June 26, 2009

some depth.

Last year, a few days from now marked the first day I reported for duty. And now, we’re all moving to a new building, hopefully as a mark of new beginnings. It has been a bumpy ride, yes indeed. And I’m sure that it will be a bumpier ride onwards. But I will hang on and just let nature take its course. What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger, yes?

Well, anyway, we all became RM 2,000 richer last night, so we decided to celebrate a bit. Had dinner at Sushi King with my colleagues and desert afterwards at Johnny’s.

K.Ati and I discussed the common blogs we read; of people who looked like they were living a life of leisure. And though initially I always felt a tinge of jealousy with the lifestyles they led, last night got me thinking as to whether there was anything more to their lives other than the things they tell us.

It got me thinking of how subjective satisfaction is; that we all find joy in different pleasures, and that fulfillment comes in different forms. It got me thinking really hard. Like would I like private practice more than Service? Like would I like to be a stay at home mom if my husband were rich enough to fund us with his pay alone? Like whether I would like to pursue my photography, baking and business interests rather than practicing law.

And of course, there are other possibilities which I have yet ventured (or even thought of), which just makes me think: what would be the ultimate thing that would make me happy?

Then, it brought me back to *this*. I believe that part of the reason why I am scared to dream is because I am scared of not being able to fulfill them? Does that even make sense?

Well, anyways, back to the common blogs we read. Surely, there must be more to life than the things they tell us. Because surely, we are never allowed to read people like a book when we read their entries, and what more judge them.

But sometimes, we just can’t help but wonder if there is any depth in them at all…

Because thinking of people makes me think of myself as well, and the posts I write… have I passed of as a superficial person, with so little depth I should not be taken seriously? Or have I been so serious?

Now you be the judge.

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