August 25, 2011


The only place in this whole office which is not cold is the toilet. And the only place in this office with reliable-enough tissue papers is the toilet. So, I’ve been in the toilet most of the time. Kalau bukan bulan puasa, mungkin terpaksa rapat-rapat dengan syaitan. Orang kata toilet tu lubuk syaitan, kan?

Berapa minggu tak update, bila update terus merungut, ye? Tak senonoh betul.

Hello dan assalamualaikum semua. I have been away for a long, long time (by my standards) and there is nothing that warrants my absence. And I have no intention to make up any reasons just because.

I have been so under the weather lately. The photo you see above is a only a fraction of my limited “collection” of tissue papers I have been using up like nobody’s business. Sneezing non-stop. Coughing also. It’s no way to end Ramadan and begin Raya, but that’s the way life goes I guess.

These past few weeks have been pretty eventful, actually. We went back to my husband’s hometown and went back to his kampung, where I had the bestest kampung food in a long, long time. His nenek is such a great cook, even her simple dishes like sup sayur is the bomb!

Though Raya is approaching, we still don’t have any kuih raya and we plan to make them this weekend. Harap-harap sempatlah. Kalau dapat 3 jenis pun dah cukup gembira hati ini. Yes, when you’re so used to baking your own cookies, you no longer know which ones are good to buy, membuatkan you have to “terpaksa” buat juga every year. Sebenarnya best gila, but if only without this flu. I may have to wear my mask nanti and jadi mandur saja kepada Mama and Adik. Jadi mandur Mama tu. Keji punya anak. Hehe.

Actually, no one is in the mood for work, tapi work keeps piling. The other day, we were asked to list the works under our purview and wow, I didn’t know I had THAT much until I listed them all. I have a few discussions lining up, but for fear that I infect everyone with my very not-Raya-friendly disease, I only communicate via emails. And then, because I am so tired from my non-stop snot snotting, I sleep on their emails. Habislah, I’ll have a “ball” catching up on my work after Raya.


Sebenarnya, I have nothing much to update on. Ada sebenarnya, tapi tak pasti cerita basi ada orang nak dengar ke lagi.

When I start writing like this (like I am berborak with you), you know that I can’t put even 5 minutes into drafting a good post kan? So, I’ll leave this blog for now and look forward for tomorrow to end. Lepas tu boleh buka puasa dan balik rumah Mama yes!

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 16, 2011

when you have to beat brownies

Say what?

Yeap, you heard me right, alright. What do you have to do when you have to beat brownies?

Thanks to a certain someone (read: Mama yang baik hati), all our recipes have been revealed to anyone who asks her. Be it her cookies, cakes or other dishes, her cookbook is always open for everyone to copy.

Which, is all well and dandy if everyone isn’t family. But all those who have copied are family. And now, we have the same cookies and cakes. And brownies not excluded.


In fact, Na has gotten so good at baking brownies, she even makes money out of it! That’s not even my point, actually. My point is that since we have the same recipes, it becomes increasingly difficult to bring anything to potlucks these days, without the risk of having dishes/desserts that are the same.

So, last weekend, when my mom said I should bring some fruits, I came bearing “fruits”.

I searched high and low on the internet for a good recipe and found one, which I thought was worth trying. Plus of course, it had to be one which uses ingredients I already have.

In all my attempts to beat brownies, I made this –

peach custard

And went to the potluck, only to find that no one had bothered to bake brownies to begin with "=.="

Since I’m not a fan of fruits out of a can (apart from lychee), I didn’t taste even a bit of it. Don’t know if it was too sweet or too bland but I know that by the time the night was over, only ¼ of the casserole was left.

Sure sign that it was really good, perhaps?

But what confirms that it was really good is that my little cousin Hannah, the most honest of them all, had subsequent helpings at home because she loved it!

So, at least I know that in someone’s eyes, brownies have been beaten, if only for one night.

I've got to say, that for my first attempt in making anything "custardy" this wasn't so bad. But after this, I’ll stick to making everything chocolate. Unless of course, there’s some special request ;)

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

while i was away.

For some inexplicable reason, the way I am handling this year’s Ramadan is as if I have never fasted my whole life. Constantly, I find myself tired, sleepy and most alarmingly, hungry. And no, it’s no longer the “my-tummy-grumbles-so-loud-I-am-embarrassed” kind of hungry, it’s actually excruciatingly painful, I’m now forced to review my diet.

I always thought I knew my body well enough. But apparently not.

As I’ve established the fact that I cannot consume rice during sahur, I resigned to having bread as my staple. For sahur at least.

And for some reason, these past few days, even bread has failed me. But I know I’ve got to eat something if I don’t plan to lose so much weight until my clothes hang loosely all over. So, today, I resorted to nestum. I feel relatively better than yesterday, but those gastric juices are so threatening, they’re pretty hard to ignore.

In all honesty, this eating “disorder” is bugging the living daylights out of me. Not just because I am not able to properly eat my sahur, but also because it does, to a certain extent, affect my ability to consume everything else after breaking of fast.

And though I don’t normally eat that much, even the normal amount I consume can make me barf.

Alarming, isn’t it?

It’s not my first time fasting and it’s not even the first few days. We’re half way through and I feel like this, whereas I’ve never had it THIS bad. Yes, I’ve had it before, but this time round is really quite terrible.

I’m just hoping that this phase passes by quickly so that I can properly enjoy my Ramadan. Wind is no fun. Gastric juices are no fun. Upset tummies, much less. And all I want to be is strong.

Like I’ve always been before.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 11, 2011

Cek Mek Kelate.

My mom’s been bugging me the past week. She tells me that the Pasar Ramadan in TTDI is no fun and that the choices are so limited and all the favourite stalls are no more. I wouldn’t know because I haven’t been back to TTDI for their Pasar Ramadan. And believe it or not, we’ve only been to the Pasar Ramadan in Putrajaya once.

I take that as proof that my cooking’s improving. Someone seems to love home cooked meals a tad too much these days! Haha.

Well, anyways, it’s not really a secret that my parents own a house in Seri Putra. After all, we did have our engagement ceremony there and I think we all reached a consensus that that place, to a certain extent, is magical.

And since my parents went back there last weekend, we decided to follow suit.

You should have seen my mom’s face! OHMYGOD, so gleeful, I swear she looked like a little kid. Of course, it “helped” A LOT that we were around. That meant she had an excuse to buy more food, though I’ve got to say that “more” seemed like... way too much. Those who know my mom would attest to this fact. She’ll cook for 30 people if I told her that we’ll be having a party of 10.

But I let her be. After all, she doesn’t get to do that in TTDI anymore.

Well, I’ve got to admit that I was in awe at the variety the Pasar Malam at Seri Putra offered too. I mean, it was really, really, REALLY meriah, okay? It always looks like a party and it’s interesting to see so many kinds of people there. I bet the one in TTDI only has pensioners these days, seeing that so many elder people live there. Ehehehe, peace!

Eh, where was I? Anyways, I recently developed an obsession for nasi kerabu. Surprise, surprise. I’m becoming a Cek Mek Kelate? Owh, wow! I do not know what sparked this obsession, but I do know when it began. It began at the Pasar Tani on Tuesdays and Fridays in Putrajaya, where I bought my first packet of nasi kerabu (in a long time) at Nasi Kerabu Miela (if I am not mistaken).

Generally, I am not that fussy about food. But not where nasi kerabu is concerned. To me, for a nasi kerabu to be a good nasi kerabu, all the elements must align. Yes. The amount of tartness, spiciness, saltiness and all the –ness you can think of must be well-balanced. And of course, the solok lada, the star of the show, must, must, MUST be delicious and perfect. No compromise. And I found that in Nasi Kerabu Miela.

So, naturally, since this obsession is pretty new, I scouted for the best looking nasi kerabu I could find at Seri Putra.

I got lucky!

Where better to buy nasi kerabu than to buy it at “Ori Kelate” where the vendors’ speech was thickly “Kelantan-accented” and the nasi didn’t look like it’s been soaking in colouring and chicken looked like it was made with love and the solok lada! Ahhh, the solok lada looked like the kind I could munch on without getting bored, ever!

I had nasi kerabu ayam percik from Ori Kelate 2 days in a row and I promise you that you will drive all the way there just to taste it again.

Ori Kelate vs. Nasi Kerabu Miela = 1 – 0

Sigh. So sedap, you have no idea.

This, you can only get in Seri Putra (apart from Kelantan, of course). It surely has just proved itself to be especially magical during Ramadan. *usap perut kegirangan*

And that just makes me feel so annoyingly GEE DOUBLE OW DEE GOOD.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 10, 2011

works best when opened.

New Zealand, 2006
“The mind is like a parachute, it works best when opened” Robert Dewar

I’m thankful for all the travels I have been blessed with. I appreciate the fact that I’ve had the opportunity to explore this world and its many wonders. Because it is true when people say that travelling opens our minds. It opens our minds to a myriad of wonderful things.

Like great weather and great sceneries. Like well-established systems and efficient public transportation. Like friendly smiles from strangers and well-mannered and well-cultured societies. Like wonderful shops that sell wonderful things and excellent customer service. And of course, great food, what else.

I hate to admit this, but I will. Every time I come back from my travels, I am more often than not... disappointed with my own country. I am disappointed with the public transportation, or shall I say... the lack of good buses, in particular. I am disappointed at how our officials don’t take their jobs seriously at our borders. I am disappointed at how lackadaisical we are about providing good infrastructure to the people. Like how we lack in proper walkways by the roadside or how we fail to provide proper public toilets and how we don’t have enough seats at waiting areas.

And mostly (believe it or not), I am disappointed at the Malay culture on so many different levels, I don’t think you even want to know. Because believe you me, even in countries where the main religion is Christianity, you’d be surprised to see how “Islamic” their culture is.

Yes, when you travel, you learn to demarcate between what is religion and what is culture. And you learn that most of the time, you could be the most pious person but be a disgrace to your religion because of your unsavoury culture.

But of course, there are times when I come back from my travels feeling absolutely lucky to be part of Malaysia. To have such a peaceful country where people can co-exist peacefully. Where people of different cultures and religions can blend and be friends. Where food is abundant and relatively cheaper than anywhere else in the world. And of course, for having one of the most envied climates as it is a mild summer all year long.

It’s just that sometimes, I just wished we could assimilate others’ good culture. Like saying hello to strangers without being looked at as strange and queer. Like not being too “curious” (or in a more familiar term “busy body”) when something is happening in your vicinity. Like not minding when a stranger shares your bench in the mall. Like not being so ignorant about our own country, say for example, when being asked about directions to a particular landmark or being asked about facts like who is the Football Team Captain or where you could get souvenirs at a cheaper price.

These are things/knowledge that we should all be equipped with as Malaysians. Because, most of the people I’ve met during my travels, even if they wear a Mohawk or pink or green hair or super short, short skirts, know these things. They are so acutely aware of their country and their jobs, that I sometimes cringe thinking about the girl at Customer Service/Information Counters I’ve encountered in Malaysia who don’t even know the mall or shop she’s in charge of at the back of her hand.

So you see. There is a lot to improve on. Each time people say budaya Barat adalah budaya “kuning”, I just smirk. Because all they have seen are the things shown on TV. Though to a certain extent I admit that there are cultures which leaves little to be desired, there are very good cultures which are commendable and deserve the right to be considered.

We should compare our country to those countries, which are less fortunate, yes. But only so that we don’t become ungrateful. But to me, the only way forward is to compare ourselves with those developed nations and think about how we could be like them.

If they have succeeded in becoming what they are, I don’t see why we can’t be better.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 09, 2011

Macarooni Bandwagon.

image googled.

Pray, tell me...

Apart from the fact that macaroons are vividly-coloured and extremely “photogenic”, what is it about them that’s making everyone go so crazy?

Please, tell me.

I’ll come clean before I go on with this entry – I’ve only tasted it twice, in 3 different flavours and none of them came from the shop named Whisk or the likes. So, I may change my mind on this subject matter. Just maybe.

Thing is this. My experience with macaroons hasn’t really been bad. But I didn’t think they’re that great either to deserve all the rage that they’re receiving. So, seriously, what’s so good about it, really?

Apart from being the “highly sugar and colouring-laden confectionaries” that they are?

Is there any particular reason why people love macaroons so much?

Or this is just another case of “lets-jump-on-the-macaroon-bandwagon-already” since everyone is so fond of doing the whole bandwagon exercise these days?

Because I’m starting to think that only a really, really, really sweet tooth can stomach them macaroons without giving them a toothache.


You sure won’t see me on the Macarooni Bandwagon anytime soon. Unless of course, some macaroon can change my mind. We'll see. 

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 08, 2011

that super cold state.

On the grand scale of things, I’ve got to say that one of my most favourite things is travelling. On a grander scale of things, I’ve got to admit that one of my most favourite places is London.

I recently browsed through my old photo albums and came across my LondonUK2007 album and I am ITCHING to purchase tickets. In winter, no less. Much as people warn me how crazily cold it has gotten these days. Or spring would be nice too because it is so pretty!

If I could go back to London, I would (in random order) –

1. Walk all the way from Bayswater to Marble Arch and beyond.
2. Eat those yummy £2 kebabs they sell at Edgware Road.

3. Bring no clothes of my own and go bananas at Dorothy Perkins on Boxing Day (I missed it the last time because we were at Stratford upon Avon, BOO!).

4. Ride the Hop On Hop Off Tour Bus until I remember every single thing the commentator said.
5. Buy a year’s supply of sesame bagels at Marks and Spencer.
6. Eat enough bananas to sustain me for a lifetime because the bananas there are so GOOD!

7. Take proper photos at Abbey Rd.

8. Go for a football game.
9. Buy all the books, which are too expensive to own here (the books there are DIRT CHEAP!)
10. Bring Theodore this time and go crazy taking photos of everything and everyone.
11. Actually document everything I do and everywhere I go.

And these are only a fraction of the things I want to do.

But they top the list.

I so want to go to London. Though I don’t really know how safe it is these days, what with the shootings and all.

But it still tops my list as one of my most favourite places in the world. Uhuh.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 06, 2011

Ms. Swot

A swot is

“...A person who studies hard, esp. one regarded as spending too much time studying...”

Or in more familiar terms... skema. And constantly "by-the-book". Or at least that’s what I think it is.

It’s rare for anyone to have any bad dreams during Ramadan as the Devils and Demons have been chained. Most people sleep very soundly. Or at least, I do.

Only last night... I dreamt. And it wasn’t a very pretty dream.

It was a ball of chaos. I think I was at home. In the dream, I felt panicky – as if I were rushing for something, somewhere. But I don’t know what it was. Only, at some point, I remember that I was rushing to eat because it was almost Subuh. And I don’t normally eat during Sahur. To me, what’s most important are my drink(s). One very, very, very sweet drink and loads of plain water to wash it off. But in the dream, I ate. And I ate alot. And then, it was already Subuh and I was trying to down my normal dose of plain water but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get any water down my throat. I couldn’t gulp. I couldn’t swallow. But I kept trying. And I couldn’t. What’s worse, there were people at my window watching this spectacle. Prying, staring, gaping, pointing. Obviously judging.

And then, I woke up at the sound of the Azan. And obviously panicked. But it felt too early. Somehow, I just knew that it wasn’t “time” yet. So, I ran out of the room to look at the wall clock. Sure enough, it was only 3.45 a.m. I have to admit that I was pissed. So, I went back to my bed and lay still under the duvet. It was only 3.45 a.m. and I could no longer sleep.

Then, I remembered.

I slept the night before without perfoming my Isya’ prayers. So, I guess you can already guess that I didn’t perform my tarawikh either? Like I said before... this year, I feel tired. So tired. But is that enough of an excuse?

I went to the prayer mat and performed my Isya’. It was only 4 rakaat, and it is actually really easy. So, why did I act like it’s so hard?

I never get through a year without getting caught doing a bad thing. Even minor ones, mind you. Never have. Don’t think I ever will.

Which is why I remain the “swot” that I am because I am constantly blessed with revelations and enlightenments by “someone” out there that S/He is watching. And constantly keeping me on my toes. Even when I am flying high.

So, even though a “Ms. Swot” is the girl who is no fun, won’t try something that is too much out of the ordinary, scared to do something wrong, the fact is... that’s just who I am.

Even if I attempt to do something out of the ordinary, which is clearly and obviously wrong, I never get away with it anyways. So, I guess, I’m thinking, “Why bother?”

Although I’ve been up since 3.45 a.m., couldn’t get back to sleep even if I tried to, and was startled with what seemed the early “Azan”, I’m okay. I’m actually happy that I made it to today, knowing that “someone” out there really, really loves me.


Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 05, 2011

where did it go to?

As unmaterialistic as I claim to be, I have to admit that it am still... realistic.

As much as I know that money isn’t everything, it still is something. And it is something big enough to affect even the strongest of bonds.

After all, didn’t they say that “money is the root of all evil?”

I was reading Shuey’s blog and I came to realise that her parents are EXACTLY like mine. And ‘til this day, I still wonder how they did it, with such little pay. How? Really, how?

So, I sat down and rationalized my spending. And I came to the realisation that I am not lavish. Really, I am not. Not in the sense where I buy clothes every month or buy furniture or trinkets for my home and myself.

My pay, is mostly spent on necessities, like car, fuel, toiletries and FOOD.

So, where did all my money go?

Now, let’s talk about food.

I don’t know about you, but I’m the type who doesn’t like to “berkira” when it comes to food. Much as we eat in most of the time, when we do eat out, we go ALL OUT. I love to “let loose”. Just a little.

But a little goes a long way, no?

If I multiply the “littles” I have been spending for the last 7 months, I would have probably saved A LOT.

So, much as it is “uncool” (for lack of better word) to cut down our spending on food, it is a necessary evil all the same. Because believe it or not, food makes up a huge portion of our spending and that’s where our household income has been directed towards all this while.

I’ve been thinking of how difficult it is to save, especially so when you’ve had such a rough working month and you feel like you deserve every right to pamper yourself silly. And especially so when you’ve deducted everything that needs to be paid and there’s still some balance in your bank account, which have NO SIGNS of improving. Sometimes, you get tempted to just spend it all away.

I hope we all find the courage and strength to start saving. SOON. It’s never too late, isn’t it? And I hope we find the wisdom in knowing that we do not have to have what others’ have (at this point) and that it doesn’t make us any less of a person.

I guess our best bet is to hide the “extras” (if any) and stash it somewhere it can grow.

And I know that most of us know that that’s the way to go. It’s just the “getting started” part that’s so slow.

But know that Allah will help those who help themselves. So, we better help ourselves already.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)


It’s been a while since I last picked up a book which was so difficult to put down. So far, my picks have been rather... draggy or heavy.

Like this one –

I bought this book for the simple reason that it was written by Elizabeth Gilbert. And that it is the sequel to ‘Eat, Pray, Love’. Just couldn’t wait to see what would happen next.

I wouldn't condemn the book entirely, no. For what it’s worth, I think that it was very well-researched. And that each point is substantiated with a source whether interviews, books or historical facts. There are many useful quotes in it too. Plus, the way it was written was in such a way as if the author was speaking to you rather than writing.

But the downside?

Is that the sentences, pages, chapters and some points seem redundant. I get it that the author was trying to put a point across especially ones which she was really passionate about. But being repetitious? Now, that’s something I cannot stand. If I were the type who goes straight to the ending when I got bored, I would have. Thing is I am not. And that’s why it took me from April – July to finish it.

Having said that though, I think the movie (if any) would turn out quite interesting.

The heavy one that I mentioned (literally), is this one –

credits to Google

I really am taking my own sweet time reading this and alternating with my other reads.

What’s unputdowntable is this
credits to Google

Dorothy Koomson delivers again! And this one (so far) has been the most exciting, page-turning and unpredictable yet.

From the title “The Ice Cream Girls”, the story line is something I never expected. AT ALL! I slept late nights just reading and reading and reading some more. Who would have thought that Serena and Poppy had to go through all that torture and pain? If I were them, I would have probably committed the crime they were alleged to have committed. Probably much sooner than they did.

But I must tell you that the ending is mind-blowing! You would have probably guessed at some point, but you couldn’t confirm because the author succeeded in casting doubts on just about everything.

It was mind-blowing, I tell you!

And in every sense of the word, unputdowntable, personified.

This one, is most definitely worth the read. Without a doubt.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 04, 2011

you linger on my lips.

Oh, dear. It’s only 11.11 a.m. And my tummy is grumbling. Non-stop. And so loud I think my next door neighbour might think it’s a dinosaur. Or something. Anything that grumbles. Oh, yes. It is THAT bad.

I don’t normally do this because I know how much torture it is to look at pictures of food on a fasting day. But please be reminded that every word you are reading from here onwards is typed by my mean streak. Mean STREAK okay, not STEAK. I know you’re hungry too.

Yesterday’s iftaar was a beef spread. If I had more time, I would’ve made vege tomyum, but I didn’t. So, that beef was what we had, Alhamdulillah for the rezeki.

This morning, we woke up with a jump for sahur because we were a tad (???) late. No, we weren’t a tad late, we were LATE.

If it were not for my husband’s old handphone cokia, we wouldn’t have been able to get even one sip of water. But we managed, Alhamdulillah for that.

But... I have to admit that I’m hungry. I really, really am. It’s so bad, that I can’t stop looking at photos of last night’s iftaar. And thinking of how lovely it would be if I could just sink my teeth into that yummy, juicy black pepper beef. Or how lovely it would be if I could just finish that fluffy leftover omelette because it is just so gee double o dee GOOD. OHMYGOD.

beef spread.

Yes, I cooked them both, thank you very much. *smug face ;p*

Though I don’t know yet what we’re going to have for iftaar today, the one thing I know is that I am so going to munch those two before I start on everything else. No sharing allowed. Husband, please take note.

Oh, dear. I really need to control myself. *salivating like crazy right now please*

I’m going to have to chain my mean STREAK somewhere. AND FAST.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 03, 2011

even in Ramadan.

I always try to improve come each Ramadan.

And this year, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t use Ramadan as an excuse not to do my work properly. Just because I am fasting, does not mean I am disabled. So, I brave through every sleepy moment, motivating myself with notions that my work is ibadah too. This is as a result of seeing even the best of workers being totally “disabled” last year during Ramadan. I vowed I would never be like that.

But, you would be surprised to know how selfish some people can get. Even in Ramadan, no less.

There are times when I feel like crying when I get a piece of work because I can already foresee how late I will be going home because of it.

So, as much as I don’t want to use Ramadan as an excuse for not concentrating on my job, I do think that Ramadan alone is enough of a reason to just let people "go" at an "appropriate" time.

And appropriate time being a time which will give the person enough time to go home, prepare for iftaar, get all fresh and cleaned up, maybe some time for spiritual enlightenment, and have a decent, comfortable iftaar with family and loved ones.

Appropriate time most definitely does not mean letting the person break fast for a while and continue working again. Thankfully this hasn’t happened (yet).

Sometimes, it really is difficult to understand, isn’t it? This month comes only once in a year. Just once. And yet...

I hate it when I miss my tarawikh. But I get so beat each time I get home from work. It’s not enough of an excuse to warrant my missing it, I know. But yes, that’s the truth. The moment I lounge on the bed, the next thing I know, it’s already tomorrow morning.

The harder truth to swallow is the fact that our moral grounds have shifted, so much so that such a special month is no longer treated like it is special. Work is work. And whatever or however you want to celebrate victory for being able to fast until the end of the day (if you even have the time to) is none of anyone’s business. Work is work.

Granted, this comes with growing up, with working. But we might not make it for next year so we might as well make the best out of what we have now, right?

Just some food for thought.

Happy 3rd day of Ramadan. May we all get home at “appropriate times”, at least this time of the year.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

August 01, 2011

all grown up

Unlike most of you, this year, I didn’t feel theRamadan kick”. At first I thought it strange. In fact, I thought it was so strange, I began analyzing what I have been doing all year long leading to Ramadan. Thought that maybe I could find out why I felt so... removed.

Then, last night, it hit me.

I had just... grown up. It was actually that simple.

I don’t have any food cravings (at least not yet). Didn’t feel like eating anything in particular, like when I was little and was allowed to choose anything I wanted to reward myself for fasting a full day. I always chose M&M’s, by the way. Generally, the excitement (about food, particularly) seemed to have dissipated with time.

And I love Ramadan (and food that comes with the month), so you can imagine my worry.

But as much as I attribute my enthusiasm (or my lack of it) to my growing up, I know that it’s partly got to do with the fact that this is the very first year I am embracing it with a husband. I know I should be excited, but I’m more anxious than excited.

Like how I’m constantly thinking about what I am capable of feeding the man (my husband) for sahur, especially. Waking up for sahur, to me is a small feat. But preparing sahur? That makes me part of a different league altogether I think.

Or how I’m constantly thinking of whether I would have the time to cook? Or how much I should cook. Or how much I should buy, or if I should buy at all? I know. These are such silly things that I shouldn’t even be bothered about seeing that there are so many options these days, but it fills my mind with so much doubt, so much so it is hard to ignore.

Or how I’m going to take performing solat tarawikh, which is not in Masjid Taqwa TTDI since I have gotten so accustomed to going there since I could remember. To hearing the voice of the imam there, which almost always made me calm.

Fine. Most of those thoughts are about food too, I know. But it’s just in such a different way, don’t you think?

I know that I’ll get a hang of this soon. I always do. But for now, rest assured that I will be cooking chicken tonight and that husband of mine has requested what he wants for today’s iftar, sahur and tomorrow’s iftar.

At least one of us is excited, ey? ;)

I noticed that this seems to happen on alternate years, for some unfathomable reason. One year I’m an excited monkey, the next I’m stoned. But I know we’ll all be fine, insyaAllah.

Selamat menyambut bulan Ramadan to all out there.

May we find peace and calmness always :)

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)