over and over again
For some reason, I am pissed off by all the relationship problems surrounding me. I just don’t know what is wrong. Can’t everyone just be happy and figure out quickly what the matter really is? I know love takes time, but please, just try and figure it out asap.
And no, just in case you’re wondering, my relationship is not on the rocks. It’s just me hearing every Tom, Dick, Harry, Joe and Jane’s story about their relationship problems. I just wish it was figured out quickly.
Okay, alright. I am not Doctor Love. I probably am not the best person to consult where relationships are concerned because contrary to the popular believe of some people in TTDI, I do not have that many guy friends, let alone any exes. So, yes, I am not the mistress of the heart, and no, I am not here to console any broken or near-broken hearts.
It’s tiring sometimes to see what has become of girls. We worry too much, we think too much and we feel too much. Not that it’s a bad thing; as it does sort of balance the impassiveness of the bulk of the male population, who sometimes don’t have a clue of what they’re doing, but sometimes, too much is just too much. And I will never stand up for a guy because I am ultimately a woman’s girl. I fight for women as much as I can.
But THIS is too much.
I see people expecting so much out of their partners. They expect to meet every single day, go out every single day, hang out every single day, watch all movies together, eat meals together and just name anything and you’ll just see them expecting to do things together to the point that I don’t think they know who they exist as without their boyfriends.
I understand the whole “one entity” concept when being in a relationship, but truthfully, it doesn’t work well that way. Even couples eternally bound by matrimonial bliss find time to do things on their own. Separation is good, sometimes. It gives a whole new meaning to the relationship because people are able to discover themselves without being influenced too much by what their partners think.
Yes, it probably is very easy for me to say this because I don’t have that much experience being in a short-distance relationship. They have always been far, far and far. So, I’ve just learnt to switch to “live with” and “live without” at appropriate times. Admittedly, when he’s near for more than 4 days, it gets tougher to switch back to “live without” because it is fun being able to do things as a couple. But I never really let that eat me up. I cry my eyeballs out for a day, worst case, and the next thing I know, I’m back on my own 2 feet, switched back to “live without”.
I guess girls have to learn to pretend that their boys are far even if they’re not, sometimes. They just have to learn. Guys love their alone time. If anything, this gives them the time to reflect on the time spent together and sometimes this time is even used to plan out activities for the next outing. Spending some time apart gives them time to miss their girls. Seriously, it does. And while they’re having such a blast, either on their own or with their pals, I think girls shouldn’t wallow in self-pity. I think girls should just get a few girlfriends and have a drink and talk and do some girly stuff in return. And don’t call them if they don’t want to be checked on. Give them some alone time.
I was once told by a wise man, “If he is jealous, he loves you. But if he is too jealous, he doesn’t love you at all”. And this is so, so true, applicable to both girls and guys. Now, who doesn’t get jealousy spells? Even I do and I don’t have much to be jealous about because first, I don’t really know what’s going on over the other side and second, I choose not to be jealous sometimes because I choose not to know what’s going on. I just trust my guts and hope that he would do nothing to hurt me.
We all get jealousy spells. He/she spends too much time with a person of the opposite gender. He/she is taking too many pictures with the same person of the opposite gender; an album could come out of it. These things are normal and it is not wrong to question. Only the person answering must have enough tact to tackle the question so that it wouldn’t end up in an argument. I’ve won and lost this one. Sometimes I get defensive and sometimes I am tactful enough to turn it into a joke. It’s okay so long as we know and set our own invisible, sensible boundaries. It’s normal. We are human. Humans feel. It’s just not normal to be so uncontrollably controlling.
Some trust is good. Total trust; wrong move, but trusting someone in a relationship really is a big step and a good one too. It’s better to take his/her word (though not entirely) rather than playing sickening, heart-wrenching guessing games with yourself (leave your mind at peace). Because I find that the more we think, the more irrational we become and the more of emotional wrecks we turn into. Give yourself a break. If he/she loves you enough, the only person on his/her mind would be you. Sometimes, an outing with friends whether of his/her own gender or the opposite would give them a better idea of what they should or should not do. Trust me; it’s surprising how such outings can throw some light onto the relationship as if he/she has been through some enlightening of some sort.
And lastly, the biggest mistake a girl can make is to push the question of the “big day”. It pisses them off, not because they don’t want to do it, but more because they get frustrated being asked questions like that when they are not emotionally and financially ready. Let’s face it. Do you think our dads were that ready when they married our moms? Probably yes and probably no, but even if they weren’t sure they were ready at that point in time and that they weren’t very sure if they were going to make a good job out of it, to move on with planning the “big day” really was a big step in their lives and that means they really were up to the commitment. So, stop pushing them about it. We can be naughty sometimes and playfully pop the question and it could end up being a joke you both enjoy but don’t get emotional if he doesn’t answer in the way you expect him to. He will eventually pop the question himself, you know. You just have to be patient.
And finally, the above apparently wasn’t the final. Stop EXPECTING, girls. Stop expecting him to run to you every time you have a cold, (again it is easy for me to say this, I know, because even if I stomp my feet and throw tantrums, it does take at least 2 hours to get here), stop expecting him to give you gifts, stop expecting him to plan the perfect Valentine’s and the perfect Anniversary. Just stop expecting too much out of your man. Expect him to forget things sometimes. Expect him to be insensitive sometimes. Even we forget and are insensitive sometimes, right? For no one is perfect, and no relationship ever will be as clear as crystal and as tough as diamond.
And once you stop expecting, the unexpected will come and you have no idea how these surprises will make your heart skip a beat and fall in love over and over and over again.
I might change my mind after a while, and my stance on this subject might just be different after a while. But at this point in time, this works just fine =)
And no, just in case you’re wondering, my relationship is not on the rocks. It’s just me hearing every Tom, Dick, Harry, Joe and Jane’s story about their relationship problems. I just wish it was figured out quickly.
Okay, alright. I am not Doctor Love. I probably am not the best person to consult where relationships are concerned because contrary to the popular believe of some people in TTDI, I do not have that many guy friends, let alone any exes. So, yes, I am not the mistress of the heart, and no, I am not here to console any broken or near-broken hearts.
It’s tiring sometimes to see what has become of girls. We worry too much, we think too much and we feel too much. Not that it’s a bad thing; as it does sort of balance the impassiveness of the bulk of the male population, who sometimes don’t have a clue of what they’re doing, but sometimes, too much is just too much. And I will never stand up for a guy because I am ultimately a woman’s girl. I fight for women as much as I can.
But THIS is too much.
I see people expecting so much out of their partners. They expect to meet every single day, go out every single day, hang out every single day, watch all movies together, eat meals together and just name anything and you’ll just see them expecting to do things together to the point that I don’t think they know who they exist as without their boyfriends.
I understand the whole “one entity” concept when being in a relationship, but truthfully, it doesn’t work well that way. Even couples eternally bound by matrimonial bliss find time to do things on their own. Separation is good, sometimes. It gives a whole new meaning to the relationship because people are able to discover themselves without being influenced too much by what their partners think.
Yes, it probably is very easy for me to say this because I don’t have that much experience being in a short-distance relationship. They have always been far, far and far. So, I’ve just learnt to switch to “live with” and “live without” at appropriate times. Admittedly, when he’s near for more than 4 days, it gets tougher to switch back to “live without” because it is fun being able to do things as a couple. But I never really let that eat me up. I cry my eyeballs out for a day, worst case, and the next thing I know, I’m back on my own 2 feet, switched back to “live without”.
I guess girls have to learn to pretend that their boys are far even if they’re not, sometimes. They just have to learn. Guys love their alone time. If anything, this gives them the time to reflect on the time spent together and sometimes this time is even used to plan out activities for the next outing. Spending some time apart gives them time to miss their girls. Seriously, it does. And while they’re having such a blast, either on their own or with their pals, I think girls shouldn’t wallow in self-pity. I think girls should just get a few girlfriends and have a drink and talk and do some girly stuff in return. And don’t call them if they don’t want to be checked on. Give them some alone time.
I was once told by a wise man, “If he is jealous, he loves you. But if he is too jealous, he doesn’t love you at all”. And this is so, so true, applicable to both girls and guys. Now, who doesn’t get jealousy spells? Even I do and I don’t have much to be jealous about because first, I don’t really know what’s going on over the other side and second, I choose not to be jealous sometimes because I choose not to know what’s going on. I just trust my guts and hope that he would do nothing to hurt me.
We all get jealousy spells. He/she spends too much time with a person of the opposite gender. He/she is taking too many pictures with the same person of the opposite gender; an album could come out of it. These things are normal and it is not wrong to question. Only the person answering must have enough tact to tackle the question so that it wouldn’t end up in an argument. I’ve won and lost this one. Sometimes I get defensive and sometimes I am tactful enough to turn it into a joke. It’s okay so long as we know and set our own invisible, sensible boundaries. It’s normal. We are human. Humans feel. It’s just not normal to be so uncontrollably controlling.
Some trust is good. Total trust; wrong move, but trusting someone in a relationship really is a big step and a good one too. It’s better to take his/her word (though not entirely) rather than playing sickening, heart-wrenching guessing games with yourself (leave your mind at peace). Because I find that the more we think, the more irrational we become and the more of emotional wrecks we turn into. Give yourself a break. If he/she loves you enough, the only person on his/her mind would be you. Sometimes, an outing with friends whether of his/her own gender or the opposite would give them a better idea of what they should or should not do. Trust me; it’s surprising how such outings can throw some light onto the relationship as if he/she has been through some enlightening of some sort.
And lastly, the biggest mistake a girl can make is to push the question of the “big day”. It pisses them off, not because they don’t want to do it, but more because they get frustrated being asked questions like that when they are not emotionally and financially ready. Let’s face it. Do you think our dads were that ready when they married our moms? Probably yes and probably no, but even if they weren’t sure they were ready at that point in time and that they weren’t very sure if they were going to make a good job out of it, to move on with planning the “big day” really was a big step in their lives and that means they really were up to the commitment. So, stop pushing them about it. We can be naughty sometimes and playfully pop the question and it could end up being a joke you both enjoy but don’t get emotional if he doesn’t answer in the way you expect him to. He will eventually pop the question himself, you know. You just have to be patient.
And finally, the above apparently wasn’t the final. Stop EXPECTING, girls. Stop expecting him to run to you every time you have a cold, (again it is easy for me to say this, I know, because even if I stomp my feet and throw tantrums, it does take at least 2 hours to get here), stop expecting him to give you gifts, stop expecting him to plan the perfect Valentine’s and the perfect Anniversary. Just stop expecting too much out of your man. Expect him to forget things sometimes. Expect him to be insensitive sometimes. Even we forget and are insensitive sometimes, right? For no one is perfect, and no relationship ever will be as clear as crystal and as tough as diamond.
And once you stop expecting, the unexpected will come and you have no idea how these surprises will make your heart skip a beat and fall in love over and over and over again.
I might change my mind after a while, and my stance on this subject might just be different after a while. But at this point in time, this works just fine =)
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