April 29, 2009

um, hello?

i miss you terribly.

soon is such an appealing word.

soon is such an urgent need.

i miss you terribly.

going loco.

Suddenly, I’m feeling an unexplainable surge of pressure. I’m short of saying I’m going crazy over so many things; over my new line of work, over the torturous waiting, over my loss of inspiration, over people’s antics.

It’s a bit overbearing but I guess that’s life, alright.

I’m starting to imagine Theodore being a real boy. I can imagine him saying to me,

“Mummy, you are such a noob. Why are you taking so many horrible photos with me now? You’re smudging my reputation. Why haven’t you bought Lola for me yet? Why are you not exploring more than you should. Why are you so scared about what people think about the job I do? I think I do a better job when you are not thinking too much. And please get me Lola, because I am lonely. I also happen to think that it’s better to make me more powerful by getting me new internal organs. That’s way better than waiting for an hour and a half to recharge me anyway. Plus, I would like to take more photos. So please improve my memory.”

Seriously, I can hear him echo in my skull. I told you I was going crazy.

April 28, 2009

damn cold.

12.25 p.m. I am at the office as I always am everyday. Wearing 3 layers of clothes, I still feel pretty much like an Asian stuck in an igloo. I wish they would stop reducing the temperature. It has become a tad bit uncomfortable for my liking.

I’m getting hungrier by each and every passing minute but there’s nothing much I can do because I’ve eaten all my cookies, biscuits and snacks. So, there’s nothing to munch anymore.

I think people can sense that this post is produced in a monotonous tone, and hey, you’re right.

I’m just cooking something up right now so that I don’t feel so cold and hungry and… nervous.

Yes, I have a presentation at 2.30 p.m., my first yet and I’m lightheaded and jittery. Of course, the cold is not helping at all.

Toodles then.

I need to surprise myself.

April 27, 2009

i have a dream.

I’ll bet you a million dollars that every ambitious person would cry in despair when they hear my dreams. Or my lack of it.

But of course, I won’t tell you what my simplistic dreams are. One hint though; it involves me being happy. Oh well, I’ve probably told my secret dream already. See, I told you that I was simplistic.

It’s not that I don’t want to dream of bigger, better things, but I find that more often than not, we’ll be faced with disappointment and heartache when we project our lives too far from the present. It’s okay to do it, but sometimes, it just isn’t healthy.

You can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to reach it, you’re grappling in the dark all the while. I don’t really see what the point of getting there is if you’re going to suffer too much just to get to an indeterminable end.

I have met people whose lives have been projected way beyond our eyes can see. It’s amazing how they can poof up a dream out of thin air, but that’s as far as my awe goes. Generally, I find that people who project their lives too far forget to enjoy the present. They remember facts, but don’t remember people. And even worse, they are devoid of important emotions.

There’s a piece of yellowing article on my cork note board in my room. I can’t remember which year I tore it out of the newspapers, but I remember the gist of it clearly.

“… While you were busy running to the finish line, you saw people already tired from the run and giving up on the roadsides. Some people stopped to help but you kept on running because all you wanted was to reach the finish line first. And when you reached the finish line, you felt more than alone. In fact, you felt empty. Because the rest of the people in the race with you, either stopped to take a breather or just settled somewhere in between the start and the finish line because that was enough …”

I believe that we should only fight for whatever we have the might to fight for.
Whatever it is that is beyond our control should be left to those with the ultimate powers to decide. And of course, there is the One True one who will always guide you to what’s best.

We should never fight for what’s not meant to be ours. Sometimes, it’s not meant to be. Or sometimes, it’s meant not to be. It’s a variation of words and it’s not the same so think of it.

It’s harder to have then lose; than to never have at all.

Have a nice Monday, people.

April 25, 2009

already, yes.

Suddenly, the first quarter of the year is gone. That fact just dawned on me today, while we were having lunch. I still have a bunch of coupons waiting in my purse to be used and the due date is tomorrow. And I have like tonnes of them, mind you.

Funny how I thought 26th April was such a long time away when I first received them.

Surprise, surprise! It’s just tomorrow, hey.

Time really does not wait for anyone, does it? In a way, I think that time is the most punitive teacher. Like you could have done something yesterday, but decide to do it today and the next thing you know, it SHOULD have been done yesterday because yesterday should have been the day, not today.

I don’t make sense, but believe me, I do.

Theodore loves Aunties.

Today has been quite an eventful day. I was out with my colleagues for some work stuff actually and it was damn fun! We had lunch at Waroeng Penyet and ordered more food than we could stuff ourselves with. But it was quite an interesting lunch, I must say.

Call me a katak bawah tempurung, but I’ve never ever had ayam penyet there before. Yes, that is despite the fact that my house is just about 7 minutes away from The Curve. I timed myself today. Departed at 12:52 and reached at 12:59. Of course, this is not inclusive of parking time, but you get where I’m going, haha.

Anyways, we were talking over lunch about all kinds of things including you-know-who who must never be named. It’s awfully keji, but hey, that’s what happens.

We also went to Ikea to get pictures of some things we need to purchase for our conference. For the many times I’ve been there, I’ve never been told off before; about taking photos that is. It has always been a photo haven for my cousins and I and as far as I remember, cameras were always allowed. But today, they told me that I needed to get a pass before I was allowed to take photos.

I say? Damage is done, Mister, because by that time, I had already taken 102 photos or so. They should have told us earlier. But whatever it is, I don’t get the issue since it’s never been an issue before. Hmmm...

Well, anyways, of course we went around for some retail therapy after that. I got a pair of shades for myself and nothing else. I wouldn’t call that retail therapy, but that’s good for now, because I’m so happy with the tailor at Excella for the excellent job they did in altering my clothes! But I’ll save that story for later, ha.

I’m off for now. I’m just in a mood to type something out.

I suspect there will be 2 other posts tonight. Or am I too ambitious you think?

Oh, by the way, I thought that the food at Waroeng Penyet was nice, safe for the terrible chili which burnt my tongue. It was freaking hot! But hey, tehbotol Sosro is a must, okay! I had 2! hiiihiii..

April 24, 2009

i am marco polo.

Great kisser.
One of a kind.
Loves being in long-term relationships.
Extremely energetic.
Will exceed your expectations.
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.

yes, i know you know it's true.

and yes, i am Marco Polo. for reasons that only i know.

i'm trying to be inspired now... and i hope to take theodore out for an exercise today.
other than that... come tomorrow quick!

April 22, 2009


: in this post, it’s best you just listen to the advice without seeing the face of the adviser.

Semalam saya drive ke kerja bersama mama saya. Okay, sebenarnya setiap hari pon saya drive juga sama dia. Tapi semalam, masa balik dari kerja, saya nampak sesuatu yang agak menjengkelkan. Saya kurang pasti sama ada nak cerita atau tidak sebenarnya tetapi, saya rasa eloklah jika saya bangkitkan hal ni. Lagipun, bukan saya aibkan sesiapa secara spesifik.

Di dalam sebuah Myvi, saya nampak sepasang couple sedang berpeluk. Saya rasa mereka sudah berkahwin. Okay, wait. Mengikut instinct saya yang agak hebat ni, saya pasti mereka sudah berkahwin. Mungkin juga sangat, sangat, SANGAT baru berkahwin.

Si perempuan sedang bersandar di bahu lelaki. Okay, fair enough, tak ada apa yang nak sakit hati pon. Tapi, lama-lama, dia semakin menjadi-jadi. Dari rearview mirror saya, saya boleh nampak yang dia dah mula mendakap suami dia dengan sangat horror sampai saya tak sedar saya ternganga.

Okay… kepala si perempuan hilang sekali sekala. Saya dah umur 24 tahun; saya punya otak tak la sebersih mana. Saya pasti saya ternganga lagi masa ni. Pastu, dia terus bersandar lagi, sekali peluk lagi dengan kedua belah tangan macam anak beruk peluk mak punya leher.

Yang anehnya, si lelaki melayan pula. I mean, I know guys hardly resist these things. You give the fish worms, the fish will eat worms. Simple, kan?

Tapi, saya rasa jika lelaki tu sound isteri dia pon tak apa juga. Have some pride la brother. Orang tengok wife dia pon dah hilang respect sebab macam perempuan clingy yang tak ada batas. Memang bila dah sah dah boleh buat apa saja. Memang itu la tujuan nak kahwin pon. Untuk halalkan yang sebelumnya haram.

Tapi, saya rasa batas-batas dan norma-norma masyarakat perlu dihormati tak kisah apa pon status kita.

Kepada perempuan, sila la behave. Jangan la blowjob, handjob atau apa-apa job dalam kereta. Bincang la Berita Harian, NST atau Thestar. Kan ke lebih sopan dan berguna begitu. Walaupun kita dikurniakan nafsu sampai 9, diharap bersabar. Keep all the affections behind closed doors. Buat apa nak show semorang birdie suami?

Kepada si lelaki, saya pasti anda sangat sayang dengan bini itu. Itu la sebab kahwin bukan? Kalau tak cukup sayang, mungkin tak sampai ke jinjang pelamin. Tapi, kalau dah sampai ke tahap itu sayangnya, something is wrong. Very wrong. Awak pon ada nafsu 1 tak dapat dikawal, tapi saya pasti awak taknak orang tengok birdie awak. Saya juga pasti awak tak suka jika orang kata wife awak bukan-bukan.

Kepada yang belum kahwin tu, lagilah. Kalau dah tak tahan sangat, hold hands cukup, okay? Whatever happens behind closed doors pula adalah antara Allah dan kita.

Makanya, semua yang baik itu dari Allah dan yang tak elok itu dari saya sendiri.

Sila ambil perhatian. Sekian, terima kasih.

April 21, 2009


I’m not very well known for taking my grievances to shopping malls. Most of the time, in times of stress, I eat. Like a lot. Like 12 meatballs, a plate of fries and 2 glasses of gassy drink non-stop kind of a lot. Also Daim cake secalit pon dikira kerana saya dah penuh sebenarnya. Either that, or I don’t eat at all.

It’s okay, you can call me pathological, I know. But I do find comfort in food.

Comfort food, I’m sure you’ve heard of it before.

But today, just today, I feel like retail therapy might just be the thing I need. Yesterday, I tried, but since I had eaten before that, it didn’t really work.

Though I saw shoes and shades and pants and coats which really caught my eye, I just didn’t buy any. Didn’t, just didn’t.

I know today’s a weekday and tonight might be (I’m not so sure yet) the second day saya berjimba selepas kerja, I do believe I need this. More than anything, I sort of deserve it as well. I do work for my own money.

I need a pair of working shoes, mine are worn out. I need new pants, I haven’t grown any fatter. I need a pair of shades, I broke mine. I need to give Theodore a friend, he just needs a friend, I need to just revamp my entire wardrobe, I need a change.

More than anything, I need to go on some trip somewhere. Melaka pon jadi lah.

I hope that 2nd May comes quick. Then, we can go and jalan-jalan, okay Kesayangans? Let’s crash Jaja’s swimming pool, ngee.

focus points.

I cannot write anything right now. This is my third fourth(I lost count )draft. And when that happens; I know you know that I’m clouded. Yes, Cumulonimbus clouded again. It seems like I’ve been so under the weather of late, huh? I guess we all need that sometimes.

Its funny how we can focus only on the things we want, and not see the bigger picture, when we’ve set our mind to it. So, it bogs down to us really. We choose. But sometimes, we choose wrongly.

I get sick of myself just writing that because the (bad) things I’m focusing on are still lingering at the back of my mind.

I need to shift my focus points.

And until I do that, I think its best I keep quiet for a while for fear that I say something I’m not supposed to say.

Even if I have hideously bulging goldfishy eyes…

I’m okay, promise! *sing a happy happy happy happy happy happy song*

when will i see you again?… “soon, baby. soon”