April 30, 2013

my biggest issue.

My biggest issue in life is trust.

It's either I trust you. Or I don't.

And normally, I trust you. Until you give me a reason not to.

And from then on, you can expect this. Yes, this thing I'm doing.

This whole silent treatment. This whole avoidance.

You broke me. Or I'm broken? Doesn't matter.

Point is, don't rile me. Don't make me angry.

Because once I'm broken, you can consider me gone.

April 18, 2013

it was written in the stars.

For a few months now, I've been telling my mom that I wanted to treat myself to something. I've been working for 5 years now and the only expensive thing I've bought so far is a normal leather bag, which has served me well and is in fact, still serving me fine.

While others have treated themselves with lovely designer bags, I decidedly felt that a designer bag wouldn't make me happy enough.

I wanted to treat myself to a charm bracelet from Pandora, but kept hesitating, for the same reason I decided not to treat myself to a designer handbag.

In the end, I knew that only one thing could make me happy enough.

Told my husband about it and he, being the enthusiast, didn't hesitate to accompany me to my "try-outs". At the end of it all, we decided against any purchase because the price of all of those that I liked were just too steep. I either had to settle with something less or wait until things looked up for me.

I decided on the latter.

As fate had it, yesterday was the day.

My husband called me up excitedly, telling me of the good news. The moment I was able to leave office, we went to the shop, hand in hand, just hoping that The One was still there. As I had so fervently hoped, there it was, in the glass showcase, just like when I first saw it.

There was no more room for hesitation. I knew that I had to have it then. Best thing of all is that it seemed to (perfectly) go with everything I had on for work yesterday (read: yellow|cream|brown). If I had let it go yesterday, I don't think I would have forgiven myself.

Now that it's draped around my wrist, I feel a sense of accomplishment for having worked so hard for the past 5 years.

This is the best present one could ever treat herself with and I'm glad I did.

Alhamdulillah :)

April 16, 2013

some balloons and a yummy cake.

The photo in the post below is from Luqman's 1st birthday celebration, which no one in particular was invited to.


Yes, after thinking things through long and hard, I finally decided not to hold a full-blown celebration for him. Not just yet. Not this year.

Of course, it was a tough decision to make. Every other kid these days gets a full-blown celebration and I wasn't even considering one? Of course, my ego was scratched and deflated and I felt like a failed parent. What if he one day questioned my decision?

Well, since it's my decision to make, I shall be the one to answer.

(though I very much doubt he'll be questioning me)

So, anyways, for keepsake purposes, we held a small do just to mark his first birthday. It was also to mark his daddy's homecoming.

We had pasta, pizza, soup and (ohsoyummy)cake.

Of course, the birthday boy got some pizza crust and a few chocolate crumbs, just so he gets to taste what his own party's food tastes like.

But anway, all he enjoyed was nursing from his Sippy(Mama's)Cup really, so it mattered very little to him what was served. He did enjoy opening his presents, though and of course loved ALL of them. And I think  he napped TWICE during the celebration.

At the end of the day, my brother said, "The birthday boy is the person who least understands what's going on today!"

He kind of took the words right out of my mouth.

So, I'm really glad we had it small and intimate. And that everybody had some fun.

Probably next year, you can expect an invite in your post. Probably ;)

he just couldn't keep his hands off Mr. Bozo | From Wondermilk.

and here he is being a complete angel for keeping his party hat on! | He hates anything on his head, so this is a big deal for me ;)

Mama hopes you had fun baby boy!

April 15, 2013

the end.

The long awaited end of 6 months finally came on 12.04.2013.

I embraced it with euphoria, nothing less.

That night, I slept sandwiched between my boys, who both hugged me lovingly, and equally tight.

Now that we're three, we are finally ONE.

Thank you Allah for protecting us, for reuniting us, for keeping the love alive.

And I am once again, complete.

April 04, 2013


I purposely waited until April to update my blog.

March was way too depressing for me and I dare say that that was one of the lowest of the lowest points in my life.

But now that March has passed, I’m happy to announce that April began with a bang! A great big bang as it began with my baby’s first ever birthday.

I’m so thankful that I managed to spend more hours with him than normal on that day, and that he was in such a good mood to begin with. He was all smiles the moment he woke up and as I watched him sleep, I caught him smiling in his dreams too. I guess he could sense how different and special that day was seeing that I came to pick him up way earlier than normal and that he was made to wear the new clothes his pengasuh got for him for his birthday. Of course, we got him a mini Big Bird to commemorate the day (though I still wish Elmo was not sold out!), which he of course loves!

Well anyway, as I’ve poured my heart out on FB and Instagram, I don’t plan on doing the same here on my blog.

So, I’ll leave you with never seen before photos (on this blog) from a year back. Enjoy!

the start of my sleepless nights ;)
surah Maryam
my firstborn
in the nook of my arms :)
all I know is sleep
and that I want milk. more milk!
at 6 weeks I was all smiles.
when previously I didn't know what on earth was going on.
but still sempat buat muka manis minta susu ;)
aaah, that's more like me hihi
this is when Mama started to lose more weight. ha ha ha
Okay, dah. Tak larat. There's probably thousands of his photos which have never been published. I'll save that for another throwback.
Happy birthday my baby darling :)