July 05, 2010

mungkin nanti

Every time he contacted me, I would have that photo in Friendster haunting me at the back of my mind. I think I have mentioned somewhere before that I have never seen his eyes laugh like that before or ever again. And that photo was permanently etched in my memory. I often asked about that girl. I always thought he was going to marry her. I’m sure at some point in his life, he too, thought the same.

But little did I know, he too, was going through one of the toughest, most heartbreaking moments in his life. Oh, I know this is a oh-so-typical love story. I thought the same as well when it happened to me. 2 broken hearts. 2 sama tapi tak serupa stories. 2 similar goals; albeit different ways and means to get there.

I was always very cautious with him. Well, you can’t blame me; he did have a “reputation” of some sort that he proudly lived up to. But deep, deep, deep, DEEP (okay fine, you get the drift) down inside, I was dying to prove everyone wrong. I wanted to believe that he was a good guy after all. And it was difficult to do that. It was difficult to do that with everyone around you, going against you.

He stuck around me for a long time. He was always there at my old blog (oops sorry link not found) and because I knew that fact, I always communicated with him through it. There were times when I felt that everything was going too fast, too soon and still, there he was and there I was, letting myself fall freely. It was a scary feeling. To be very honest, I don’t know what I was letting myself get into.

Our favourite phrase back then was “Mungkin Nanti”. Not surprising because Peter Pan was so in back then and I love that song (note that it is not in past tense) (how was I supposed to know he would turn into Peter Porn?). When he asked me questions I had no answer to, I answered “Mungkin Nanti”. Because I didn’t want to tell him I didn’t want anything to do with him fearing that one day, I would regret making such decision.

So, despite the bottomless ravine I was so scared of, I let myself freefall. I hope one day, when I think of it in retrospect, it would be one of the best decisions I have ever made.

i wouldn't be surprised if at that point in time when i wrote this, i ended up in tears.

[to be continued…]

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