May 11, 2008

how i wish Mama

When I was in school, my mom came to visit me every mother’s day. She never came for the corny unnecessary presents I bought her, nor did she come for the (cheap) cards that I either made or bought for her. It was her day, yet she came to me with my favourite ayam masak lemak with nangka and ikan keli masak cili. She came to me with a tikar, sat down on the wakaf floor and listened to me crying my heart out. She came to me and held my hand while I was studying because this time always happens to be during the examinations.

And before she went back, I would always, always fight with her. If I didn’t fight with her, I would be crying my eyeballs out until my eyes looked like they were non-existent on my face. For the whole 5 years I was in college, my mother never went back home without me not crying on Mother’s Day.

We’ve all come such a long way since then. Now, it’s my sister’s turn. She throws fewer tantrums, but she demands more from my parents. Yet, there my mother is, treating my sister to a meal and drink at Secret Recipe, hearing my sister pour her heart out, worrying that my sister is too stressed out to sit for her mid-year examinations. And she does this all on her day, when right thing would be for us to treat her, instead of vice versa.

I wish things were better for her, but she seems to not mind at all. For her, what is important is that she sees her children grow to become useful people.

Because of my never ending assignments, I didn’t plan a Mother’s Day celebration at all. I didn’t even have a card yet that morning. So, when she left for Seremban for a wedding, I took a drive to OU and headed to Memory Lane. There were several cheap and corny cards like the ones I bought when I was in school. But there were also those within the more exclusive albeit extremely expensive range.

And although I failed to properly celebrate her with good food (which she would be furious since she’s trying to cut down on the food intake), I’m glad I grabbed one of those really special cards for her. After all, my Mom is so much more worth it than any of those cards. She even cried when she read the card because she knew that although i didn't make it myself, i really meant all that the card said.

I really wished that we had more time...

I really wished that life weren’t so hectic...

And I really wished that we could just sit, look at each other and talk like we always do...

Mama, you are close to heart although I don’t always tell you.

Mama, I’m sorry that I hurt you sometimes...

Mama, thank you for your patience...

Mama, I will never be even half as good as you are...

Mama, I don’t know what I’ll do without you...

I’m sorry I’m bad sometimes though I try very hard not to be...

I love you, Mama. I really do...

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