August 29, 2008


i'm beaming.
for so many reasons, you see.
many, many reasons indeed.

i'm so glad tonight is raya. for me at least.

sometimes, i think staying in a hospital haunts you.
even if you're not the one admitted formally.

make sense tak?

nonetheless, that's no reason for me to stop beaming.

August 26, 2008

mengira ayam.

from experience, i know better than to expect for things.
because sometimes, our expectations can blast our hopes into many tiny smithereens.
so better not hope for things to be good and just expect for the worst, right?

things like hoping Federer would win his gold for Olympics. like hoping Chong Wei would beat Lin Dan. you know. expectations as serious as that or the more trivial ones like hoping your weekend would turn out great can also do some damage if it turns out to be the exact opposite.

so, kalau weekend good aje pon dah seronok, ye tak?

so, when i got (so damn) excited (sampai berangan-angan) about this weekend, i knew better than to hope that it would turn out as i hoped. so, caution, caution, caution.

tadaaaaa! potential bad news comes and... well...
i guess i must just be content.

told you i'm afraid to be too happy.
jangan kira ayam sebelum dia menetas okay.

after all, life is a box of chocolates.
you don't know what you're gona get :)


told ya life's box of chocs. i certainly did not see that coming :).
oh, that has made my day, yeay yeay!

August 25, 2008

dah besar pon ada.

kadang-kadang sedih sedikit.
semua orang berubah sangat cepat.
semua orang move on sangat laju.

semua orang this. semua orang that.

sometimes, takut tak sempat catch up sebab kite lembap.
or that kite tertinggal sebab dia orang lajulaju sangat.
tapi sebenarnya saya rasa ni peer pressure saja.
bukan something yang renderred a pressing necessity dsb.
cuma something yang "i want that too" bukan something "i really need".
you know what i mean. kan?

macam dress yang cantik yang tak perlu tapi nak jugak sebab semorg dah beli.

ingatkan peer pressure masa kecik-kecik aje.
rupanya dah besar pon ada.

kawan-kawan yang lain, jangan laju-laju sangat okay.
nanti saya sedih pulak tinggal sorang-sorang.

yang bawah ni dengan izin, okay. :)

this is what most people look like before their pictures are taken.
ahaha. mintak maaf kawan-kawan. ini sangat comel untuk tak di share.
sila focus on beberapa orang seperti KN dan ... dan ...

these were accidentally taken by mr. luke.

orang-orang kat private practice, state and JIM, kitorang miss kamu orang :((

August 24, 2008


After being ridiculed, I knew that keeping mum was just as effective as putting up a fight. Knowing that it was a no-case on my part, I knew that the best thing to do was to call it off with my colleagues and just let them go without me. After all, putting up a fight really isn’t worth it. Trust me. It’s not even useful building on a case no matter how good your authorities are.

My colleagues said that I was under P.G. 13. You know what that is, don’t you? Remember those times when you were barely 13 and your mum told you to close your eyes when there was a kissing scene on the telly? That’s what my life pretty much still is.

I know that they know the eyebags beneath my eyes are irreparable and that I am old enough to bear my own child. They talk about my marriage and my future like it’s going to happen tomorrow. Yet, they refuse to view and treat me as a grown person. Talk about being in denial.

If you’re wondering what on freaking earth had freaked them out so much, let me spill. I told them that I wanted to go to a wedding (a wedding okay, not clubbing or something)... in Teluk Intan. The fact that I wanted to go to TI was too overwhelming for them to accept I guess, because any mention of a state heading north is seen as extremely far to them. When actually, I think that Tg. Bidara is even farther than TI considering the distance I had to drive from the tollhouse. It’s just the fact that one is in Perak and one is in Melaka that freaks them out.

If it were up to me, I would have just given up on my case. Like I said, keeping mum was just as good as a verbal war. But I did tell them what my colleagues thought of me and that got them thinking. It’s okay when your parents think you’re still little because that’s just their job, but when your friends start making fun of how much of a baby you still seem, it’s not funny anymore.

I’m 23. I want to feel like a bujang bekerja. I want to be able to go to the gym with my colleagues after work, without feeling guilty about making my mom wait in the office for me to pick her up. I want to be able to go out after work without feeling like I have to constantly look at my watch or report my whereabouts. It’s frustrating. I really do need that freedom to make my own choices.

I used to make my own breakfast, lunch and dinner and I even created a meal named “munch”. I paid my own bills, rent and scheduled my grocery shopping trips. I managed my own funds and never asked more than I was given. If budget was tight, I made money by working. I went out and socialised (within limits of course). I wore what I wanted (of course within limits, if not Mami would scream her lungs out. I have good friends). I was pretty much grounded despite the freedom I had. If I didn’t know how to take care of myself, probably I wouldn’t be working right now kan? If I was so jahat, I would have done all the bad things while I had the freedom to kan? But I didn’t and they just don’t get that.

It’s frustrating when you’re already 23 and your P.U.s fuss about you coming home at 9.30 p.m. after a futsal game. It really, really is. It’s even more frustrating when you’re in the middle of melalak karaoke session with your colleagues at 8.30 p.m., your P.U.s are calling you 10,000 times asking you when you’re coming back. And it’s even more frustrating that you have to ask rather than tell where you’re going at this age considering the fact that I basically made those decisions on my own when I was still studying.

I know it’s all in the name of love. They’ve made that pretty clear. In fact, they’ve announced that they don’t care if people thought I was PG 13 so long as I’m safe. That’s fair. But how about what I feel? Do I have to tolerate being under Parental Guidance as if I’m 13 until I’m married (which is v jauh from now) and just bear with the Parental Units until they tire themselves chasing after me?

Everyone? Anyone? No one?

August 22, 2008

exercise in futility.

yes, i don't know how many times it will take; until i actually learn.
sometimes, they can say things that sound so mean, without actually meaning to be mean.

just respect me a bit okay?
i'm an adult.
tho i very much don't look like it.

this is one of the reasons why moving out will show 'em.
i don't take their money for granted, i don't take their mercy on me, giving me a place to stay for granted, so i expect them not to bring it up like i do take it for granted.

it's not fair, okay?

i know exactly how mahal minyak is. and i know exactly how mahal food is.
you tell that to the sister.
she's lacking intelligence in that department because she gets it off everyone else for free.

August 20, 2008


This year is a year of marriages of all sorts and not to mention the year of baby boom. Sumer bunting pelamin tak hengat dunia. Sorry, but this is not meant to offend; it’s just my 2 cents, obviously.

After my 5-week (i wish) day long weekend, going to work doesn’t seem so appealing anymore. This coming from the girl suffering from workaholicism? Please be worried now, thank you.

But things are better now. I’m learning how to do things the right way through the mistakes I made a month ago. It’s now 7 weeks into my life as a working woman and I have yet anything interesting to tell. And even if I have something to tell, I can’t tell anyways since I’m bound by OSA.


Actually, you can call this entry a spoof. It’s (obviously) got no motive.

Just wondering though; since today’s date is so cantek, did anyone get married today too? Reception weekend also can. Today is such a cantek date.

if anyone got married today, nah i give you present. so cantek oso. this is a good idea for favours kan. gosh takut, i'm talking about favours.

no. it. is. not. my. turn. soon.

regardless of how many times both ibu-ibu has asked.

August 18, 2008

chat masala

Outings with the SmartyPants are always fun. Not to mention “informative” (read: full of God-awful gossip) and also “motivational” (read: penuh bebelan bagi yang memerlukan) and also “entertainment” (read: gelak hyena yang tak boleh dikalahkan). But even without the gossip and motivation, my SmartyPants are always the best even if we were sitting next to each other in silence. I guess it is true that you’ve found real friendship if you learn to enjoy and be comfortable in each other’s silence.

(ramai orang ingat saya dan Mami weird sebab kitorang tak bercakap with each other in the mornings. It’s always just the echo of our heels clinking in the wee hours of the mornings that’s heard. Very seldom voices.)

Well, anyways, since it was Adlin who booked us for the weekend, she had to decide where to eat. (yes, we still fight about who decides where to eat). And knowing how adventurous she can get, she brought us to a banana leaf shop “Chat Masala Restaurant” at Jalan Tun Sambathan.

I’m not a fan of banana leaf rice but that’s not because I like fast food better or other restaurants better. In fact, I love rice. But the fact that banana leaf shops serve like a gazillion grains of rice in one serving plus 3 different vegetables and side dishes, makes me feel like an incompetent eater.

Nonetheless, I wasn’t going to let them enjoy the afternoon without me. So, after coffee and “short” preliminary session at my place, Adlin drove us into KL.

We ordered Mutton Masala, Chilli Fish, Butter Chicken and also Chilli Cuttle Fish. And also mango lassi.

All of those dishes were absolutely scrumptious. I was too busy gobbling my food that I didn’t take any photos. Not only were they scrumptious, they looked yummy too. And the best part is that the only “Real” dishes were the vegetables. The rest were tofu based. We had an OMG! moment when Adlin told us of that fact.

Imagine CuttleFish made out of tofu but tasting very much (okay, actually it’s exactly) like CuttleFish?! I really can’t wrap my mind around it yet. It’s amazing the things people do nowadays. Even mutton is exactly like mutton (duh!) right down to its texture, etc. When you pop it into your mouth and chew, it’s really like the real thing.

If you already know this, just ignore my excitement. Like I told you, banana leaf meals really does make me feel like an incompetent eater.

All in all, we all had fun yesterday. Of course the outing didn’t stop at banana leaves and we obviously went looking around for desert. So, we went to Mark’s at OU and ate our deserts, eyes already drooping from the heat and of course the hearty meal we had that afternoon.

what's left of my banana leaf meal is my smelly fingers tainted with orange at the sides regardless of how many times i've washed or bathed or eaten something else.

ni kereta siapa? this is a trick question. if you don't get it the first time, we'll forgive you because even the 'car owner' was tricked into thinking that this was hers although it wasn't.

Next Sunday! Chocolate Lounge okay, girls!

August 15, 2008

teenage drama queen(s)

The sister is back for a week-long holiday. And as usual, she brings her stories and grievances home to the “joy” of our ears. Honestly, sometimes I can’t be bothered. Simply because I had to go through the same things too. Going to the canteen, class, dorm (for seniors) were basically my part time jobs apart from studying and being one Mighty K. And the best part is, I never bothered to bother my mom of these tales. For me, it was simply too petty, too trivial to bother about. Boy, I did cry alot back then, but they just never knew why.

I’m sure some of my friends have sisters there too. I’m sure they regale you lot with tales of how this and that senior had asked them to walk to the canteen. That this senior called them to be “lectured”. It gets pretty irritating sometimes, doesn’t it? I went through all of that too and I didn’t think that they were too bad at the end of the day.

Well, guess what peeps? Times have changed, oh, yes, they have.

During our time, seniors were practically ruling the school because they were given the authority to do so. As in the right was legally handed to them by some of our beloved teachers back then like Ms. Vicky and the likes. Isn’t it a wonder why the teachers didn’t mind too much back then too?

To me, most of us just kept mum about it because the seniors back then weren’t that bad as compared to the ones they have now in college. Yes, they may have bossed us around, they may have scolded, shouted and “lectured” us. They may have said things that we didn’t want to hear. They may have demanded the “salam” even if we didn’t give it full heartedly. But somehow, despite all that, deep down under, they were still very much human.

All in all, that human touch never left them. As far as I remember, the senior cadets were super fierce, yet, they never called us names. They never threw their things at us or ask us to do ridiculous things like go around college collecting sanitary pads or spraying deodorant in our faces. Never.

Nowadays, the girls are pretty rowdy and rude, I must say. They hardly give “salam” to visitors, especially when I’m walking with my sister around college. For them, since my sister is a junior, there’s no need to respect her visitor too. They practice name-calling. They call juniors “tak guna” when these juniors have been the ones who climb the same stairs everyday (in fear) tending to their needs. They don’t allow juniors to pass by their dorms and because of that, these kids have to take a longer route just so they could get down from the Block.

And it doesn’t stop at name-calling, mind you. These seniors now have housekeepers and maids. Gosok baju? Like please, can’t they get off their bums and do it themselves? It’s not even difficult to do. Kain sekolah tu, kalau dah malas sangat, gosok setengah je. Kat part bontot tu abaikan. Sorok bawah baju kurung. I did it all the time. No need no junior for that. And for those who don’t know, nowadays, they are separated into dorms according to their batches. You think the problems stopped? Nah.

Even though these juniors don’t live in their dorms, don’t eat maggi, don’t sleep on their beds and don’t make the pigsty the seniors make out of the seniors’ dorms, they call their juniors to clean up their dorms. Like how much more of a lazybum can you be?

Canteen taknak pergi sendiri, buku kat kelas orang lain ambikkan, tea orang lain ambikkan, air orang lain amikkan kat watercooler, baju orang lain gosokkan (dengan tudung sekali ye) and now, bed sendiri and dorm sendiri pon orang lain nak kemaskan?

Ouh, ouh, how can I forget this one; juniors are not allowed to jog around college anymore. Apparently, it’s a privilege that belongs to the seniors only like WTH?? (tapi semua pon gemok jugak aku tengok)

All I can say is that this is the reason why the juniors’ parents are making noise. Not only are the parents more liberated nowadays, they are also fiercer. And the seniors? I’d say that they aren’t at all worth respecting. Because the majority of those who ask other people to do things for them are the nobodies; the non-band member, the non-prefect, the non-game player, the non nothing. Itu baru betul tak guna, ye tak?

Yang ada guna tak kacau hidup orang pon?

They are just downright mean nowadays. And utterly disrespectful even more so when you’re just the sister of a junior. And I seriously don’t blame The Sister for her endless lament. It is something to shout out about.

You have a (senior) sister there? Tell them to buck up will ya?

BAND doesn’t make your heart skip with the beats no more. CADETS are no longer actively marching around college with pride. Apparently Ms. Sergeant is not sure of the commands? (Dekda and K.Wanie and LinGhani, you people are the best!) And the rest are resting, also exercising their mouth muscles and gums, munching on food (taken by other people), and also lecturing skills, mungkin ramai nak jadi academician? And oh, oh, I forgot, perhaps they’re planning on enrolling into the course called “name calling”?

What is happening to the school we all love?

August 14, 2008

you say that because YOU.DON'T.KNOW.

There is alot of hu-ha about allowing non-Malays' enrollment into UiTM. Some are angry at this "suggestion", claiming that TSKI has politicised this issue due to the upcoming by-election. Some say that he is now the puppet of DAP.

Some are actually happy with the "suggestion". Some say that it's high time that we Malays realise that there is actually alot more to life as we know it. That there are more challenges and more competition which we Malays have failed to realise, as put by some; we Malays are pretty oblivious. After all, aren't we famous for "Melayu Mudah Lupa?".

Of course, after landing myself a job which involves advising people, I agree that we are all entitled to our own opinions. Subject, of course to having credible authorities, and viable arguments which stand if ever challenged.

Apart from my real job, you of course know that I am ultimately a blog-hopper at heart. I may not drop comments anywhere I drop by, (which is why I understand why some people like to remain silent readers) but I do read and appreciate what other people post.

Just before lunch, I came across a blog through a friend's blog. I'm like that. I told you; I blog-hop/visit although I don't know you.

You wrote about the same issue I am writing about right now. You seem to think that we, Malays, have lost our competitiveness. Well, to some extent, I agree. But when you put 2 and 2 together, I get the impression that you are saying that being in an All-Malay institution makes us that way. My presumption that your thoughts are in that direction stands until rebutted otherwise.

So, yes, we have lost our competitiveness. But does being in an All-Malay institution really, really make us that way? Remember, some of the greatest "giants" and "brains" come from MGC/TKC, MCKK and many other All-Malay schools. When we see their names, do we say, "Tengok tu, dia tu successful sebab dia pegi Uni yang campur semua race!"? We sure don't do we? From my observation, we normally say, "Dia tu dulu budak TKC!". Have we ever disputed the fact that there are schools which only allow All-Malays to enroll? No. In fact, we are proud that there are some institutions which breed successful Malays.

Back to the UiTM issue. Yes, only Malays are allowed to enroll. Yes, you may be irritated when Prof Ibrahim Abu Shah says that UiTM is the last bastion for the Malays. Yes, I get it that the independence of Malaysia has got nothing to do with the generation of today; that yes, those were the wonders our forefathers did.

But, you don't know half the truth about being competitive and successful, if you say that UiTM should allow at least 10% non-Malays to enroll. You may think that being in an All-Malay institution, heavily subsidised by the Government has turned us all into incompetent, non-competitive people. From where I come, I know for a fact that there are many of us Malays who are competitive over-acheivers, who are result-oriented and cannot stand being idle at work because we are in need of brain-action.

From where I stand, I can say for certain that Malays DO WORK HARD to achieve their goals. From where I stand, there are some Malays who are so competitive that people are bloody irritated by their competitiveness (Mami, anak kau lah). And these Malays, are those who come from this All-Malay institution have landed themselves jobs just a month and for some others, even before the results came out because they are so bloody damn competitive.

And these Malays who come from an All-Malay institution are those whom bosses rely on to do the heavy and messy stuff because we give attention to details. Yes, we are the bunch from the All-Malay institution that we love and want to protect.

Oh, YES, of course there are some slackers who give the rest of us a bad name. They are called the parasites or the riders, whichever you prefer. But, does this "disease" only exist among the Malays? You mean to say it doesn't happen in The UK? In the US? In Ausralia? In MMU, where they have a balance of all races? In UM, UKM, UIA maybe? You mean to say that the non-competitive ones are not competitive because they come from UiTM? How about those from other institutions? You have statistics to show that only Malays from UiTM are non-competitive and lazy and parasitistic?

Just so you know, Parasites are everywhere. And they are not necessarily Malays.

It's easy for you to say what you just said because you don't know half the things that happen here. It's easy for you to say that "we don't have to study hard for spm anymore" just because we have UiTM. Just in case you want to know, I studied bloody hard for my SPM but just didn't come out as well as you. And UiTM was my saviour. My platform. You don't know how much I had to struggle so that I would be seen as "at par" with some of you who were fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to travel so early in life.

And it's easy for you to say the things you say because you don't know that UiTM's requirements are bloody damn high and even those who get 10 A's would prefer coming to UiTM because we have great lecturers who are dedicated to their jobs and also great practical-based programmes which prepare us for the working life ahead.

So, yes, TSKI is an opportunist. Now that UiTM graduates are sought for like goreng pisang panas, baru sedar ke kitorang bagus?

And You, don't mess around with the Social Contract. Without it, you might have never gotten your share of scholarship to go abroad. And for all I know, you might have come from an All-Malay school yourself. You might have never gotten that opportunity if they didn't have such institutions to cater to your race.


5-day long weekend!
starting... TONIGHT!
cuti approveddddd!!!


i so need this break. i really do. being here is not that bad (ehem, yeah right, for that one person who hears my daily rants about you-now-what) but just like everything else in life; too much of something is bad for you. people should learn that doing things in moderation is the key to a happy life. i know it sounds cliche and by the time i have files on my table, on my floor and in my cupboard, i'd be far from moderate, but i really do believe in it.

i know it's almost like a sin updating here in the office, but it's okay i guess.

and i know that my entry about MMU's convo does not do justice to the fun we all actually, really had that day. despite the hot weather, mata bengkak, jerawat sebiji besar and baju berkedut-kedut, like i said, meeting people and seeing how happy there were receiving scrolls was fun. (the waiting sucked though. but then again who likes waiting, anyways?)

i just can't wait for this day to end. approximately 8 hours to go. yes, i punch in at 7.30 a.m. and reach home at 7.30 p.m. 12 hours a day x 6 weeks. had enough. wanta sleep.

too bad this weekend mr. abduls cannot make it back to kl because of terrible workload that he loves. if not, i would have 4 days of uninterrupted hari berdating and a chauffeur to drive me around. (mama might even buy him a baju raya since that's part of our weekend agenda). see what you're missing mr. abduls? :P

okay, okay. back to looking for materials for research. i'm stalling. i'm elated, happy, excited.

weekend, weekend. i love you weekend.

readers, you make me happy to know i have readers. even if you all are super silent.

August 10, 2008


Honestly, this week wasn’t a very good one for me. I was intoxicated by hate. Maybe I still am a little bit intoxicated by that very strong emotion.

Source of intoxication: liquor by the name of 48.

Reason: menial tasks which do not fit a legal officer’s job description.

Causing: a newly employed LO to feel extremely wasted and "menganggur" although she leaves home for work every day at 6.30 a.m.

and I may regret saying this one day, but after 12 subjects per semester in Uni, I hate idleness which leads to stupidity and slow development of brain. I might as well be home chilling my a** out or going to some place where I get huggles 24/7.

Yes, I’d like to take leave, jump on a plane and give hugs to make a living. Please and thank you.

But because of today, my bad week is slightly healed. I know it’s not much, but seeing friends and meeting new people are extremely rejuvenating. And seeing my extremely extra good looking boyfriend (today) in his suit and robe somehow makes me extremely proud and happy that he has come this far despite his shortcomings. I guess it’s also a great big reminder of how far we’ve come that’s overwhelming me so much.

So, yes. Today is a good end to a bad week.

spongebob paling menyerlah!

at the end of the day, anywhere i could park my bum was heaven on earth.

are you really, really sure they are already working graduates???

Tomorrow is another intoxicating day for me. (or maybe not). I’m hoping against hope.

And can someone please explain to me why do I have tears in my eyes 24/7? I need a long, long huggle. Please and thank you. Sometimes we just need to cry, no? Although there's really nothing to cry about? PMS is so getting to me this month. So toxic.

August 08, 2008


I have like a gazillion updates right now. From last week, to last weekend and now, I've got new stories from this week. Thing is, I've been pretty bummed out this week that I haven't had the time to write anything without interruption in flow of thought.

The news is laden with so many interesting stories that I'll go crazy if I don't comment on them soon. But after having read NST this morning, I can see clearly now that they are getting to the bloggers for writing opinions.

Thus, it would be wise for me to not say so much, right?

I know this is a little bit belated, but Congratulations Cinot! You've done us proud by adding to the statistics of married people in the batch. People are starting to think there's something wrong with Fightersz since those from other batches are bearing babies, while we're still happy in singlehood bliss.

And Mamita my dearest friend, Happy belated birthday! I know the celebration wasn't much but I'm sure we all had a great evening together! Semoga panjang umur selalu!

Updates on work. pffttt... I don't dare say a word, actually. But. But. But. NAH. Won't tell. I'm biting my toungue; just for the moment.