wrote this because I was beginning to feel irate and thought that if I didn't I would probably explode and do things which I will forever regret. Of course, all fault lies in PMS (again and again) because PMS is the only thing which cannot retaliate and tell me to get a grip and go and get lost.

I lost count of how long he has been here. But I know that I NEVER want to go back to where we were. I don't know how I used to survive 6 weeks straight on webcam and phone alone. Now, if I miss him, the least I can do is to just find an excuse to meet up for lunch and all is settled.

I feel so blessed.

And this is random, I know ;)


When you get an assignment, it's always easy if you know exactly what you want out of it. I used to think that if we had the conclusion, we would have trouble finding the jalan kerja. 

I don't think that anymore.

I seriously think that if we already know the end result, it would be easier to find a way to work our way towards that goal.

It's really no wonder why people say let's work it out backwards. End result to plan. Not the other way round.

Or is it really?

January 04, 2010

the total ban.

Well, we didn't see that coming, no we didn't.

Of course, non of us in this Division got hold of the Agreement to block Online Social Networks of all kinds (filters not excluded) because that would have been a conflict of interest in the truest sense. Obviously none of us wanted FB and the likes to be blocked but the Department has decided.

I'm just grateful that they decided to leave Blogger be. Or else? Or else, I would be the first to go crazy, I guess.

Today's the first day of work after 2 1/2 weeks off. My brain almost turned to mush during the long break because I have never felt that relaxed in a long time.

But like I said this morning to a Superior: Work is work, so I better just do a good job out of it. I'm surprisingly upbeat about coming to work. Groggy mornings are of course, unavoidable but that's about it.

Anyway, have you ever had a friend whose instincts are so strong, you can't help but be creeped out about it? I do. This morning, I was thinking of giving this friend of mine a call, but decided against it because, I just didn't feel like calling yet.

And the next thing I know is that... she called me first. It's as if she knew that I needed to talk to her, yet she knew at the same time that if she didn't take that step first, she would most probably never hear of me.

Well, anyway. I better get back to work. Sometimes, I just can't figure out why it is we're doing several things, but work is work. The total ban is on right now, but let's be thankful Blogger's still here to keep our heads level.

Hope you have a good start!

The Rock Band

What do I do when I really need to say something and I can’t think of anyone to whom I can tell it to? I blog about it. But in this time and age, it’s not easy to blog about something and not want people to talk about it too much; be it upfront or behind your back. Hence, this private post.

I’m entering a new phase in my life and for the life of me; I never thought that this year would begin with a rock band.

And before anyone thinks that my love for Guitar Hero has reached an insane level worthy of therapy, it is not that kind of rock band I am talking about.

I am talking about the rock and the band. Both of which are there for me, just waiting for the best time to find its home on my fingers.

There were hints of the existence of the band even before I left the country for a long break. I didn’t believe it then because I didn’t see the band for myself, but since I am the bearer of all receipts, I see now that when somebody tells you they love you, you gotta believe them. No one jokes about marrying someone when they go 2 steps ahead of you and tell you halfway through a movie that a ring is waiting for you somewhere.

I love to dream ahead of myself and I hate it. But when somebody tells you they love you, you really gotta believe them when they tell you that the first thing both of you will be doing upon touchdown is to get the rock for the other ceremony. And this time, I got to choose. I chose a perfect solitaire from Le Lumiere. It’s beautiful and it’s really shiny. And it’s so valuable that I am not allowed to keep it. I’m not even allowed to peep until that date is set. It’s in the safe obviously for safekeeping.

I keep thinking of how easy our lives can change when we least expect it. I wasn’t expecting to begin my year with wedding plans. I didn’t think that I would be having the conversation with my parents and partner about the plans and checklists.

So maybe I have gone a lil’ too far ahead of myself already, but my excitement is so warranted, I no longer want it contained. As I type this, I get this overwhelming feeling from the sequence of events which have taken place since the 1st of January 2010.

As if missing my boyfriend isn’t enough to make me cry, thinking about the rock and the band makes me want to cry even more because hey, this is a really HUGE leap in my life. Thinking about something and going through that something definitely isn’t the same thing.

When dreams come to life, you can’t help but want to spend the rest of your life with that person who makes your dreams come true.

You keep the surprises coming, sayang. And for that, I love you.

January 02, 2010

laugh and cry. live and die.

There are several blogs I frequent, on which I seldom leave footprints behind. But it's nice to read what people want and hope for this new year 2010.

I quit making resolutions quite some time ago though. It was either because I was too busy to want to resolve on doing something, or I was just afraid that I would not be able to fulfil them.

But after reading Lynn's blog, I knew that my reasons are like hers exactly: I do not want to have any expectations out of this new year.

Having resolutions somewhat raises expectations a few bars up. It may not necessarily be an obvious evil, but sometimes, that's what makes life so difficult to enjoy. I combed through my old posts and laughed to see that my first resolution for the year 2009 was to tidy my room.

Look at how 2009 turned out for me! I never expected it to be perfect, yet in so many ways (despite the roller-coaster rides), it was just perfect on so many levels.

I can go through one by one what exactly happened throughout last year, but I know that that isn't necessary.

This year, I just want to laugh more, live more and learn more.

I leave the rest for Allah to decide. Amin.

January 01, 2010


Lama rasanya tak menulis dalam Bahasa Malaysia. Tiba-tiba, bila dah habis menulis Memori di Adelaide, rasa nak menulis tentang sesuatu yang lain. Sesuatu yang saya kira agak serius.


Saya selalu tanya mengapa begitu, mengapa begini? Mengapa apabila kita di tanah orang, kita reti berbudi bahasa. Kita sabar menunggu lampu bertukar kepada hijau sebelum melintas, kita akan declare barang-barang yang perlu declare, kita akan menegur mere strangers di jalanan dan tak berasa kekok untuk melempar senyuman kepada sesiapa sahaja. Kita sabar menunggu di dalam barisan. Dan mengapa mereka menyambut kita dengan teramat mesra hinggakan pabila ditipu pun tidak terasa panasnya.

Mengapa ini tidak berlaku di bumi sendiri?

Kebanyakan masa, alasan yang diberi ialah: itu bukan budaya kita. Benar, tetapi bukankah sesuatu perkara akan bertukar menjadi budaya jika ramai orang melakukannya? Dan apa salahnya menjadi orang yang memulakan sesuatu yang baik?

Sukar benarkah untuk senyum kepada orang yang sampai dari perantauan? Sukarkah untuk menyambut tetamu dari luar negara dengan teguran dan muka yang manis? Sukar benarkah untuk memperkasakan diri dengan ilmu pengetahuan yang lebih luas supaya apabila ditanya tentang sesuatu, jawapan yang intellectual dan dihormati yang akan keluar dari mulut kita? Perlukah terlalu serius walaupun menjalankan tanggungjawab yang berat?


Saya benar-benar ingin memahami ada apa dengan Malaysians yang membuatkan kita amat well-behaved di negara orang, bak anjing yang diberi dadah tetapi terus menjadi penyangak di negara sendiri seolah-olah kita adalah orang yang paling besar dan hebat di dunia ini walaupun hakikatnya, tidak.

Semuanya tak masuk akal.

Kita beriya-iya mengutuk si penjajah Barat. Kita mencaci budaya kuning mereka dan menyuruh anak muda kita supaya tidak terikut-ikut. Saya tak nafikan bahawa perkara itu memang benar. Memang mereka memakai pakaian yang seperti tak cukup kain. Memang mereka mempunyai tatu di setiap pelosok badan. Mereka minum minuman keras dan cakap “fuck” sekerap orang Islam memberi salam. Tetapi, cuba tanya sesuatu kepada mamat/minah tersebut dan anda akan dilayan dan diberi jawapan yang intellectual sehingga kita malu dengan diri sendiri kerana stereotype orang bertatu dan seksi sebagai bodoh dan jahat.

Ada perkara yang mereka lakukan yang perlu kita jadikan iktibar. Kita perlu berhenti melihat apa yang kita mahu sahaja. Kita perlu berhenti menyatakan bahawa terdapat negara yang jauh lebih teruk dari kita. Kerana jika kita terus menerus memberikan alasan, 52 tahun merdeka sekalipun, kita tidak akan pergi jauh kehadapan.

Pasti ada sebab mengapa kita telah menjadi satu masyarakat yang sebegini teruk rupanya. Sedih sekali saya masih tidak mengetahui apakah ia?

like a blink of the eye.

The last few days in Adelaide sort of passed by us in a blink of an eye. It was Monday, then Tuesday, and suddenly, we only had Wednesday left to do everything we initially said, "takpe, nanti boleh pergi/buat lagi" to.

We did the remaining of Adelaide sight-seeing activities on Tuesday (29.12.2009). We went to Hahndorf first on Tuesday morning and was greeted by a picturesque lil' town,which resembles a German town (according to my mom who's been to Germany before). The main agenda was of course, to pick cherries and strawberries, as they are ripe and in season. But cherry picking was no longer available so we settled for the latter.

Beerenberg Farm is the place to be for strawberry picking! It was hot and the sun was baking our faces and backs and everything, but it was worth it I tell you! The boys bought us some chocolate sauce so that we could pick and eat on the spot. Of course, I came back with a massive tummy ache that afternoon and horrible sunburn I mean suntan. Hehehe.

Then, we also visited the tallest rocking horse in Gumeracha and against my better judgment... I climbed the rocking horse and almost wet my pants! It was so, so, so high up! The stairs were tiny and I was inappropriately wearing a pair of slippers. It was a tad bit slippery and I was sweating. See for yourself of how high up I went.

The same day, we also went to the highest peak in Adelaide; Mt. Lofty. I was surprised because I've never imagined a mountain to be warm before. I've always associated the word chilly with mountains. And it wasn't just warm I tell you, it was really, really hot and burning! We took some photos and left very soon after.

I was too tired to remember any of the journey after that, but I remember waking up at St. Kilda playground. Big would be too modest a description for that playground because it it humongous! There was a mini flying fox which I tried, and also other things we can find in normal playgrounds, only cut and built for both adults and children. The slides are big, the swings sturdy and even my dad was not exempted from trying them out. Hehehhe.

The day after (Wednesday), my dad and brother asked us whether we wanted to go to Tandanya Cultural show (aborigine cultural show) or Harbourtown. Are you joking?! Of course we opted for Harbourtown. There is so much to see there, plus we've seen Maori cultural shows before so how different can they get right, right right (ayat sedapkan hati sendiri).

We spent half of Wednesday going in and out of shops at Harbourtown. We didn't miss a single one. And of course, we were happy, happy, happy indeed! I managed to surprise my sister with her 8A's gift and my brother managed to surprise us all with his present yang entah bila-bila dia beli. Slight of hand betul.

We had Captain Hook that night, which is rumoured to be the best fish 'n chips in town. It was superbly yummy and the portions are huge! Even after sharing with my mom and sis, I couldn't finish it.

Went for a movie that night at Hoyts and watched Avatar in 3D. I thought that the movie was just okay. Not much to shout out about but the message is loud and clear; let's preserve the environment. I thought that the animation was superb though.

I knew that we didn't really want to sleep that night, because we knew that if we did, we were wasting precious time together. Eventually, we all fell into our slumber and the next thing I know is that we woke up to Thursday, and it was time to go home.

We had a wonderful stay in Adelaide and although Munir might not be reading this, I wish he knew how grateful we are that he willingly let us stay there for 2 weeks. We hope you people enjoy the food we left you. Please do not forget the huge cabbage Mama bought (she almost brought it back home but that was of course before I raised an eyebrow at her and asked her how she thought she was going to get that through customs).

It's been a wonderful holiday. And now, I have to prep myself to get back to work. *Sigh*. Life must go on.

And here's a picture of the little big boss who takes care of everyone's packing.