When one advises another about something, or tries to console someone about something that’s bugging them, more often than not, those words of comfort are to console the one giving the advice. Welcome to my world.
There are alot of people in my phonebook who constantly message me or call me to tell me things or ask me for words of comfort. Hell, I’m even called Kakak for that very reason. No, honestly, I don’t mind. In fact, it’s good to know when people look for you even for the simplest of reasons such as whining.
But in between those comforting lines I say lays my own fear, or probably own denial of the emotions I know I would not be able to control properly. Like, say for example someone is scared of the quality of their performance, and they tell me about it. And I tell them its okay.
Actually, I’m hoping that I’d be okay if I were faced with such disappointment.
And when the entire week I’ve been telling someone that “if ada rezeki, adalah” and when I’ve been saying, “it’s okay”... all the while, I was comforting myself more than anything else.
Because after all, we had dreams about what it could have been if things were okay after all.
And although I keep on telling myself that I’m used to LDR and that we’d probably need some getting used to if we were so near, who wouldn’t want to go dating every weekend?
I’m probably telling everyone I don’t mind it because I don’t have a choice. I either suck it in, or suck at it.
So, yes, I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed because I said it would be okay.
Now, the one who’s not okay is me.