October 27, 2010

peep show.

Last weekend, I brought Mister to meet with the designer to get his measurements taken. I guess the easier part of being a guy is that your partner will pick out what she wants you to wear and then, you just come for fittings and you’re good to go. Bak kata Mister, “Belah saya, kita datang pastu kite senyum je wak”. Hmm. Very nice. Left everything in his mom’s hands. Hahaha. Nasib la labu.

Since we were there, I showed the designer more or less what I wanted (properly printed picture this time, because the last time we went, he sketched and I agreed saja) and he showed me more or less the kind of material that he will be using. I hope his plan materializes. I hope that despite the short amount of time he’s got to prepare, he’ll do a good job still.

Who is he? As usual, when I see the end product, I will recommend (or not). I’m sure 2 months is not too long a time to wait.

My dressmaker will be making my shoes as well, as it comes as part of the package. And of course, as with most wedding dressmakers, it will be the “normal” looking wedding shoe. Normally, I’m not so big on details and whatnot, so long as I have decent looking shoes.

BUT. Since the wedding will be in hall and everything, I think I have every right to want and be pretty AND comfortable. For one, when I go up to the pelamin, all eyes will be on me and I know that girls, being girls, they’ll check out each other’s shoes.

Girls can never have enough of shoes. Even if they have the tendency to wear the same old comfortable shoes again and again and again. *talking about girls as a third person, as if I’m not one of you* HAHAHA.

Plus, all the shoes I’ve tried in his boutique are ones without the strap at the back. No slingbacks and that worries me a bit (A bit? Who am I joking?! I could trip and fall if the shoe doesn’t fit. tsk)

So, I told my dressmaker, “Can I please have peep toe shoes, please?”. And he told me NO because he says it isn’t suitable for Malay weddings. Ye ke? And since Mister was there as well, and he hates me wearing peep toe shoes because according to him, it makes me look like I only have 3 toes, which in other words makes me cacat, he backed my dressmaker up and told me he didn’t like peep toes as well!

COME ON WHAT’S WRONG WITH PEEP TOES??? I think they look lovely! And very, very, very sexy! And comfortable too, even the super high heeled ones. I’ve always loved peep toe shoes and when I get my hands on a good pair, I keep on wearing it time and time again though the same shoe has made many trips to the cobbler *sigh*.

So, I’m thinking, I’ll just get myself another (spare) pair of shoes for my reception (just in case) because there’s no guarantee that I will like the shoe which my designer will make me. Sebenarnya, mungkin ini alasan untuk beli kasut baru sebab dah lama tak beli. Well, anything will do, so long as I can get my hands on some shoes!

And here are some which I absolutely love!

nice and sweet.

a touch of bling

the colour just POPS!

and this one too!

give your wedding a halloween feel ;)

a girl can DREAM of Stuart Weitzman shoes. Even if she cannot own. WOW
of course, images are courtesy of google.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

October 25, 2010

new to me.

Daddy’s Girl
by Lisa Scottoline.

When I picked this book up from the bookshelves at home, I was reading another book; a book which is interesting, but needs a lot of concentration in order for me to really appreciate the content. Turns out that I finished reading Daddy’s Girl first and didn’t get to finish the one I was reading before. So review for this one first, it is.

My first reaction when I read the first few pages? “Oh wow, this book is like an adaptation of a movie!” Yes, seriously. It’s as if the author extracted her favourite scenes from all her favorite movies and put it all into writing.

BUT. Just as I was about to put it down and turn to something else, the story became interesting. Mostly, the story revolves around “something under the floor” and the characters’ quest and trials and tribulations to find it.

It reinforced my belief that money is the root of all evil and that you can’t always trust the people you love and live with.

The one thing about this book which I thought was interesting is that it has many climaxes. Normally, in a book, there will a climax in which your heart stops for a while and that is normally as it comes to the end, right? Not this one. Just when I thought that the ending was the ending, there was another end to that ending. I am really not good at explaining these things as I am not an English teacher, but yeap. That’s what I thought about the book.

And the end to that ending is something you partially expect and don’t expect. When reading this book, just be wary of the fact that there can never be too many villainy characters in a book. It just doesn’t make much sense if there are like 3-4 villains in a story. It’s always just one. I missed that part out.

It’s kind of good for an unfamiliar author (to me at least). I give it a 3/5. Does she have any other books you people would like to recommend?

p.s: it still felt like a movie until the very end. And truth to be told, it's like a girly version of prison break of some sort.  

image googled. my cover is a little different from this.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

October 24, 2010

heavy stuff.


Have you ever heard of cold feet?

Oh, no. Have I jumped on the cold wagon unnecessarily too? Honestly? No, I haven’t.

Takkanlah lagi 2 bulan saya dengan secara gatalnya nak pergi fikir, “is he the right guy for me?” To me, that is plain takde penyakit cari penyakit. Lagi pun, walaupun masih ada masa nak so-called think it through and change your mind selagi tak berkahwin... I feel that, despite all the real fights we are having, these past few months have been our best yet.

I am not having cold feet about my marriage. I am having cold feet about decisions. Mutual, let’s-make-everyone-happy decisions.

I don’t really accept changes very well, even though I adapt pretty fast. I will either clam up at change or worst still, cry my eyeballs out until I am able to fully accept something. In other words... bila ada changes, I need time to let it sink in. There’s a difference between accepting one thing and adapting to the situation.

Adapting is my forte. Accepting is a force to be reckoned with. To me at least.

The changes we are (or may be) going through... were changes we didn’t expect would come our way, much less something we were searching for. But it came and landed at our feet. I do not know now, whether to call it an opportunity or a distraction. Either way, we are trying our level best to make sure that the decisions we make are ones based on clear and unimpaired judgment.

We had a long discussion on Friday and we both surprisingly took it very... civilly. I was being scared old me and him, the old Gung-ho style guy. We had a very fruitful discussion. I asked everything I had to ask and had the whole of Saturday to wrap the idea around my head. Today, when we had dinner together, I could talk about it, without being scared of it although I’d be honest that I haven’t accepted it yet.

Bila baca blog orang, ramai yang kata... dekat-dekat nak kahwin, mesti ada semacam rezeki pengantin. Memang pun, Alhamdulillah. And sometimes, rezeki itu datang bukan dalam bentuk barang nak letak atas dulang etc. saja, tapi dalam bentuk yang lebih besar yang menyebabkan kita rasa seperti jantung nak berhenti seketika.

Macam mana nak react kepada rezeki (atau dugaan) yang kita tak pernah terfikir akan datang atau yang kita tak pernah minta yang tiba-tiba kunjung tiba dalam hidup kita?

Rezeki jangan ditolak, musuh jangan dicari? That phrase. It has never been as meaningful as it is right now. Dugaan juga datang dalam bentuk yang menggembirakan? Yang mana satu yang kita perlu percaya?

Tapi, at the same time, saya rasa satu kerugian yang amat besar sedang berlaku. At the same time, rasa macam semua penat lelah selama ini semacam tak pulang modal lagi and I was hoping for a bit more. Just a little bit more.

But who am I to say. Kerja Allah memang suatu misteri yang tak semestinya mempunyai jawapan.

One more thing to be clarified and I made myself crystal clear that there is a certain threshold I am willing to tolerate.

One more thing and our lives are about to change.

I told him tonight that maybe, this was the way things are supposed to be?

I do not know, much as I want to know all the answers to this life.

Alot is going on in my life right now. Work-wise, relationship-wise, family-wise.

Heavy stuff going on, right? Make my life easy for me. Please.

It is cryptic because it was meant to be that way.

For me to know, and for you to probably never find out. I had to let this off my chest.

And for once, Mamita and Jaja, I didn't call you girls. I needed to think about this on my own.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

October 22, 2010

i can't do it on my own.

I was told that as a baby, I wasn’t an easy one to handle. As all babies do, I cried as well, but the quantum of my crying, when put together... could beat many babies’ cries, put together.

I was told that as a young, growing up child, I got an electric shot but my cousin Aie managed to save me. When I tell this to people now, people would tell me that it’s no wonder I have some brains. It’s easy to joke about this now because I’m alive.

I was told that when I started walking, I once disappeared from home. As my parents were frantically looking high and low for me, guess where I was? I was sleeping in the drain in front of our house, then, in Ampangan, Seremban.

As a kid, I loved to touch things I shouldn’t have touched. I tried to bounce a Christmas decorative ball, made out of glass and my mom had to pay for it with her already little pay. I loved to try on perfumes and once got some in my eyes and I made my mom convince me I wasn’t blind.

I also loved toys I couldn’t have and made a scene at Toys r’ Us because my parents couldn’t afford to buy me the playhouse with the kitchen.

As a kid, I was never spoilt with niceties of all kinds but I had oh so much love. Our first home was a single story house, in Ampangan which had rented furniture in it. They had a TV, a radio, me and themselves. After all, my parents were really young when they got me and they were just building their careers then.

Post high school, I became a much easier person to handle because my parents had no choice but to let me live my life on my own. I was left to make my own decisions and organise my own life. Those were the best times of my life. I managed to study and make friends and also celebrate life as it came every day, in a way I liked. I felt so alive. Best times of my life.

Post varsity brought me home again and I had to go through a massive culture shock although I never left the country for my tertiary education. Massive adaptations had to be made to my carefree life. And by carefree I don’t mean wild, don’t get me wrong. I was so used to handling my own life that when people looked into every little thing I did, I became riled. But like it or not, you can’t choose who your family is and so, you learn to live and love.

If it were not for this wedding, I think I would not be thinking of why my parents are the way they are with me. The road to my wedding has so far been a very bittersweet journey. There are things I don’t reveal, not even to Mister sometimes, because to me, some dirty laundry should be left in the laundry basket and not be hung out to dry until they are thoroughly cleaned.

And with everything going on in my life, of course there are arguments of varying degrees. Of course there are misunderstandings and miscommunications. Kecil hati, terasa dan sewaktu dengannya itu biasa. Confrontations and small talks as well.

It’s easy to blame our parents for wanting the best they could ever want to do for their kid. It becomes suffocating when they love you too much and it gets really difficult to love them back sometimes because of the things they utter. But in the end, you love them anyway because you cannot imagine a life in which they are not in.

Sometimes, it’s not so much of what was said, but how it was said. But how could you possibly change them, if they’ve lived for around half a century and have always been that way?

I always feel like my parents are sometimes not thankful enough to have me as a daughter. I always felt this way when I brought home my exam results and they started asking me how other people faired. Because to me, if your daughter manages to get a DL for every single semester, there’s no point in asking her how other people faired. It would only be fair to reward her instead.

But I’m not Adik. And that’s what they’ll only do with her, that I have come to learn. Trust me, I am not bitter about it at all because though there are some things which Adik has more, she lacks in some other money-can’t-buy things which I was privileged enough to get.

Getting back to not being thankful part, it’s easy to feel like our parents are not thankful for having us as a daughter because it’s the things that happen now, which are those we tend to remember. Sometimes, I wish I could remember those times when I cried so much ‘til my mom couldn’t sleep. Or those times when I caused them heartaches for “disappearing” in the drain or the massive scare I gave them when I got an electric shock. I also wish I could remember those times when I threw a tantrum at Toys r’ Us just because they couldn’t afford to buy me a playhouse complete with the kitchen and the works. I wished I remembered them, instead of being told of them. I wish I remembered how difficult I was as a kid.

Why do I want to remember?

So that, I too, can learn to be thankful. I can’t keep on remembering the things I have done for them now and keep on thinking that they are the ones who should be thankful. I should go back to those times in which my memory escapes me, so that I will remember how difficult it was to bring me up to become this person that I am now.

And that without my parents’ hard work, I would never be where I am and who I have become.

It’s time to stop thinking that I could do it all on my own, because clearly, even the thought of it haunts me and scares me to my bone. I can't do it on my own.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

October 19, 2010


Yesterday in general, was a bad day for me. I cried a lot for many reasons and I was hot headed. It didn’t help that last night was really hot as well.

Yesterday morning, yes, early morning, I blew my top over a stupid joke a a guy made. I blew my head over "uncalled for remarks" by a colleague and all that because to me, they were being chauvinistic. And that they didn’t even care that they were, because to them, it’s just the norm.

It was a really stupid joke. We served some drinks for the meeting that wasn't supposed to even have drinks to begin with. We were supposed to bring our own. We were thinking that perhaps, since it was pretty informal, we'd do away with the saucers. So we just prepared cups. Someone made a comment about the lack of saucers, "Macam mana ni serve air macam ni je?!"

So, I just lashed back without thinking and told him that I didn't mind serving him his drink as long as he washed his own cup after that. I was short of telling him, "I'm not your maid, and you're not my Mister, so I have no obligation to serve you to begin with. Bring your own drink next time".

But of course, I managed to bite my tongue and shut the hell up. Today, I told my mom about it and my mom's eyes went as wide as saucers (pun intended). She told me not to do it too often, especially not to those older than me and I told her I don't. My anger yesterday, to put it simply... was just di hujung tanduk.


Even in this so-called modern world we live in, there are chauvinists of all forms. Why do you expect women to make the drinks and to clean up after you? Please. My dad does the dishes at home, okay? Because my mom's hands are sensitive and reacts adversely to anything detergent. And, yes, my mom does not go to work. When my Mister eats dinner at home, the least he would do is to accompany me while I'm doing the dishes. The last time he had dinner here, he did the dishes and had no problem with it. So, what's your excuse?

The problem with men is their preconceived ideas about what an ideal woman should be. If the girl were radical, talked too much, was too intelligent and spoke her mind too often, that would be the perfect taboo, because hey, aren't women supposed to be delicate, soft spoken, sopan santun and the likes? They (men) have these traditional roles embedded in their minds, so much so that anything but is a huge dent to their ego.

Please, don't give me all that bull crap about traditional roles.

If you want to start debating about traditional roles, that would mean that us girls would have to stay at home, conceive as many babies as possible, bring them up, make sure their homework is done and future is bright and men MUST and SHALL (denotes a mandatory responsibility) by all means, bring back "ENOUGH worms to the nest for EVERYONE". Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

But with the demands of the modern world, us girls, we go to work as well. Because for a household to sustain on just one income is out of the question. A man's responsibility to bring back the "worms to the nest" is a religious obligation and most women are aware of this, but we waive most of our rights because we would like to grow old with our spouse and expecting them to be the sole breadwinner who is the only one who thinks about bringing back the money would do the exact opposite. They would die of stress and we would have to grow old alone. So, we gladly split the roles.

I think (some) men have already changed their mindsets about these preconceived traditional roles of women. But having said that, only a few really, actually appreciate women, like truly for the "Extras" they do in addition to their sh*tloads of work in the office. And women continue to take care of household chores because its just in our nature to do so, even when we're sharing the burden of bringing home some cash.

So, please. Don't rile me with all this attitude of "women should do this, women should do that".

This has got to change. Please and thank you.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)


36" 26" 38" (i got that off the internet, of course i didn't measure her)

What you are looking at right now, is an ideal figure, according to my designer.

Yes, after hours and hours at Jalan TAR, it was time to Meet The Designer. The first time I met him was sometime in May. At that time, he told us that it was a wee bit too early to do anything. I agree. After all, we weren’t even engaged then.

So, now that there’s about 2 months left, we just had to get on with it. Semua orang (read: Mama) dah panic. Panic of the highest degree.

The first time I was there, I tried something on and decided from the very start that I loved it already. I knew that even if we didn’t make my wedding attire with this designer, I would want the same design with any other designer.

But after trying on a few other pieces this time round, other than the one I had my eyes on, Mak Long, Fah and Mama decided that the colour of that dress just wasn’t suitable for me and for the event in general. And Mama decided that the design was a wee bit out of theme (not that we had any to begin with tiba tiba kan sekarang haha).

So, Mama said… “we’re getting you a new one”. Meaning, even though all this while I had the idea of simply renting anything I fancied from the shop, Mama decided, the reception attire should be something cut and made for my body. YEAYNESS! I get my own dress??! Hahaha. Jakun sekejap.

Simply because I am small.

Most people I read about want to lose weight before the wedding and a lot of people think it’s kind of fun to be all stick and bones. I thought it was too, until my measurements were taken and I was told about ideal measurements. And those ideals don't even have to be as perfect as the model in the photo above!

I am nowhere close to ideal, I tell you! I am just... small.

Which upsets me a little, of course, but I feel that I shouldn’t be so perturbed by it much since I’ve always been like this. Can’t expect me to go on a bingeing spree 2 months before and expect that all that fat will go to all the desired places. If that were the case, then my bingeing spree for the past year hasn’t worked at all. I've failed miserably in my mission. Don’t know what makes people think it will work on me now.

So, I am out to get a good Maximizer (hua hua hua so funny) and who can tell me where to get an ‘artificial butt’ please? I was told that it’s like pants, but with padding at the backside. Is this the same as Spanx? And if yes, where can I find it?

I wonder if I’m the only one facing this “too thin” problem.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

October 18, 2010

Cloth Guru.

Last weekend, we picked Mak Long up as promised. I knew that I would come home with more than just shopping bags (read: massive headache) if I was left alone with the both of them, so I called Fah up and begged her to come along. After all, she could do with all the fresh air in the world and I needed a fresh breath of young people around me too.

So, we picked Mak Long up at 10 a.m.

The drama began in the car itself! OMG our mummies are so funny, we couldn’t stop laughing! After a while we realised that Mama wasn’t the best driver (as she is sooo used to having Babah and myself drive her), and that Mak Long calls left as “belok situ” and right as “belok situ” as well, causing us to be a little unsure whether she meant left or right, so we buckled up behind and laughed and laughed at how the 2 sisters were acting.

The second drama was at the parking lot. OMG! Mama was yap yapping all the way up the ramp because it was going round and round, even worse than curly fries! We parked at Semua House by the way, so I’m sure those who frequent Jalan TAR would know what the parking lot is like. They were even arguing about where to park – whether closest to entrance or closest to exit is better. Haih, mothers.

uuuuu aaaaaa

And then, the Cloth Guru got to work. Mak Long is really the best person to bring to Jalan TAR and all the fabric shops anywhere in world. She was so patient with all of us. Penyabar yang amat. She was commenting on every little piece that my mom planned on getting – cantik, no not that one, wow that’s beautiful, oooooo that colour is soo beautiful. They were uuuuh aahing at cloth and Fah and myself were trying really hard to stifle yawns. *sigh*


mangsa keadaan

mangsa keadaan jua

Part of the Pact that day was that Mak Long was supposed to concentrate on Mama’s purchases so that meant she couldn’t/shouldn’t buy anything. But when we weren’t looking, she went digging and digging into piles of cloth and found 2 pieces of raw silk that she loved! Her expression was priceless la hoi! Siap cakap lagi, “But I’ve always wanted fuchsia”. Okay, okay Mak Long we believe you. So comel.

Believe it or not, we were up on our feet for more than 8 hours before we left Jalan TAR to go Meet The Designer. By that time, we were really tired from all the walking and carrying those heavy loads up and down, up and down until they both made a decision that they were fully satisfied with their choices. Mak Long seriously is the best person to bring around for Cloth Consultation. I wish she did it for a living. She’d be richer than she already is. Hahahahah.

I seriously have the highest degree of respect for those who brave Jalan TAR on a weekly basis for wedding stuff and the spouses who go with them too. That place really has a life of its own- a force to be reckoned with. Heh.

Alhamdulillah, cloth for my family is done. But you know what? We sort of went off tangent with the theme. Hahahaha. Suka hati la labu. Kawan-kawan yang dah tahu theme colour jangan risau. Pakai je apa yang dah beli tu. Off tangent sikit je pun. Hahahahaha.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

writing down your secrets

Yes, if you are like me, you need to pen down your thoughts, even when you’ve called the whole world to tell about your problems.

Some of them appear here and some of them elsewhere. I am all well, as long as it is written.

Some people have asked me how to do the encryption/decryption. I figured I should do a tutorial and bookmark it at the sidebar so that you all can now pen down your secrets safely.

1. First, copy the highligthed portion in green from here:

2. Go to your Dashboard and look for Design and then click on Edit HTML.

3. Look for the highlighted portion which says "head" and paste the text which you copied from the website just now, like what I did in the second photo here.

4. Make sure to save changes.

5. When you want to write a secret post, I suggest you type out your text in Word first.

6. Then, copy the text.

7. Go to this website.

8. And paste your text.

9. Notice the “key” where I typed in hate123. That is the password to your post.

10. After you have pasted your text, click on “Encrypt”, scroll down the page and you will see this:

11. Copy the HTML Code.

12. Go back to your blog and go to “New Post” as you would normally do when you want to write about something. Paste the HTML Code at the Edit HTML tab.

13. Then, you can change the “Show Encrypted Text” to some other thing like,

“Only you can know”

14. Then, publish post.

15. It will appear like the post before this :

16. Click on the hyperlink. It will ask you for a key.

17. The key I decided is hate123. When you write your secrets, you can decide on any key, but be sure to remember, if not tak boleh bukak secrets sendiri! Try and key in that key.

Happy trying with your respective blogs!

For larger view, you can click on the images. And yes, you may reproduce this and yes, you may link me if you want to teach someone else.

I will bookmark this with the label " encrypt tutorial"

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

hate (test post)

October 15, 2010

lima ratus.

I may seem a little ignorant about the current ongoings in our country, etc. since I hardly talk about those issues. But I'm not really ignorant. Sometimes, I'm just not sure of whether or not I should say/write something as my opinions may be perceived in a way I do not wish it to be perceived.

Be that as it may, I do have my own 2 cents of thoughts about the 2011 Budget. I heard the most part of it, even while doing my HIV Test in Melaka (yes, I went that far because of several reasons) and I've got to say that this year's budget is one of the most interesting ones because of the way it was presented.

Funny I didn't feel as sleepy as I normally would during tabling of budget time. (walaupun ada tersengguk jugak dalam kereta)

I'd be lying if I said I'm not the least bit ambitious. I'd be lying if I said that I'm not disappointed with the decisions involving my sector. Or perhaps, it was the rumours I heard beforehand that is causing me to feel a little too disappointed with what has been tabled.

  • RM500 bonus? Come on. That's the price of 365 (my car's) monthly fuel consumption. Sometimes (especially now), I use more than that. RM500 will go poof up in the air in a jiffy. Plus, I have been working so hard lately and I feel like I deserve more.
  • 10% "free" downpayment for first-time housebuyers. But house must be RM220,000 or less. Where do I find a house THAT cheap? One which is not an apartment, I mean. 

The 2 above are 2 out of the long list of items which instantly caught my attention. I've got to say that the 2011 Budget has got its own upsides as well... like the decision to abolish PTK, which I think is splendid. No one should be assessed based on exam results when they are working. It's the actual work that should be the determinant of one's performance and possible elevation in position.

Above all, I'm quite happy with this part of the budget.

"The Govt proposes that import duty on approximately 300 goods preferred by tourists and locals, at 5% to 30%, be abolished."

"Antara barang-barang harian yang terlibat adalah beg tangan, kasut, baju dan baju dalam, seluar dan seluar dalam"... (this is the thing I heard in the car just now. Hehe.)

Hua hua hua. That was really funny. All in all the Budget this year wasn't so bad. Though there are still decisions which portrayed a tad bit of nepotism and unnecessary spending. 

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

October 14, 2010

would I?

What is the first thing that comes to your mind at the mention of “Marriage/Kahwin?”

I asked Mister this question last night. He told me, “Responsibilities.” He is worried as hell that he would not be able to carry out his responsibilities as a good husband.

Well, I’m afraid of not being a good wife as well, but at the mention of “Marriage/Kahwin?”, the first thing that comes to my mind is… (please don’t laugh at me),

Haha. I’m such a weirdo, right? But that is seriously the first thing that comes to my mind and I don’t know why.

I love cooking though I don’t cook much because… well, because of this. But still, it doesn’t make my love for cooking any less.

And that brings me to my next point, which is: “How on earth can I cook and enjoy my marriage if my working hours are crazy?

I know, I know. Some people have it worst than me. But seriously, how do all the married women do it and most importantly, how do the mothers do it?

I used to think that I wouldn’t have any problem, seeing that Mama did a good job raising us alone. Yes, when we were much younger, Babah worked in KL while Mama raised us in Seremban. We hardly saw him, vice versa and life back then wasn’t lavish or easy at all. *raises eyebrow at Adik* (peace Adik!)

So, I thought that if Mama could do it, I would have no excuse not to be able to do it too.

But those times were good times. It was the right time and right place and it’s like everything fell into place for the both of them. They weren’t earning much but they made ends meet. We had a comfortable place to live in and we were never short of any baju raya or birthday parties, no matter how simple.

How did she do it? Did the women then have it easier than the women now?

As a woman, I feel that the pressure is on. It’s as if a lot of people are peering through a microscope and I’m the subject of interest. Would I be able to clean the house properly, would I be able to make sure my husband’s (and kids’) clothes are well washed, dried, kept and ironed, would I have the time to talk to my husband and kids and look into their homework and school activities, would I be able to prepare them packed meals to be brought to school like Mama made me, would I forget to pick them up from school like how some people here in the office have done on occasions, would I be too tired to entertain them all when I finally get home from work or would they be sleeping every night without bedtime stories from their mom?

I mean, doesn’t you tummy tie up in knots every time you think of all the things you might not be able to do due to the demands of modern working women?

And of course, most importantly, would I be able to come back home everyday, in time to cook a nice hot meal for everyone and be able to sit around the table during dinner (like how Babah insists, even when I’m the only one at home) so that we could all get some special bonding time together?

I can’t even manage my own meals and Mama bothers about my clothes and sometimes change of towels and bedsheets, so would I be able to do it myself when I’m left to live on my own?

I bet that a lot of you working women are facing the same problems now. Oh, what is to become out of us? Can work be a little bit more marriage-friendly?

Work is not all that there is to life. Or has it become?

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Eh, where did buduh piang go to?

Well, out of respect for Mister who finally read the post at 4 p.m. (poor thing, kerja banyak sangat, lunch pun tak makan), who told me it wasn’t nice to write things like that, I decided to make it a private post. Though… around 100 people have read it already today, so most people already know that I was angry. And I’ve got to say that I know people who aren’t going through the same situation will never quite understand.

Don’t be surprised. I can be angry. But all is well now and today is actually a very good day.

I’ll update more in a while. See, today really is a good day :)


I'd just like to know what you like, that's all ;)

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buduh piang

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

October 12, 2010

perfect ten, with love.

[continued from here]

I looked into the larder and in the fridge and figured that I should not bother making something which I’m not good at making.

If there was spaghetti, I would have made that since Adik is a HUGE FAN!

But there was none, so I made these:

butter carrot rice.

The rice is real easy to make.


  • 1 ½ pot (is this how we spell it?) of rice.
  • Around 20g (max) of salted butter (you can measure by using the indicator on the butter packaging).
  • A little bit of olive oil. Mine was slightly on the oily side that day so remember not to be overzealous with the oil.
  • 1 ½ carrots (medium size), grated. This gives the rice the saffron-like colour, which I love.
  • Onions (no exact measurement, but approx. ¾ of a big onion)
  • Salt (I use garam kasar because my mom says that it’s slightly sweeter)


  • put olive oil in pan and leave to heat for a while.
  • then, put in the butter to melt with the olive oil.
  • put in carrots first and leave to sauté.
*DO NOT put in onions first because onions burn faster and that would make your dish slightly bitter.
  • after the carrots have started to soften, put in the onions and leave them both to sauté. make sure the carrots and onions are well cooked (tapi bukan garing atau hangus okay?)
*Mama taught me a trick. when cooking any dish with vege like tomatoes, bendi or carrots etc., make sure the vege are cooked properly. if not the food will spoil very easily. that’s why sometimes, you find that your curry yang ada carrots or tomatoes cepat berbuih and rosak.
  • add in salt as required.
  • turn fire off and leave the tumisan to rest. it will normally cook in its own heat.
  • prepare rice and add in water as how you like your rice to be (kering or basah or lembik or keras).
*always bear in mind that the tumisan is a little bit runny too, so the water you add to the rice depends on how runny your carrot-onion base is.
  • put the rice cooker and don’t forget to press “COOK” button.
  • to add flavour, add in a few chunks of chicken (which I did).

chicken wings "brulee"

The chicken wings "brulee" was a (slight) kitchen mishap. I was rushing and the chicken had not defrosted properly yet so, it was a little runny. I misgauged the amount of soy sauce and honey to be put into the chicken marinade, and that was what caused the chicken to slightly (slightly la sangat) char. Remember, when sugar burns, it will turn into some sort of brulee (nicer word for hitam). And since this combo involved soy sauce and honey, it “bruleed” more than normal.

But whatever it is, looks can be deceiving. As black as the chicken turned out to be, apart from the charred bits, it was quite succulent ;)

udang padprik.

And this, my dear readers, is my version of udang padprik. I had padprik in mind and was happily preparing until I realised we didn’t have any chilli boh. What??? So, for flavour, I had to use cili api giling and for colour, I had to use chilli sauce. Which explains why it turned out to be orange-ish instead of red. When making padprik, please remember to add lemongrass and also lime leaves (daun limau purut). These ingredients can really add character to a simple dish, I tell you.


Apart from the slight mishap I had with the chicken, my biggest mishap that day was when my dad asked for a simple brunch.

He wanted 2 sunny side ups and some bread.

And I burnt my finger making him his sunny side up. Fail betul!

Other than that, all of them were happy and these 2 had second helpings despite Mister who initially warned Adik,

Adik, kalau sakit perut after this you know why!

And Adik kept on reiterating that she didn’t know why she was SO hungry, so since she’s hungry she had to eat some more, while going nom nom nom nom on the food I brought. Hah!

Mengaku je lah sedap, right? Right? Right? ;p

Of course, I was super happy too ;)

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Adik had a little bit of a breakdown 2 weekends ago due to accumulated stress. She’s not the type who gets stressed out very fast (or often, even) and crying is probably something she does once a year, tops. Adik is Babah’s favourite best friend. It is a well-acknowledged and well-accepted fact by all of us. No jealousy whatsoever.

So, imagine what Babah felt when he saw his bestest friend break down AND cry!

For the whole of last week, Babah kept on reiterating how kesian he was that Adik cried and how upset she seemed and that he felt so kesian for her (again) and that he too was really upset that Adik was upset. Haih la, Babah.

They (Mama and Babah) both didn’t know the cause of Adik’s breakdown but I knew. And they somehow sensed that I did and was trying very hard to coerce details out of me. Of course, I didn’t oblige. Since they were very determined to find out why Adik was crying so bad, they decided they needed to make a trip to Seremban to visit her. To make whatever it was that was wrong, right again.

I grimaced at the thought. I knew that the last thing Adik needed were my parents going there in the middle of exam week. So, I sort of volunteered the moment Mister agreed he would accompany me.

The night before Seremban (which was Saturday night, 091010), we were in BSP and I just came back from a wedding in Melaka. On normal circumstances, I would’ve just bought something on the way to Seremban to feed Adik.

But I figured that since I’m going to go and comfort Adik, I might as well go OTT with the preparations and got going in the kitchen.

Plus, since Mama was rushing to go to a gathering on 101010 morning, I knew she wouldn’t be there to breathe down my neck while I was cooking.

Please don’t get me wrong. I love my mom to death (as much as she drives me up the wall sometimes). She’s probably one of the best cooks I’ve ever known. Even her sunny side ups are amazing! But because of that fact, well... I feel intimidated to cook when she’s around.

So, at the opportunity I had to cook alone, I did just that ;)

I’ll show you in the next post, what I made for the perfect ten day.

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1. The fact  or condition of being regarded as more important. a thing regarded as more important than others.

[Concise Oxford English Dictionary]

Sometimes, we make other people our priority. But we often make that mistake where we hope that they would reciprocate by making us theirs as well. 

Susah sangat ke? Lu pikir la sendiri.

And yes I am fed up and this must be because I am tired (of everything).

I need to breathe deeply before I EXPLODE.

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October 08, 2010

vulgar innuendos.

This morning, when I came to the office and greeted my colleague, he asked me,

“Awak, kenapa awak ada bisol?”

So, I told him that it wasn’t a bisol. Though, in retrospect, after taking a few photos of myself (nampak sangat vain nak mamps), it is HUGE. No wonder people gave me funny looks as I was leaving the office for lunch.

spot the bisol

I told my colleague that my mom said the reason why people grew pimples is because they like to berangan a lot.

He asked me,

“Apa la awak berangan dekat mulut awak tu, kan?” *complete with smirk on face and everything*

And yes, he’s a he. Guys, I tell you. You can’t give them a chance at it at all. You give them a chance and they turn even the ugliest of things into something “naughty” like that.

I don’t know whether or not that is a form of sexual harassment and a lot of people would call me poyo for raising this matter. Of course, there was no direct reference to anything sexual at all, but to me, there was a certain level of vulgar innuendo to it.

I guess with the shifting of morals, people think we shouldn’t mind anymore when people make remarks such as that which was made to me. After all, it was said in jest, wasn’t it? Uhuh.

Maybe I’m the traditional one. Maybe I’m too conservative when it comes to certain things. But to me, a guy should always keep his sexy thoughts to himself, especially if the person he is saying those things to is/will be someone else’s wife.

I also think that if you are a guy who has a girlfriend or is about to get married, you should save any words of praise you have for your partner and her alone. In my personal opinion, though realistically speaking there are many more other people more gorgeous that your partner, she should be the only one entitled to those praises.

Conservative much? Uhuh. Very.

I just think that the shifting of morals is the very thing that is breaking down the most honest of relationships.

Enough of all the serious stuff.

My “bisol” is fixed! Apadahal. Bukan susah pun.

feeling tok pah gitu. huahuahua

All better now.

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October 07, 2010

pelamin anganku.

click for larger view.


Tentang perkara ni, saya ada tulis another version, but at that time, saya tidak rasa tenang sebegini. Dan bila hati tak tenang, cara penulisan kita akan terjejas, menyebabkan apa yang ingin kita sampaikan tak sampai dengan cara yang kita inginkan.

Saya tak mahu mengira hari kerana itu menyebabkan perkara-perkara berkenaan dengan perkahwinan menjadi sesuatu yang mengerikan. Tapi, kalau saya tak mengira hari, semua orang akan decide to take it easy sebab saya pun 2 kali 5. Ini wedding saya, jadi saya rasa semua orang nantikan saya untuk jadi the “pushing factor”.

Jadi, saya pun mula mengira hari dan email semua list saya kepada Mama dan Babah, together with my wedding countdown.

My dad started panicking and asked bila kita nak buat card ni? So, I obliged and told them mana tempat-tempat nak buat card. Mama insisted that we go to Pudu sebab kawan dia ada buat card di situ. Saya tahu keadaan Pudu Plaza and Pudu in general sebab dulu pergi la juga jenguk nak beli-beli DSLR. So, agak ngeri untuk bawa Mama ke sana sebab… well, sebab Pudu is Pudu and Mama is Mama.

But nonetheless, we went last Sunday. Turns out that banyak kedai tutup but the main shops like LH Creative and One Card buka. PHEW. Nasib baik. Kalau tak memang kena angkut mereka berdua pergi Jalan Reko lah gayanya.

Thing about my parents (and family) is that they are very involved in this wedding. Anak pertama, cucu pertama, wedding pertama. Memang semua nak ambil port. Bila orang lain dengar, pasti ada yang jealous. Sebab ada juga orang yang tiada siapa heran dia nak kahwin. Tapi bagi orang macam saya yang semua orang interested nak tahu pasal dia punya wedding, sometimes, she just wishes she could make her own decisions.

Walau apa pun, my paramount consideration is everyone’s happiness. Untuk nikah and reception, theme colours pun was not decided by me, but by my Wedding Council (ad hoc). Down to warna hantaran pun Mama macam nak decide. Mesti ada orang rasa kesian dekat saya sekarang, kan? Ke takde? Tapi itulah hakikatnya. Semua orang gets to decide warna apa would look good on them as a family first, baru saya cari baju saya. Risky? Yes. But everyone is happy. I should be too, bukan?

So, kisah mencari baju reception akan bermula next week. Babah akan ikut sebab dia jujur so kalau baju tu tak cantik, he will go like "EWWW" (dalam versi dia sendiri of course). Mak Long akan turut serta dalam expidisi ini sebab dia yang paling pandai bab-bab baju ni. In fact she’s got a treasure chest at home yang lebih hebat dari poket doraemon (Fah jangan marah kita cakap Mummy awak. Dia comel okay ;p). Semua orang dalam family dia dah ada baju kecuali the boys kata Mak Long. Semangat tak? Lagi berapa bulan saya nak kahwin, orang lain semua dah ada baju EXCEPT the bride. HAHAHAHAHA. When I put it that way, rasa kelakar pula.

Masa Raya, T Chal was bugging Mama about pembahagian tugas (peace Na, mummy awak sangat reliable don't know what I'd do without her as well). Mama ni pulak relax selamba kodok. Takut pun ada bila dia relax. Tapi bila dia kalut, lagi serabut sebab tak sudah-sudah membebel. Busu pula tak habis-habis tanya apa nak sponsor? Sponsorship ada had harga dan ada tamat tempoh tau. Kena cepat sebelum Disember dah kena cakap. Adoih.

Kenapa hanya letak Mak Long, T Chal, Busu and Mama walaupun adik-beradik ada 8? Sebab T Chal and Mak Long ada perbezaan pendapat tentang bersanding dan merenjis and Busu paling rapat dengan Mama (kot?). Sama manja macam Adik dengan saya. Anyway, point is, saya decide saya tak mahu direnjis. T Chal menyokong 100% tak perlu merenjis. Kata dia macam meniru adat orang lain. Mak Long kata susah untuk lawan tradition. Mama nampak macam teringin. Kata dia, walau apapun benda tu dinamakan, yang penting ialah tujuan dan niat semua orang. Semua orang teringin nak merenjis kot? I suspect dia pun teringin. PHEW.

Haritu, Babah buat flowchart. Dari mula make-up sampai habis majlis. Pastu ada timeline, pastu ada sound system chart. Dia nak request letak lagu-lagu dia dalam my wedding playlist! He wants it to be enjoyable for his friends as much as it is enjoyable for mine. Hahahahha. Kalau korang dah lama gila tak agaknya? Nasib baik my dad has good taste in songs since he’s the musical one. Kalau tak tak tahu la lagu dondang sayang mana akan tiba-tiba make its way into my list of songs. Band pun Babah nak decide, MC pun sama, kompang pun sama. Kiranya siapa yang akan datang my wedding, jangan la terkejut ada lagu oldies. Kalau nak kutuk pun pelahan-pelahan nanti orang tua tu dengar kecit hati dia. PHEW.

Anyways, berbalik kepada card. Last weekend kami dah pick out a design dah pun. My dad sort of picked it out. Sebab semakin tua dia, semakin fussy. Dia nak tahu semua decisions. Nasib baik taste lebih kurang sama. No frills, clean, simple, practical, cheap. Tapi kalau ikutkan kehendak hati sendiri, the first card I picked out cost RM6. They love me yes, but they are not crazy. So, takkan dibelikan yang itu. Ingat nak pergi tempah this week tapi I requested boleh tak buat next week sebab saya nak pergi kenduri, please please please OMG lama sangat duduk memerap tak berjalan tu yang jadi depressed tulis post panjang tak bermotif ni.

Tahu apa Babah cakap? Dia kata takpa, nanti Babah bawak Mama jalan-jalan kitaorang pergi tempahkan. OMG. PHEW.

So, kesimpulannya, penat bila semua decision semua orang nak masuk campur. Tapi, apa saya boleh buat ialah bersyukur kerana tak ramai parents yang nak redah Pudu untuk pergi buat kad kahwin anak dia. Or ikut sama nak pergi cari baju. And bila muka anak dah tak berapa semenggah tengok harga baju, dia pun swipe card dalam wallet dia lepas tu bila tanya macam mana nak bayar balik dengan muka paling manis boleh menyebabkan diabetes, dia cakap tak apalah, kahwin sekali je.


Semua PHEW ada maksud berlainan dan saya rasa kesemuanya at this point.

Adik & Abang, I need you both HOME, pronto.

Kan dah cakap panjang nak mamps.

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October 06, 2010


it’s when you consciously think of NOT doing something/ acting like someone, that you end up acting EXACTLY like that.”
- haneesa

… and it’s when you consciously think of DOING something, that you end up doing the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you tell yourself to do.

I doubt that anyone can tell me otherwise. But it’s something we must work on, to make it work out.

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