June 25, 2007


Just because I am tolerant, it doesn’t mean you can trample all over me and act like it’s okay. Patience is a virtue, but even virtue has its limits. Don’t start to act like it is okay. It’s not. And stop taking my tolerance for granted. Thank you.

June 23, 2007

Domestic Goddess

I just washed my hair yesterday and right now, it doesn’t even smell of my conditioner anymore. It’s now a fusion of 4 different smells. My fingers smell of vanilla and I think butter is all over my tee.

But guess what? I love baking too much to even complain about it. I’m so happy that I managed to bake 4 cakes from 930 a.m. up until noon. What a mission I accomplished, right? And the best part is that all the cakes turned out well although something funny happened to my chocolate gold, the very last cake.

But then, there’s nothing that can’t be fixed in baking. If your cakes crumble; too much flour. If it’s too soft; too much butter. If it doesn’t rise; too much beating or either the utensils or ingredients weren’t dry enough. If it sticks; of course, you didn’t line the pan. And a cake cooks kind of slow when put in a round pan rather than a square-ish one. And if you don’t want to waste time getting double cream or separating egg yolks to make the topping of a chocolate cake, fret not. Just grab a bottle of Nutella or any other spread and lather it generously on your cake. It’ll taste just as yummy.

And these are just my humble observations in baking. I took it up since I was a little kid. During that time, my mom came home to a bunch of bright pink and green marble muffins (apparently I thought half a bottle of colouring was not enough at that time) or a really pudding-like cake, or a tub of home-made ice cream which tasted like vanilla bicarbonate, on a daily basis.

I guess I’ve always loved it, you know. I never liked cooking as much, not to say that I can’t cook. I mean, in Shah Alam, I don’t cook hearty, 3 course meals. I fry stuff because I’m the only one eating. But I do know how to cook simple dishes. I just lack practice.

But baking? It’s just about the only thing I need not be told to do (besides studying when finals is near) and still do with so much joy (studying brings no joy, by the way). And I think cooking is just about the only housework I really, really enjoy.

But still, I am a domestic goddess.
Pictures just for fun!

and something from yesterday's outing also:

June 21, 2007

Feeble Attempt I

Earlier today, while I was driving to PJ, I had the urge to blog. My desire was so strong I wished I had my laptop with me so that I could pour my heart out while driving. I was cursing most of the way and that seriously did increase my wanting to write something nasty.

And now, I’ve my laptop on and my eyelids are confused as to whether to droop or to stay awake, I don’t feel all that nasty any more. It has died down somehow, that nastiness I felt earlier.

But I’ll try and write something nasty, no matter how feeble my attempt may seem…

Okay, perhaps, I started my day too late. It was close to 11 a.m. before I actually, really woke up. (I have to start improving, been missing my morning prayers). And when I did wake up, I didn’t feel like bathing, I didn’t feel like doing anything substantial or beneficial today so I just lazed around. I knew I was supposed to do some banking for Abdul and that I had to pick his cheque up in PJ but I thought it could wait at least until after Zuhur.

Then, I was told that it was kind of urgent, so I needed to do the banking asap. So, off I went to the bank (without bathing and proud of it. gross huh?) and after a few rounds around the block, I finally found a parking in front of Maybank. I parked there though my intention was to go to CIMB. But so what, huh? I was lucky enough to even get a parking at that hour, so, so what?

Then, I went to the CDM (for cash). I put the money in, and waited. The next thing I knew, “perkhidmatan tergendala sementara”. What the hell?!!! It swallowed the money and then it went out of service? Argh.

So, I did as I was told and went to the counter to inform them of my problem. Probably it was just my bad luck that it was lunch hour, and the appropriate authorities weren’t around, but luckily one guy who knew how to operate the ATM was there. He was actually quite nice. He seemed to notice my agitation and my impatience. But then, his colleague seemed oblivious of my existence, even! She was happily chomping on her melon (I assume of course that this was her lunch), while telling of her lunch gossip at the nearby restaurant. Argh. Imagine my agitation at that point! I was hot (padan muka tak mandi) and hungry and worst still, I had parked illegally, and I was not keen on finding a ticket on my car when I got back to it. So the delay was very much not welcomed.

I guess the guy noticed that I was beginning to become extremely restless. So, after he rescued my money from the bad, dysfunctional CDM, he filled in a complaint form for me and also the cash deposit form. The only thing that made me want to scream and laugh at the same time was that he kept on asking me whether I was sure I wanted to put the money into an account belonging to Abdul Karim Ujang. He kept on asking me and his repetition was driving me crazy! Was he expecting me to grow a goatee or something before he was convinced that I wanted to put the money into that account? Aiyah.

June 20, 2007

Feeble Attempt II

Then, finally, things were settled and I ran back to my car as fast as I can. A Securicor van was parked behind my car, so near that it was kissing my car’s butt. But I had enough space to manoeuvre the car and get out of the tiny space. Went back home in a huff.

After Zuhur, I did go to PJ to run my errand. And my, oh my. I was cursing and cursing some more the entire journey! Probably it has been so, so long since I last drove outside of TTDI, but have Malaysians become drunk drivers or something?!! They’re like changing lanes as a when they please without signalling. Lorry drivers are acting as if they’re driving cars. I guess they’ve forgotten that they happen to have a load at the back of the vehicle and that even if they managed to control the front part of the vehicle, there is absolutely no guarantee that the rear part would be in control. Stupid lorries. They should really divert all their energy elsewhere. The road is not a good place to practice. Go someplace else meant for racing or something. The rest of us are good drivers, you know.

And PJ. Oh, damn you, PJ. I had to go through 2 roundabouts. Doesn’t anybody signal at roundabouts anymore? And can probationary drivers learn how to press the break peddle properly?! Terkejut tau?! Emergency break at a roundabout when there’s no emergency?!! Mad, crazy drivers! And those with big cars like a Merc, for example. Kereta je besar, otak kecik. As far as I am concerned, I was not wrong. He had to honk and honk and honk some more at the roundabout. Bodoh. Nak I buat apa? Berhenti and say sorry? Over my dead body, can la. He was the one who wanted to go into another junction. I was on the right lane. I don’t care. I want to be a bad driver too lah now. Stupid.

So, to get over my agony and heat, I took a drive to Bangsar. Surprisingly, I do remember the road from a previous drive except one road, but that didn’t end up too badly, so no complaints there.

My concern right now is that my clutch plate might slip again after all that ganas and almost reckless driving. And if that happens, I am so getting a piece of my dad’s mind! Scary…

And now, I’m kind of pissed with UiTM because they are charging us fees which are ridiculous. Yuran MMS? What the hell? Budak Honours tak pegi orientation la bodoh. We don’t get food and accommodation and stationery and bags and clothes like the freshies! Even if they wanted to give me all those things, I’d rather they exclude the RM70. We have to pay RM 70 for nothing? Pencuri, pentipu. I now have to fork out RM 400 of my own money because JPA refuses to increase allocation for our fees. Jahat la UiTM ni.

And I will stop complaining now because I need to sleep and I think I’ve been nasty enough already. Like I said, I’ll try, but my attempt might seem feeble. But so what? I’ve said my two cents. I can now sleep in peace.

Aunt Agony

Someone told me how disappointed he was that he didn’t get what he wanted. Someone told me how heartbroken she was now that she had broken up with her boyfriend. Another guy told me that his work was had to be put on halt because of the strong sea current. And another guy told me that he had to make the most important and controversial and confusing decision in his life and that now people are isolating him because of the decision he had to make.

And I am blessed with an addition to my joy; the offer letter for entry into the Honours Programme.

I don’t really like being Aunt Agony, honest. I remember complaining to someone once that I felt like a punching bag; like the only reason anyone ever came up to me was to tell me a thing or two about their sob story. And the moment they’re happy, they don’t remember me anymore.

I think some part of this is true, you know. It’s like I am always, always there though I try very hard to pretend not to be there. It’s as if I have no other life other than hearing other people out. And though this doesn’t happen all the time, some people really do take my presence for granted. Really, they do.

But then, how about those who don’t take my presence for granted? It wouldn’t be fair on them if I stopped being there for them, right? When I was listening to every other person’s problems yesterday, the thing going on in my mind was that, “This is all I can give back for all that I’ve gained and been given in my life”.

What more could I ask for when I’ve been so blessed already? Surely, some people do all of a sudden regard me as a “friend” when they’re in trouble or in heartache, but that’s only because they know for sure that I will at the very least TRY to console them. I guess I’ve always been like that, you know. I am a people person, I guess. And I guess it wouldn’t hurt to be there, even if I’ve nothing substantial or comforting to say.

So, yeah, I’ll have to admit now that I am plain old Aunt Agony. ( Not old. Young, but aged a little bit ;P ). And I guess after giving it some thought, I don’t really, really mind… but when Aunt Agony is in pain, she hopes she can turn to someone too. After all, Aunt Agony is human as well isn’t she…?

And come to think of it, living to be there for people when they’re in need isn’t really a bad reason for living is it?

June 18, 2007

over and over again

For some reason, I am pissed off by all the relationship problems surrounding me. I just don’t know what is wrong. Can’t everyone just be happy and figure out quickly what the matter really is? I know love takes time, but please, just try and figure it out asap.

And no, just in case you’re wondering, my relationship is not on the rocks. It’s just me hearing every Tom, Dick, Harry, Joe and Jane’s story about their relationship problems. I just wish it was figured out quickly.

Okay, alright. I am not Doctor Love. I probably am not the best person to consult where relationships are concerned because contrary to the popular believe of some people in TTDI, I do not have that many guy friends, let alone any exes. So, yes, I am not the mistress of the heart, and no, I am not here to console any broken or near-broken hearts.

It’s tiring sometimes to see what has become of girls. We worry too much, we think too much and we feel too much. Not that it’s a bad thing; as it does sort of balance the impassiveness of the bulk of the male population, who sometimes don’t have a clue of what they’re doing, but sometimes, too much is just too much. And I will never stand up for a guy because I am ultimately a woman’s girl. I fight for women as much as I can.

But THIS is too much.

I see people expecting so much out of their partners. They expect to meet every single day, go out every single day, hang out every single day, watch all movies together, eat meals together and just name anything and you’ll just see them expecting to do things together to the point that I don’t think they know who they exist as without their boyfriends.

I understand the whole “one entity” concept when being in a relationship, but truthfully, it doesn’t work well that way. Even couples eternally bound by matrimonial bliss find time to do things on their own. Separation is good, sometimes. It gives a whole new meaning to the relationship because people are able to discover themselves without being influenced too much by what their partners think.

Yes, it probably is very easy for me to say this because I don’t have that much experience being in a short-distance relationship. They have always been far, far and far. So, I’ve just learnt to switch to “live with” and “live without” at appropriate times. Admittedly, when he’s near for more than 4 days, it gets tougher to switch back to “live without” because it is fun being able to do things as a couple. But I never really let that eat me up. I cry my eyeballs out for a day, worst case, and the next thing I know, I’m back on my own 2 feet, switched back to “live without”.

I guess girls have to learn to pretend that their boys are far even if they’re not, sometimes. They just have to learn. Guys love their alone time. If anything, this gives them the time to reflect on the time spent together and sometimes this time is even used to plan out activities for the next outing. Spending some time apart gives them time to miss their girls. Seriously, it does. And while they’re having such a blast, either on their own or with their pals, I think girls shouldn’t wallow in self-pity. I think girls should just get a few girlfriends and have a drink and talk and do some girly stuff in return. And don’t call them if they don’t want to be checked on. Give them some alone time.

I was once told by a wise man, “If he is jealous, he loves you. But if he is too jealous, he doesn’t love you at all”. And this is so, so true, applicable to both girls and guys. Now, who doesn’t get jealousy spells? Even I do and I don’t have much to be jealous about because first, I don’t really know what’s going on over the other side and second, I choose not to be jealous sometimes because I choose not to know what’s going on. I just trust my guts and hope that he would do nothing to hurt me.

We all get jealousy spells. He/she spends too much time with a person of the opposite gender. He/she is taking too many pictures with the same person of the opposite gender; an album could come out of it. These things are normal and it is not wrong to question. Only the person answering must have enough tact to tackle the question so that it wouldn’t end up in an argument. I’ve won and lost this one. Sometimes I get defensive and sometimes I am tactful enough to turn it into a joke. It’s okay so long as we know and set our own invisible, sensible boundaries. It’s normal. We are human. Humans feel. It’s just not normal to be so uncontrollably controlling.

Some trust is good. Total trust; wrong move, but trusting someone in a relationship really is a big step and a good one too. It’s better to take his/her word (though not entirely) rather than playing sickening, heart-wrenching guessing games with yourself (leave your mind at peace). Because I find that the more we think, the more irrational we become and the more of emotional wrecks we turn into. Give yourself a break. If he/she loves you enough, the only person on his/her mind would be you. Sometimes, an outing with friends whether of his/her own gender or the opposite would give them a better idea of what they should or should not do. Trust me; it’s surprising how such outings can throw some light onto the relationship as if he/she has been through some enlightening of some sort.

And lastly, the biggest mistake a girl can make is to push the question of the “big day”. It pisses them off, not because they don’t want to do it, but more because they get frustrated being asked questions like that when they are not emotionally and financially ready. Let’s face it. Do you think our dads were that ready when they married our moms? Probably yes and probably no, but even if they weren’t sure they were ready at that point in time and that they weren’t very sure if they were going to make a good job out of it, to move on with planning the “big day” really was a big step in their lives and that means they really were up to the commitment. So, stop pushing them about it. We can be naughty sometimes and playfully pop the question and it could end up being a joke you both enjoy but don’t get emotional if he doesn’t answer in the way you expect him to. He will eventually pop the question himself, you know. You just have to be patient.

And finally, the above apparently wasn’t the final. Stop EXPECTING, girls. Stop expecting him to run to you every time you have a cold, (again it is easy for me to say this, I know, because even if I stomp my feet and throw tantrums, it does take at least 2 hours to get here), stop expecting him to give you gifts, stop expecting him to plan the perfect Valentine’s and the perfect Anniversary. Just stop expecting too much out of your man. Expect him to forget things sometimes. Expect him to be insensitive sometimes. Even we forget and are insensitive sometimes, right? For no one is perfect, and no relationship ever will be as clear as crystal and as tough as diamond.

And once you stop expecting, the unexpected will come and you have no idea how these surprises will make your heart skip a beat and fall in love over and over and over again.

I might change my mind after a while, and my stance on this subject might just be different after a while. But at this point in time, this works just fine =)

June 17, 2007

uncalled for

Okay, alright, admittedly, my previous post was totally uncalled for. I clearly did not do enough justice to her by writing all those horrible things. I regret writing them for no one deserves such harsh judgement, unless of course they deserve it. I just regret the way it came across, that’s all. I was pissed and upset, so I guess it wasn’t surprising that I went all berserk and started writing crap. And I normally don’t delete previous posts which have come out as it should not have; after all, I know that at the very least, a handful of privileged people with my blog address would have read it already. But I’ve deleted the post, nonetheless.

But just for the record, I still am very ecstatic about my results because no matter what other people want to say, I really think I worked my bum out last semester, while having fun at the same time. So, yes, I still am very ecstatic.

Other than my anxiety and anticipation and also excitement over the exam results, I’ve had a blast these past few weeks. I’ve been sleeping late, sometimes real early and I’ve been staying in bed long hours, sometimes until noon, not that it’s any of your business to start off with, but now that I’ve told all of you, one secret is out already, hahah. Other than that, I’ve been busying myself with stuffing food in my face, punching the remote control and stepping on the accelerator, while managing the gears, playing my role as most faithful and hardworking chauffeur of Medan Athinahapan 2. I’ve also become absolutely obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy. I heard Isaiah Washington was cut off from the show? Well, it’s not called Isaiah’s Anatomy so I guess it’s not such a bad thing.

I’m loving it, I’m loving all this, seriously. I don’t know why on earth I ever planned on working at the beginning of the holidays. I really do not understand myself because I would not trade right now with anything, you hear me? Nothing at all…

I thought of catching up with some old friends whom I have not been able to meet up with throughout the entirety of last semester, but I’ve put it off for quite some time now. I am just recuperating from what I called the “most crucial and testing time” of my life. I mean, seriously. Probably moving apartments don’t mean a thing to anyone because after all, moving only meant taking furniture out of your old space and placing it in the new one, but this move was more than taking stuff out of one place and putting it in another. It involved a myriad of feelings and some unnecessary “tirades” which were totally unjustified. For some reason what was said and done still hurts. It’s kind of stuck to my memory at this point and I can’t seem to shake if off. In time, I hope, I will be able to forget it, forgive and move on.

It’s been a testy time also because it was the most final semester. Not that LLB Honours is not important, but I guess during Honours, the grades don’t matter as much as during BLS (Bachelor in Legal Studies). During Honours, the focus is more on learning the practical things in life, like how to handle tough, stubborn and pig-headed firm mates, God Forbid; I hope I won’t have to deal with any of those. During my BLS, the focus was to make the grades, to meet the deadlines and to deal with 1001 types of lecturers and these are only the tip of an iceberg. I won’t rant about like a mad woman about all that now, what’s done is done.

And now, we’re all waiting for the second judgment; the offer letter for Honours. Man, if I don’t receive it, the faculty must really be twisted and I of course, would be absolutely crushed. But InsyaAllah, it will come. And to all others waiting anxiously as I am myself, have faith. The time will come.

And I actually have no particular reason for posting this entry. I just wanted to clear the air about the previous deleted post and I just felt like writing something. Tq =)

June 15, 2007

judgement day

You know that feeling when you’re supposed to be afraid, but for some reason you aren’t? That feeling, I think an illusion; more like a confusion of the real world and a fantasy we all hold dearly in our minds. And at the moment, I’m in that state of mind.

Judgment day is today. No, I’m not talking about the apocalypse because then, I definitely wouldn’t be writing this, would I? I’m talking about that day we all love and hate at the same time.

I can’t believe that the anxiety’s finally going to end because though these past few weeks of holidays have been a blast, I can’t deny that there has been nothing else on my mind besides today.

The thing is, I don’t really feel anything. I don’t know whether this is a good or bad thing but I feel just fine. I guess it’s also due to people telling me things I would like to hear, but didn’t want to hear when they told me. To put it simply, I was told of my performance prematurely.

And as much as I am happy, I am also afraid that my current state of mind is due to all that premature news. I’ve felt this before during my 4th semester when someone couldn’t keep a secret and told me about my results.

Know what I did? I didn’t even check my results, I went out and bought 2 pieces of Secret Recipe’s cakes to celebrate! Luckily my results were exactly what that person told me. If it were any different and worst still, worst than what I was told, I would probably have puked the cakes I gobbled down in celebration.

And right now, that’s exactly what I feel like doing. I’ve been told good things about my results and I know it’s bad, but I feel like celebrating already. After all, how can they be mistaken of my name for somebody else’s vice versa?

That’s just the problem. There are probably at least 2 more persons with my name, but a different spelling and different father, of course, and it’s not impossible to be mistaken.

So, I guess, I’m just going stay home today and read a book. I hope to be back without heartache and all smiles. Good luck to all the people out there.

June 07, 2007

sedikit blur

I’m suddenly lost for words. I really don’t know what to write though there are quite a few things going on in my head. I think I’m growing older and that’s making me think more than I should. When I’ve found the right words to say, I’ll compose another entry. For now, I just want to share a few pictures of myself and my cinta.