of nothing at all

I’ve been in Baiduri for approximately 4 hours. I’m here to pack my stuff into the boxes which I bought weeks ago. My room is in the messiest state it has ever been since the first time I moved in here. It’s not even this messy during the exams.

My books are everywhere. So are my notes. And papers; both used and unused. I feel like my evening has been put down to waste. I’ve been lazing around and not packing. I don’t know where to start.

To be very honest, I don’t know if I want to start at all. It’s tough. It’s bittersweet even. I’ve been living here for the most part of my varsity years. It’s not easy. Call me crazy because I know this ain’t the UK or US or someplace which requires me to have passport and visa to enter, but still. Being far from it and knowing that I’m not going to live in this place anymore basically makes me sad. Melancholic, ain’t I?

So, here I am, writing posts of nothingness. I want to read up on something, yet I’m too hungry to concentrate. That’s another thing I want to talk about. Thought of doing it in a separate post, but while I’m at it, why not, eh?

Of late, my tummy has become an empty keroncong. Why, oh why? I don’t know what it is that’s making me un-full. I’m not ‘membela’ as some people put it because I eat tonnes of food junk yet here I am, looking like a don’t-take-me-seriously 16 year old. I’ve gotten that from some strangers (but then again he might have just used that line on me to get me to upgrade from a grande to a venti) but nevertheless, I’m pretty tiny according to some people.

I know that this problem is partially contributed by lack of rice consumption. I don’t eat too much rice at home because takde gang ok. It’s no fun because apart from bapak, the rest eat real little portions. No one is like Mami, Nadnad and I who are big plate rice eaters. And so, due to the lack of rice I’m consuming, I’m constantly getting hunger pangs, it’s becoming more and more ridiculous.

And the fact that I’m insomniac is not helping me. Help. I just don’t get it why I’m going through all this. I need to pack, yet I’m not packing. I’ve eaten yet here I am craving for more food. I’m so damn tired from my drive today yet I can’t sleep.

I really need some rest. My mind cannot stop reeling it’s making my tummy make sounds. Does that even make any sense at all?