skin.
My eyes are really, really drooping. I am very, very sleepy. But I’m still here, up and alive because this thing has been playing around in my head for the whole evening, I know I won’t sleep soundly before writing something about it. I’m weird like that, so let me be.
Remember we all used to be teenagers? And some of you readers out are still teens especially if you have not yet reached the big two-zero. Point is, we’ve all gone through that adolescent stage; the only difference being— you enjoy it, or you don’t.
Some people loved their high school years. In fact, those were the best years of their lives that it defines who they are. They knew from high school that the people they are now are the people they always knew they would be. Well, good for them.
I hated high school. I didn’t hate the school; just the things I did not do and the things I could have done but didn’t and couldn’t. It’s something like this love-hate which is very difficult to explain. Though some of the best things happened there, some of the worst did as well.
Point is, back then when I was in high school, I was never at peace with myself. I guess alot of us weren’t at peace with ourselves, actually and not many of us were exceptions. I wasn’t happy with the way I looked nor was I happy with the way my brains functioned. I mean, I think I would have studied differently if only I knew my capacity back then, but I just didn’t know. You get what I mean?
It takes really long for one to be at peace with oneself. And it took me 22 years to do it. At the age of 22, I rarely cared about what people I did not care about thought of me. I just came to that point when I stopped minding about what everyone said and started focussing on what I had to say about myself.
Prior to that magic age, I always felt inadequate. In fact, I was even ashamed about the things I did. For example, when my (now still) bf called, and I didn’t pick up because I was performing my prayers, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I was praying. I know! Shame on me, right? And when I went out with my friends, I was always ashamed to tell anyone that I loved “kueyteow kungfu” or “nasik goring paprik” because I always thought that cool people didn’t eat all those stuff; that they only ate fast food or went fine dining all the time. I know! I’m such a nutcase, aren’t I?
I also became extremely brand conscious, because part of me always thought that cool people don’t buy bargained goods. I tried to follow trends because I thought it was the “right” thing to do. I felt inadequate that I didn’t wear make-up. I was always comparing with what other people had, thinking that I had less. I know! I’m such a loser for having the lowest self-esteem possible.
But all that is behind me now.
I am so comfortable in my own skin now that I don’t really care. Okay, that would be a lie. I care. I care about what I look like. And I do care about what the people I love think of me. But I’m no longer afraid to say, “I didn’t pick up the phone because I was praying and read the Quran after that.” I’m not afraid to admit that I’m a Sungai Wang Junkie, because I’m a crazy bargain hunter and Sungai Wang offers nothing but BARGAINS. And did I tell you how much I love to haggle?So what if it doesn’t have an expensive label, eh?
I’m no longer afraid to admit that I LOVE burger bodoh-bodoh (that’s what I call burger ramly) because I now know that we are all humans and just started working and don’t have THAT much money and well, no one can stand eating McDonalds every day, though I know of one girl who’s on a PB diet right now!
I’m so confident now that I simply blurt out silly little songs in the car (which are not playing on the radio mind you!) even if I’ve got the lyrics all wrong. I also ask more questions now, no matter how silly it makes me look. I want to know, so what’s wrong with me asking?
It’s good to laugh at myself nowadays and knowing that you can make others (whom you care about) laugh as well is a bonus.
So, this goes out to my little sister, who I know is having trouble coming to terms with herself sometimes. It’s okay. I may not be a beautiful swan now, but at least I’m a prettier duckling. And you have so much more, so make sure you grow into a beautiful swan okay?
And to all girls and guys out there who feel inadequate because you think you’ve got less than everyone else; THINK AGAIN! The only time you’ll learn to love yourself is when you are at peace with yourself.
When even the smelliest I-hate-to-mandi skin is the one you’re most comfortable in. Just like me. :)
Remember we all used to be teenagers? And some of you readers out are still teens especially if you have not yet reached the big two-zero. Point is, we’ve all gone through that adolescent stage; the only difference being— you enjoy it, or you don’t.
Some people loved their high school years. In fact, those were the best years of their lives that it defines who they are. They knew from high school that the people they are now are the people they always knew they would be. Well, good for them.
I hated high school. I didn’t hate the school; just the things I did not do and the things I could have done but didn’t and couldn’t. It’s something like this love-hate which is very difficult to explain. Though some of the best things happened there, some of the worst did as well.
Point is, back then when I was in high school, I was never at peace with myself. I guess alot of us weren’t at peace with ourselves, actually and not many of us were exceptions. I wasn’t happy with the way I looked nor was I happy with the way my brains functioned. I mean, I think I would have studied differently if only I knew my capacity back then, but I just didn’t know. You get what I mean?
It takes really long for one to be at peace with oneself. And it took me 22 years to do it. At the age of 22, I rarely cared about what people I did not care about thought of me. I just came to that point when I stopped minding about what everyone said and started focussing on what I had to say about myself.
Prior to that magic age, I always felt inadequate. In fact, I was even ashamed about the things I did. For example, when my (now still) bf called, and I didn’t pick up because I was performing my prayers, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I was praying. I know! Shame on me, right? And when I went out with my friends, I was always ashamed to tell anyone that I loved “kueyteow kungfu” or “nasik goring paprik” because I always thought that cool people didn’t eat all those stuff; that they only ate fast food or went fine dining all the time. I know! I’m such a nutcase, aren’t I?
I also became extremely brand conscious, because part of me always thought that cool people don’t buy bargained goods. I tried to follow trends because I thought it was the “right” thing to do. I felt inadequate that I didn’t wear make-up. I was always comparing with what other people had, thinking that I had less. I know! I’m such a loser for having the lowest self-esteem possible.
But all that is behind me now.
I am so comfortable in my own skin now that I don’t really care. Okay, that would be a lie. I care. I care about what I look like. And I do care about what the people I love think of me. But I’m no longer afraid to say, “I didn’t pick up the phone because I was praying and read the Quran after that.” I’m not afraid to admit that I’m a Sungai Wang Junkie, because I’m a crazy bargain hunter and Sungai Wang offers nothing but BARGAINS. And did I tell you how much I love to haggle?So what if it doesn’t have an expensive label, eh?
I’m no longer afraid to admit that I LOVE burger bodoh-bodoh (that’s what I call burger ramly) because I now know that we are all humans and just started working and don’t have THAT much money and well, no one can stand eating McDonalds every day, though I know of one girl who’s on a PB diet right now!
I’m so confident now that I simply blurt out silly little songs in the car (which are not playing on the radio mind you!) even if I’ve got the lyrics all wrong. I also ask more questions now, no matter how silly it makes me look. I want to know, so what’s wrong with me asking?
It’s good to laugh at myself nowadays and knowing that you can make others (whom you care about) laugh as well is a bonus.
So, this goes out to my little sister, who I know is having trouble coming to terms with herself sometimes. It’s okay. I may not be a beautiful swan now, but at least I’m a prettier duckling. And you have so much more, so make sure you grow into a beautiful swan okay?
And to all girls and guys out there who feel inadequate because you think you’ve got less than everyone else; THINK AGAIN! The only time you’ll learn to love yourself is when you are at peace with yourself.
When even the smelliest I-hate-to-mandi skin is the one you’re most comfortable in. Just like me. :)
Comments
everyone must have gone through that phase.
oh, the part when u said not picking up the phone when praying. true, i've been there too. but only recently a fren of mine has other idea. she said 'perlu ke cakap kat org kite tgh sembahyang'
sick.sick.sick.i hate it when people hav this mentality.
we should not be bothered of what people will say because they are PEOPLE. 10 people will say 10 different things. so as long as we know in our hearts why we do,say,eat certain things is good enough.
wait, just wanna know, the things u said abt the branded stuff, the kueh teow stuff n all, what yr was that? hahaha. funny la u!=p
of course its VERY important indeed to feel comfortable in ur own skin. i so very much believe in that too.
is ur lil sis gonna read this? just wondering..hehe.
take care u!=)
another thing, the sexiest thing abt a woman is her confidence ;) rite? hehehe
nvm girl. let others say what they want to say. kite solat, so cakap la solat takkan nak cakap berak pulak, right?
so, what's important is that you feel comfortable about what you are saying and what you are doing.
orang yang tak perlu dikisahkan, silalah buat perangai aiman tak kisah, okays?
cheers :)
fiqss: heheh. thanks kid! my sis will probably not read this but it's okay. the rest of the girls out there can take heed from this post.
the kueyteow and nasik goreng was my first year in Uni. tahpape tah kan. so what if suka kueyteow kungfu? come to think of it mmg tah pape la saya ni.
and yes. a confident girl is extremely sexy ;p
lain la 2 minggu call tak reti nak angkat. hahahah
-minian-
abduls: i know love. tahpaper tah kan dulu2. kite nak cakap sumer takut conscious
why u love it, because u can even ask the maker to make it less bawang, or less sauce ( nnt tumpah2 x suke) and u can ask for extra mayo and cheese on top please..
where else kalau MC or else, mmg susah nak mintak mcm2 because everything is fix.
if to appply it in life, life is not fix! it's a matter of choice.
so the burger bodoh that i ate, adalah yg paling sedap i rasa because i ordered according to my preference..and it's not fixed. and i just love it.
and i love sg.wang coz everything is there. i dont care if i were to spend at the rm15 shop, but the baju looks good on me, and i know im not a RM200/300 dress to go any dinner pun. so just chill. sg.wang made me being myself there. just me, and my choice of clothes. coz at the end of the day, it's our money and i love things that are value for money, not cheapskate, but we surely know when to spend/worth to spend for!
kakak!! i did not know that i have such a friend yg berkepala hotak yg sama! (mind you) but yeah, i do understand how u feel!
i love u!