November 27, 2017

we're not broken, just bent.



"Between what is said and not meant 
and what is meant and not said
most of love is lost."
-Kahlil Gibran

Every couple will eventually hit a wall. Or rather... that wall. That infamous, infamous wall most people refer to as the itch. Some people hit the wall at 5 years, others at 7, some at 10... and some... even later in life, just when you thought these things don't happen to people of that age or in that stage of marriage anymore.

Thing is, they do.

And while some people survive and become better, others never make it out of the rut.

All I know is that everyone eventually comes out of it changed

I generally never believed that these kind of things happened to ordinary people like myself. After all, there isn't anything very exciting about my life to begin with, so there was no way for drama to make way.

Until -- WE somehow hit the wall. The so-called elusive wall. 

I'll spare you the sordid details about what happened because we're both okay now and we're completely clueless about how things turned out the way it turned out... but if you asked us both which year was the toughest year for us as a married couple so far, I think we'd both agree in a heartbeat that 2015 was that year. So, though we didn't think we'd ever hit the wall, I kind of think we did.

It's now nearing the end of 2017 and though things haven't been perfect for us, they haven't been all bad either. We have come to the realisation that we're not broken, just a little bent and being bent doesn't always mean a bad thing because you know that a smile is the curve that sets everything straight, right?

We realise now that all we both need is a little reassurance, lots of love and at times... time -- as in time alone kind of time.

I think most couples don't want to talk about "time alone" for fear of sounding ungrateful. After all, soo many couples would kill to have what we have so what are we doing here complaining about having an entourage (of 2 je pun!) constantly asking questions and needing our undying and undivided attention.

Thing is, time alone really is what we need, no matter how selfish some people might view that need to be.

So, each time we realise that time alone is due... we take a break from our kids and go out on a date... just the 2 of us... no matter how hard it is for us to tear ourselves away from them.

And when that happens (like it happened last weekend), we will come back refreshed, seeing each other in a way we never did before and we always come back to our kids as better parents.

So, no matter how guilty you feel about leaving your kids (like I can never ever not check on them every once in a while, while I'm out on a date)... these dates are necessary for our sanity as a couple. Take some time off. Talk to each other about other than the kids. Ask each other questions about each other. Put the phone down -- listen. And have a plan about what you'd like to achieve out of the day so that you make full use of that time alone, doing things you'd otherwise take 3 times the time to do if the kids were around.

After all, we're all not broken, just bent. So surely we can all learn to love again