March 31, 2009

boleh jika mau.

intriguing, isn't it?

Usually, on days like this… I would be the first to sort of “boast” that I’m not hungry. And those days are days when I don’t take my breakfast in the morning because I’m fasting, so I can’t. But today, despite waking up for sahur and eating my normal high fibre biscuits, I’m famished. Like really. I’ve got so many more days to go (6, insyaAllah, if I make it through today). I’m doing it really slowly now, like once a week but its okay. I don’t want to push myself too much.

It’s my second day of some sort of depression. And this time round, it seems a little bit harder to get over. It’s not the dangerous “Iwantakillmyself” type, but just that type where I need some solace, space, and I hate it when people try too hard to decipher what’s going on in my head.

I’m okay, but I just need to resolve issues in my head, okay. And also, I probably need to binge.

Other than that, I just realised that I’m officially emancipated from any form of debt involving Theodore, which means… I’m going to get a tripod soon! Yes, I like new toys. It’s a pity I didn’t get it last weekend at the camera fair in Midvalley. It would have been a better bargain, I am sure.

But now that I know where YL Camera Service at Pudu Plaza is, it’s okay. I’m sure the guy there has loads of goodies to offer me if I go.

Anyways, while we were watching E! Channel last weekend, they featured Heath Ledger and his last portrait.

Check it out. I think it’s intriguing because most of us are like him. Our consciences are constantly nagging in our heads. Sometimes we do good, sometimes we do bad. And most of the time, we try not to regret whatever the choice we make.


Well, toodles then! There’ll be more from me, I’m sure :)(but hopefully not so soon!)

March 30, 2009


It’s Monday. I’m sure you wouldn’t have expected less from me. I’m sure you know that I have the inevitable Monday blues.

Well, you’re right.

I am here in the office, thinking I should be sleeping (or probably doing something way better than coming to work) and I feel like today, I just want more. Just something more than more. I want more. Get it? More.

Last weekend was exhilarating. I was in and out of the house for most of the weekend. It was great. Just great. While my parents jeered at my idea of driving all the way from Putrajaya to Pavilion after work on Friday, I still made it earlier than any of the girls, anyway. Ahah. I guess those weekends with Mamita, cruising through silly little (unfamiliar) streets finally paid off!

And my Saturday was really fulfilling. Although I’d have to say that ED was a real bummer. I didn’t even have any mood to take pictures because… well, because everything was just so lousy. Really, Syaheedah really did set a standard (and a really high one at that) which I think NO ONE can ever precede.

Their props were lousy, their backdrop was too simplistic, with absolutely no very, very little coherence with the scenes or surroundings, and well, the acting? The acting was actually more of screaming scenes. They are so dark and morbid and everything about the whole thing smelled of blood and depression and dark and twisty.

I guess we can’t blame them entirely, because after all, they only had 2 weeks to prepare. But still. The standard has gone down so low, I feel like ED is no longer ED.

What happened to singing little fan girls? What’s up with hooded setans looming all over the stage? Gah. I can go all out commenting about it, but I won’t. Maybe what they need is help.

And today is Monday.

That was abrupt, but so what?

March 27, 2009

I am your cranky woman.

It’s obvious that I’m frustrated with something. Or is it not? I don’t know. I think I’m pretty transparent. Especially now that I’ve decided to… well, sort of lay myself wide open in the world wide web like this. So, yes, whether you noticed or not. I am pretty pissed. In fact, nowadays, it’s like I’m always pretty pissed.

I wish I can just be pretty, please.

Not pissed.

(No, really, it’s silly, Abdul tido awal semalam pon saya nanges? What the hell happened to me?)

Isn’t it obvious that I can’t write a short post too?

Okay, I’m going now. Bye.

(Before that, baked rice at Pastamania is the bomb. I can’t stop thinking of the gooey mozzarella cheese topping, yum)

Okay, I’m really going. Bye.

I want to be pretty, please. Not pissed.

March 26, 2009

cantik tak?

i know my photography skills don't do justice to them.
but this was yesterday evening after work.
i think it's gorgeous.
would you look at those silver linings?
makes you go all dreamy, right?

pictures are unedited.

oh, when will i get correct shot of my sunrise.
wait til you see that one.

the common dilemma.

After a (late, late) night out with my colleagues last night, I realised that the problems we are facing are not much different from each other. While in the office we kept our dissatisfactions to ourselves, yesterday, it became apparent that all we wanted was something more of more.

I think there are characters which fit the profile of particular divisions. It’s not always true, but most of the time, it is. It’s like, somehow or rather, when you think of it real hard, you’d come to realise that… well, you just felt like you belonged somewhere, right from the start.

A lot of people were shocked during the interview when I said “Advisory” instead of “Prosecution”. To be very honest, it doesn’t make sense to me either because my love for Criminal Law and Facts of Cases is (or was it?) quite apparent.

But I’m here where I am and I can’t really say that I’m not happy. It’s just that sometimes, I think I could be happier (for reasons I shall keep to myself for now).

I know that my brains could be put to better use. I know that my intelligence should be the thing people take into account when they look at me. But here, I’ve been told that how you make people feel is the thing that would leave the lasting impression.

It’s ridiculous, I know. But things could be worse or would it really be better elsewhere?

I have to admit that I’m entering my comfort zone. It’s dangerous because once I’m in and in for real, there would be no turning back, especially for me. A lot of people tell us that we should take any opportunity to leave before we become too attached to a particular organisation and the people in it.

But despite all that dilemma, we all come to work the next morning, greet each other and carry on with our lives like last night never happened. A dilemma remains a dilemma but doing something we said we’d do isn’t as easy as it sounds.

We say we’d do it. We say we’ve had enough. But is it really easy to leave it all behind?

March 25, 2009

dah boring ah.

hello, i am bored.
i have been doing the same thing i have been working on since 16th February 2009.
it's very likely that i will puke soon, due to boredom of dealing with the same subject matter.

but it's kind of ironic. i want it to end, but i'm not ending it. at least not yet.
i've been working on it since 16th February and since 7.30 a.m. tadi la dey.
gimme a chance

okay, back to work. i really want this to end. please give me a new assignment. i don't want to do this anymore.

to be contd. when all this is over.

March 24, 2009

i want that sunrise.

-->As far as being a (amateur) photographer goes, I still am very much a noob. Not only am I a beginner, but I am also a noob beginner. I try to carry Theodore to most places I go, but sometimes, I just don’t, and so… I end up not capturing what I should.
I like to visit online forums on photography skills and whatnot. I get a little (???!!) (Okay, A LOT actually) intimidated by their skills and portfolio and their own versions of “Theodore”. I don’t think I’m done exploring Theodore as it is, and now, I’m thinking of upgrading him. Haish.

There is actually very much to be desired in this world of photography. There was a point in time when I didn’t get the point why people changed settings when things looked good in Auto mode. And then, I read somewhere that Auto mode captures snapshots and as photographers, you’d want to capture expressive photographs. Kind of true, but I still think that some pictures look good in Auto mode so long as you’ve captured the subject you want in the proper mood and at the proper time. (Refer to Hood’s wedding photographs, which I think captured, the important things)

I’ve gone as far as arguing with my brother because he likes to use Manual mode. I think pictures captured in Manual mode have too much noise. But then again, that’s maybe because I haven’t fully explored the other features in Theodore which can actually reduce noise.

But anyways, talking about not bringing Theodore around enough, there’s this thing I’ve wanted to capture since last year, but haven’t had the opportunity to. It’s kind of ironic because I see it almost 5 days a week. But I’m neither ready with Theodore nor in the right position to do it all the time. But I’d really like to do it when I get the chance to.

Have you seen the morning skies in Serdang/ Putrajaya? It’s got splendid, generous splashes of orange and blue and sometimes, gold too. While orange and blue and gold don’t normally go together very well, the fusion I’m talking about is way too breathtaking! I’m not joking. I’ve tried staying up on Saturdays after Subuh in TTDI, but it just ain’t the same.

One of these days, I’m going to brave myself to Putrajaya to make sure I get an expressive photograph of that sunrise. That splendid, splendid sunrise.

it was fun!

Oh, did you know that I went to Sunburst KL ’09 last weekend. To be very honest, I’ve never been to a concert before, apart from Rentak, which I don’t think you would call a concert at all, really, because it was more of a charity thing. So, I can’t compare Sunburst to anything. All in all, I think it was okay. The line up was a bit disappointing to me, because I’m not really a big fan of KORN or N.E.R.D. But I thought the local line-up did a good job.

I’m a big fan of Hujan, and I’m glad that they were there. Their songs are way more meaningful and artistic that Bunkface’s but Bunkface is new and they are better crowd pullers. I thought Nidji was splendid too! I really enjoyed the songs they played. I mean, my brother has been harping on how good their songs are and everything, but I didn’t know that they were THAT good, so, yeah, I’m really happy with their performance.

I guess the most disappointing band was Butterfingers. Believe me when I say that I jumped like an excited chimpanzee when they played Viopipe! It gave me chills just hearing the sound of it! But the excitement stopped there because they kept on playing new songs from their latest album, which not all of them are good, to begin with. I was really disappointed when the more famous numbers like Chemistry, Girl Friday, Kabus Ribut and Wet Blanket were not played. They even said they didn’t want to play Chemistry because they played it at Istana Budaya(???!!!) I was like? What does Istana Budaya have to do with Sunburst? We paid so that they play the songs WE want, not the songs THEY want.

Man that was a real bummer.

Apart from that, I think my cousins and sister and I had a really good time. Though they were literally sleeping while KORN was playing. They must have been really tired because KORN songs are a far cry from being soothing lullabies.

Thanks to Anep who got me cheap tickets.

Thanks to Abduls for his neverending “bodyguarding”, which he did out of principle, really. Takde orang suruh pon.

I had fun! Let’s do this again!

(hopefully line-up pada masa hadapan adalah lebih baik. mungkin 2008 line-up again? satisfaction guaranteed!)