August 16, 2011

while i was away.

For some inexplicable reason, the way I am handling this year’s Ramadan is as if I have never fasted my whole life. Constantly, I find myself tired, sleepy and most alarmingly, hungry. And no, it’s no longer the “my-tummy-grumbles-so-loud-I-am-embarrassed” kind of hungry, it’s actually excruciatingly painful, I’m now forced to review my diet.

I always thought I knew my body well enough. But apparently not.

As I’ve established the fact that I cannot consume rice during sahur, I resigned to having bread as my staple. For sahur at least.

And for some reason, these past few days, even bread has failed me. But I know I’ve got to eat something if I don’t plan to lose so much weight until my clothes hang loosely all over. So, today, I resorted to nestum. I feel relatively better than yesterday, but those gastric juices are so threatening, they’re pretty hard to ignore.

In all honesty, this eating “disorder” is bugging the living daylights out of me. Not just because I am not able to properly eat my sahur, but also because it does, to a certain extent, affect my ability to consume everything else after breaking of fast.

And though I don’t normally eat that much, even the normal amount I consume can make me barf.

Alarming, isn’t it?

It’s not my first time fasting and it’s not even the first few days. We’re half way through and I feel like this, whereas I’ve never had it THIS bad. Yes, I’ve had it before, but this time round is really quite terrible.

I’m just hoping that this phase passes by quickly so that I can properly enjoy my Ramadan. Wind is no fun. Gastric juices are no fun. Upset tummies, much less. And all I want to be is strong.

Like I’ve always been before.


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