December 15, 2007

not my fault

The weather of late has been pretty bleak. It’s been raining almost everyday of the week and when the sun peeks, we normally don’t get our hopes too high because we know for sure that it wouldn’t be long before the rain starts pouring again.

The holidays are coming to an end and honestly, I don’t really mind. Everyday has pretty much been the same; late nights and late mornings, running errands and cooking lunch. It’s been pretty much a routine, actually, every single day.

The thought of going back to Law School gives me butterflies; good and bad, simultaneously. I guess I’m quite excited with the fact that we’re going to get to learn new things, and new lecturers with whom we can forge bonds (or become enemies) with. And I’m also quite excited with the fact that I have cooked up some kind of strategy to make sure I do better this coming semester.

I didn’t exactly do excellently in the past exams, but I DIDN’T EXACTLY NOT SCORE. So, to me, that’s pretty good already, considering the fact that there were quite a number of adjustments that had to be done. To those who made it through to the Honours programme, good luck. Getting into the programme is in itself a challenge, and trust me, the hurdles won’t end. So, yeah, all I can say is good luck. You’re going to need it if you wanted to survive.

As excited as I am about the coming new semester, I’m pretty worried that I might miss 2 or possibly even 3 days of classes. I don’t miss classes, okay? That’s the only reason why I score. And senior partners don’t skip classes just because they go on holidays. I know I’ve been rambling about the fact that SPs are human too and that we need a break sometimes, but I don’t agree on people missing classes, not in the first week, no sirree.

The reason for me missing my classes? Well, tomorrow night, we’ll all be leaving the country for 2 weeks! Initially I wasn’t really excited but I guess it began to sink in this week, where I’ve been handling most of the packing and stuff. This is going to be the last trip for our family as my brother’s leaving for Australia next year, and I’d probably be working already by the end of next year. So, only my little sister’s going to be following my parents, if they were to go anywhere. So, this trip is very much anticipated. Thihih.

But still, missing class really is the biggest bummer! Argh. But can you blame me if they keep on changing the takwim? Last time, it said that school opens on the 7th. The next thing you know, they tell you it reopens on the 31st. Then, I asked my coordinator and she tells me that it opens on the 3rd (I was so relieved, I tell you!). And yesterday, I met the Timbalan Dekan, and she tells me that it reopens much, much earlier; like on the 27th or somewhere around that date.

Suka hati tak? Am I still the one to blame if this is how they operate? Am I the one to be blamed for missing classes if they seem so fickle as to when to reopen? Ingat rumah 3 minit dah sampai ke? Emo pulak. Haish.

December 14, 2007

look what i found!

Look what I found! Haha. I wrote this and forgot to post it. but I’m doing that now because I’m currently facing the problem of writing a good piece of crap. (as if I ever do anyways, haha)

That’s actually a nickname Abu gave to a “dear” friend of his, whom we have all gotten used to calling the same. Thing is, it’s becoming more evident now that the name suits me just as well.

What I’m going to write about is probably already written somewhere in this somewhere in this blog, or you’ve probably heard me whine about it. If you happened to be my classmate or housemate, you’ve probably already witnessed my demonstration involving the juggling, dancing love handles, which is kind of giving me the creeps.

Thing is, I know I’m not big. Get it? I know that I fit into the smaller sizes, which makes me un-big at all. Correct? The thing is, all this rest, lots of free food and also alot of love is making me a tad bit chubbier than I normally am. And normally, I just dismiss the thought because the more I think about it, the chubbier I become and the more stressed out I am. So, normally, I just let the paranoia pass because I know I look alright.

Okay, this past semester has really been a stressful one and I think that’s pretty apparent from the all the anger and whining and babbling I’ve managed to put into writing, which I have successfully posted here. Anger makes me hungry, making me eat more, but since anger is so energy consuming, it makes me slim without me having to work too hard on it. I don’t have to think about what I put in my mouth because it all burns out eventually and I’ve nothing to worry about, really.

But right now, I really am having the time of my life, even if everyday were full with nothingness. I am happy despite the fact that my hair keeps falling every time I sweep the floor, causing me to have to sweep it again. I am happy although Abdul is leaving for Penang. I am happy although I stay in all day and no one calls me to ask me out for a drink. All in all, I’m grateful and I’ve just been really happy. The thing about endorphins is that... well, it just shows. And for me, especially, it’s been showing on my cheeks, on my arms, on my hips.

And every freaking body is noticing it. Like for once, everyone is telling me that I’ve GAINED WEIGHT.! Yikes. My sister keeps on reiterating the fact that I’m chubbier since I got home. Jaja says the same. Abdul claims that I look just fine, but that’s only probably because I asked him the question all men dread: “am I fat?”. And he’s probably just being kind because he loves me too much to even notice. Even my mom says that I’m on my way to becoming her. I’m a size 36 and she’s a 42. I’m her size now? Yikes again. And my brother is also one of the kinder ones who said that I look cuter when I’m chubby. Like damn. Ugly but adorable? Yikes, yikes and yikes again.

Should I just remain a scarecrow then? Should I stop eating altogether then because all this response is upsetting me. They probably all mean well and they’re probably telling me that I’m piling on the kilos and that I should stop munching chocolates (which btw, has NEVER given me problems before where weight is concerned!). And I should probably stop eating rice? (Which is highly impossible because I truly am Malay, and we must have rice! If tak, lapar la saya ni... kan Nadira?)

Or probably I look better with these chubby cheeks.
Probably the name Chubster suits me well after all...

December 07, 2007

anti anti-virus!

I don’t even know how to start telling you about what I’ve done to keep this computer safe and sound and virus-free. I don’t know how many times I’ve reformatted my computer for fear of virus infections, I don’t know how many times I’ve been to the CC to have a new anti-virus installed, I don’t know how many CD-RW’s I’ve bought already to burn all the important data in my computer just in case it crashes. And I don’t know how much money I’ve invested in it already, just to ensure that when I sleep at night, I can be rest assured, that Insya Allah, I would not wake up in the morning only to find that I can no longer have access to all the data, photos, songs and games I’ve so carefully and diligently collected all these years.
Probably my computer isn’t one of those “canggih” ones where the monitor could be turned 360 degrees, or one which is super small it could be mistaken as a book, etc., etc. In fact, it has the most basic functions, which some of them I use only occasionally and still, I’m happy to have a computer on which I can get my work done.
But still, with all my TLC, this computer has failed to respond to me in a way which reflects all the care I have been giving. And I know it’s just plain silly to expect a gadget to reciprocate but really, trust me, if you were in my shoes, you’d be frustrated too.
And right now, a few months after I sent this computer to be reformatted and after months of hard work in making sure that all files were scanned before they were opened, it failed me AGAIN... and it’s not that I was watching some silly movie or some silly site. I was just looking at someone else’s fotopages to have a look at the photos he took for someone else’s wedding.
Argh. This is so irritating. Now, I have to fork out some money to get the CC to install a new anti-virus for me. I’m just really confused right now as to which I should use because I know that they were the ones who made the viruses anyways. So, there’s a high probability that they would release a new virus as and when they pleased just so they could sell their new products.
Am I rambling? Oh, yes, I am. I’m just so freaking frustrated, that’s all. And my computer is starting to switch itself off, and I would like to stop here before I get started on how annoyed I am of this gadget which helps me yet gives me a whole load of problem at the same time.
Salam. Good night.

December 04, 2007

chop the devil

Its 2 weeks into my holidays already. Truthfully, nothing productive or fruitful has been done to fill in the time. Just hours and hours of sleep, binge and more sleep. I’ve also made several attempts of writing a good blog entry or 2 but to no avail, although there are just about thousands of issues on which I have my 2 cents to contribute.
Ah, never mind that. I’m currently very proud of the fact that I have finally managed to clean my room, which was in total disarray when I arrived home and even more so after a week of my being home. But the sweeping-the-floor-which-will-never-be-clean part was really testy. I don’t normally sulk about housework because it’s something I don’t mind doing (besides the fact that I cannot stand dust, etc.). But I have no other option other than to complain about sweeping. Ah. The only housework I seem to have growing despise over as days go by.
I don’t understand why my room is dusty because our house isn’t on one of the busy or big roads and furthermore, my room is the top most floor, where dust particles are supposed to reach last!; this in itself is pretty hard to fathom, unless of course my knowledge of science is failing me terribly. Having to sweep the floors which refuse to become clean is another kind of agitation in itself. Imagine having swept the entire floor from one end to another, only to find out at the end of it that at the very spot you started, more dusts have accumulated. Or did I not see that dust in the beginning??
And it doesn’t help when you have hair like mine. By the end of the sweeping session, there would be strands of hair trailing after me, at every place I stepped. Argh. Annoying AND irritating! But I’m just glad that my room is organised now, though there really isn’t anything that can be done about the hair.
Speaking of the devil, I feel like having it chopped. Any suggestions, anyone? I thought of trying something new, but then again, I can’t think of a hairstyle which I have not yet tried. Hmm... look at what it was then, way, way before, what it was before it became this long, and what it looks like when it’s this long. Then, probably, you can help me decide?