April 18, 2007

malaysia boleh?

It’s that time of year again. Or more like time of the semester. I think I’ve repeated this for the past… let’s see... the past 5 semesters, since I started a blog. I’m eating like nobody’s business, and I can’t even be bothered if I piled on the kilos. Okay, wait, I’m lying. I do mind, and I will become obsessively obsessive with my weight. These are just tips of the iceberg, of what goes on with me during exams.

Next. I get panic attacks. Especially when it’s nearing the exams, and people ask me questions that I’m supposed to know how to answer, but for some unfathomable reason, cannot at that point in time, when asked.

Then, I throw tantrums; both the silent and not so silent ones. I get all moody, and for that, I’m thankful that I moved out, because these past 3 weeks or so have been absolutely great, as one of the sources of my anger, so to speak, is eliminated.

And last, but not least. I blog. I write crap even if I don’t post it, because it helps. And today, I want to talk about Malaysia Boleh.

I just saw the news. Some dudes are going to jump off choppers on parachutes at the North Pole. Very commendable indeed, because all are done in the spirit of the nation. Malaysia Boleh! I know some people from the Faculty and some others who are on an expedition to Everest. Very commendable thing to do too. After all, Malaysia Boleh!

But tell me why we do all these things? Tell me why we try to climb the tallest mountains? Tell me why we jump at the North Pole? Tell me why we try to cook the biggest feast? Tell me why we bake the longest cake or attempt to do all ‘longest’, ‘strongest’, ‘farthest’, and all else with the ‘est’ at the back, when what goes on in our heads do not change. At all. Period.

We’ve heard every now and then, that we are a country with first class facilities but with 3rd class citizens. Now, does that serve as an embarrassment to you, or does it not? Studies have shown that we are one of the rudest countries in the world. Does that not embarrass you yet? We’re known for hiding, denying and trying to cut out the truth, when the absolute truth is not how we or they are painting it.

Take for example the studies done by UKM, which was published sometime in March, stating that out of 800 over students, only one is a virgin, and the rest had already encountered some kind of sexual experience of some sort. I believed the study, trust me, I did. It’s not surprising, with all this globalisation and borderless world, where the internet is at our disposal, and where the media basically tells you everything and nothing at the same time.

I believed it not because I don’t mind it. I am worried. I am worried for my future, and for my children’s and their children’s future. I am worried for what they might become. I don’t have to go that far, even. I have a teenage sister, and I’m worried about her. And because I am worried, I choose to believe in it so that I can take extra precautions. So that I can keep an eye on her and remind her and pull her back if I see that she’s slipping away.

But no. a few weeks later, a press statement came out stating that the studies aren’t true. So, maybe they aren’t. They might not be. But so what if they are? “air tak berkocak kalau tak dibaling batu” What are these people trying to hide? There’s nothing to hide. We’re all liberated now and we are certainly not stupid to be fooled into thinking that there is no problem when it’s crystal clear that there exist such a problem.

I start to see why a lot of issues in this country become the “flavour of the week”. And it’s because we don’t care enough to look into the matter deeply enough. And it’s because we can’t be bothered to follow up on the solutions we come up with to solve problems. We don’t look far enough to see the repercussions of our actions, and all that, because we have become complacently comfortable with what we already have.

Probably we’ve never thought of the possibility that all this peace might not last. We’ve probably never even thought of the possibility that our resources are going to run out soon, and that we might be left with nothing to live on.

Probably, it takes a war, or famine or some disaster to make us open our eyes. Probably then, when it’s too late, we’ll start thinking of what we, as Malaysians could have done better to save our nation. By then, it would be too late to think of Malaysia Boleh!

April 15, 2007

take a look at my guy friend

I have guys friends, contrary to the popular believe that I don’t. But I have to admit, I lack them in numbers. But I always, always thought I won in terms of quality, because my guy friends treat me like queens, like sisters, and sometimes even like their girlfriends. The best part is, they treat me like a buddy. So there is no ego involved, no hard feelings; only frankness, bluntness, and a lot of fun. No strings attached.

The problem with no strings attached, and being so buddy, buddy, is that they tend to forget. They tend to forget that I too, not as an overly emotional girl, or a friend but merely as a human being, have feelings. Thus, I hate to be forgotten, I hate to be rejected, and I hate to be taken advantaged of.

I will not be disclosing any names, but even if I did, not many people would know about him. I have known him for quite some time, and like I mentioned earlier, he treats me well, and I never feel like s*it. The problem is, he forgot who I am the very moment he got a girlfriend. Or more like when his girlfriend was around. Because apparently, when he was treating me so nicely, his girlfriend was somewhere in a far, faraway land which required him to have at least RM 3,000 to go see her.

It’s not that I don’t understand this part. Honest. I place my Mr. above every other guy I know, because, yes, he earned that special place in my life. But I don’t forget my friends. I apologise if I have failed to be a good friend or if I fail to pick up the phone or if I fail to listen because the Mr. is around. Put it simply, I do not take people for granted. And if I go through a “phase” where I need to be alone, I make up for those times I was intentionally ignorant.

But this smart guy seems to think I am some girl he can come and go to whenever he wants. I don’t mind being a friend, a crying shoulder, or whatever. But if he suddenly calls you “just to talk” and you ask about his girl, and he tells you they just broke up the weekend before, that’s kind of fishy, isn’t it? “Just to talk la sangat?”. Blwek. Pegi mampus.

Then, out of the blue, in the middle of a Friday, where you just came back from class, he messages you, asking if you’re busy studying. Suddenly you actually care? Or are you just filling your time; your lonely, lonely time without your girlfriend around anymore.

Bull la. He promised me a Valentines lunch, just for us best friends. He never called back on that day. I don’t mind about that so much because I don’t celebrate. And if there was anyone I’d rather be with, it would be Abdul. But then, he forgot my birthday. He justified himself by saying that he was “just about to message” me. Bull some more. And the best part is, he was silent throughout all this time. He never bothered to call or check on me, until he broke up. Sucks right?

I don’t normally get emotional about things like this; they just don’t bother me much. I don’t have the time. But I am so fed up. Because I remember him calling me, telling me about the stupid fights he had and how his girl hated him, for something bad he did. Something really bad, that is. And I was there.

And now, I just hate to be that “touch and go” person, whom he thinks he can come to and go from as and when he pleases. Does that make me a bad friend now? No right?

I’d rather save my credit for someone more worth it.

Just for the record, I’m not at all angry. I’m just a tad bit agitated by people who take me for granted. I do not appreciate people who fail to appreciate. Thank you, and beware.

April 09, 2007

back from nowhere

Let’s face it. I’ve been out of touch with everything and everyone I could possible have done so to. I’ve been a tiny bit absent of late. I’m tired, I’m exhausted, actually, and I really haven’t had the time to do anything leisurely like updating my blog.

And right now, I’m in some CC in section 2, sending an email to Jaja.

Life hasn’t been all that bad, really. There have been some great things which happened throughout my silence from blogging:

a) I moved into a new unit somewhere in Baiduri. Currently, most of the time there are only 3 of us. Zata comes on weekends, and Nadira will stay permanently next semester.
b) I celebrated my 2nd anniversary early last week. It wasn’t much, but it was enough I guess. Hope for many more to come.
c) I’m actually doing just okay for my studies, which is a good thing because finally I can rest my weary head and be a little bit more positive that I am going to make it to Honours programme with my friends.

Other than that, life generally has been good, I guess. I’ve developed an allergy for a certain someone, and I think I need not elaborate. And life’s been really good without her, and this too, I shall not elaborate.

I have pictures to share, actually, but I haven’t got the time to wait for them to load. So probably some other time, when I’m really, really free.

For now, I just want to get back to sending my email, and getting back home because it’s starting to rain.