April 29, 2008

saya bossy

After the paper on Monday, Mami and I did a little de-stressing. We downloaded poco-poco and started “dancing”. Okay, no, I won’t lie, we weren’t dancing, we were just turning and turning some more. We should have put Nadnad, the poco-poco Queen on House Arrest so that she could teach us.

After all that sweating and panting and puffing and not getting anywhere, we realised what a great deal sweating really was (I know this is crazy but we’ve been stuck in air-conditioned rooms and halls all semester). Thus, we decided to take a walk the morning after. Which is today, that is.

Since I left my shoes in TTDI, the only logical thing to do would be to go back home, get my shoes and go walking at the Kiara Park. We met up with Azmi and did some power walking. Man, I feel good about myself. Hahaha

ultraman and peace maker

honeystar and mamita

hanging on for dear life... but Azmi was not hanging at all. too tall lah u

The thing about meeting up is that there would obviously be breakfast and gossip sessions, there being Azmi the story teller and Mami and I the contributors to the never ending LLB stories and so we all finally dispersed at around 10.30 a.m. before heading back to Shah Alam.

The rest of the day was pretty boring. I had to go to campus to submit our second last submission for this semester. Fuh, what a relief! And then it rained and I had to wait a while before I could get back to my car without getting a free shower. After that, I went to McD for a while and encountered some VERY brash kids. I’ll save this for another post, though, because there are just so many things to write about these inconsiderate, muka tak malu, very brash kids who I suspect aren’t even 16 yet.

Bottom line is, (this is very random and out of nowhere... and I know this is going to sound very silly... and bossy... but...

I must admit that I miss being boss and giving orders,

“Okay, please check your emails, I’ve listed down the list of things to do for next week, if anything nanti please let me know, okay?”

“Boss, camne nak buat ni?”

“Boss, camne nak buat itu?”

“Boss, I dah email dah to you my part of the work, tolong check if anything kena betulkan cakap okay”

“Terima kasih ketua syarikat”

“Baiklah ketua syarikat”




Does this mean I’m bossy?

Haih... I just miss my firm and my firm mates okay. I never thought I would come to this point but they have become more than just my firm mates, they have become my friends and confidantes because I spend 8 hours minimum with them per day.

machamanani? – gaya Dekda

Am I babbling? Yes, again and again.

I can’t wait for another 3 papers to end! Plans, plans and plans to execute! I cannot wait.

April 28, 2008

bapak, bapak..

gearing up. whahaha. kamus

Mamita berposing

I got back quite early in the morning. Today starts the very first paper for the very FINAL finals, insyaAllah. Normally, I would message my parents to tell them that I’m back, but just today, I forgot.

Bapak messaged me to ask me sometime near noon. I messaged him back and told him that I had safely arrived earlier and that I was scared and now getting ready to sit for the Bahasa Melayu for Law PBM 552.

He replied:

“don’t b scared. Malays should not b afraid of their own language ok. Love”

Haih, so comel. Bapak, bapak... if only you knew how tough Glanville Williams is in Bahasa Melayu.

The paper was super sucky, btw.

Shazana Fairuz Shahril, happy birthday!

Nadd Haridan, I miss you. Sangat!

rindu, rindu, rindu!

April 25, 2008

the headphone wants a break

I bought myself a pair of headphones with a microphone just now for only RM 9.90. I think I have been fully utilising it since this afternoon making calls to Abdul. I think now the headphone wants a break because I’m having trouble signing into YM. Of all times! I don’t know why. Is it just my YM or is everyone facing the same problem?

My exams start on Monday. I don’t know why I am so lazy. The BM paper is crazy difficult okay. It’s not making very much sense but I’m trying my best not to give up now.

Not talking about things is difficult. But giving simulations of the real thing is helping a great deal. It’s taking the heap off my chest a little bit. And not to mention the remnants of pain I’m feeling. Ah, never mind. Time will heal, so they say and so I hope.

I have to get down to work. I do not like Final Exams. Especially that this is my absolutely LAST final exams in UiTM insyaAllah. I do not see or smell a DL this semester. It’s just too tough to fight, I don’t know why. I have fallen.

Okay, okay. Back to work. Enough rambling.

//editted: YM dah boleh! yeay!

intrigued

I’m supposed to be getting ready to go to the office right now. I’ve got a meeting to discuss our submission. Yes, apparently final year students are deprived of a proper life. Haha. Like I said before, I’m not really in the mood for reading YET, so I guess a discussion is something good.

I just received an email from Aera, in our mailing list. And it touched me so much that I’m all hyped about writing a post.

This is what it said at the end of it...

Relationships are made not to exploit, not to be broken.

We teach some by what we say, we teach some more by what we do But we teach most by what we are.

You don't get to choose how you are going to die, or when, but, you can decide how you are going to live, here and now.

Remember:
People will forget what you said ...
People will forget what you did ...
But people will never forget how you made them feel....

Tq for the message, Aera! This girl always seems to have all kinds of emails to forward to us.

Okay, now I need oxygen. Oxygen really is good you know. Like last night I went for a ride with Mami to heat the car which I have left for so long. And drove around to see possible places where we might be living when we start working. I wish I knew where I was posted. Then, it would be easier for me to commit to an arrangement.

Okay, okay. This wasn’t meant to be a long post. I have to get ready anyways.

Have a nice day.

exams



this is me being silly

and here is abdul not being sick, he's just sick...

There are 4 days to the exams, no 3 days excluding today. I have yet gotten into gear and have not gone into “full swing study mode” yet. I don’t know why it’s so difficult to kick start this time around. I have looked at my Civil Procedure though, but it beats me as to why because that’s the last paper. Surely, I should be concentrating on my earlier papers like BM and Ethics and Criminal Procedure. But I haven’t and I’m starting to freak out a little bit.

This week has been a somewhat eventful one for me. It has seen me going places, even ones I thought I wouldn’t set foot on unless the necessity arose, I drove on streets I thought I would never drive on because of the crazy traffic. But I made it and managed to remember a route or two and this week has also seen me nursing my sick and hospitalised bf. This week has also seen me laugh and cry all at the same time. It has seen me at my most vulnerable, at my most human side. It has seen me maxed out on my mental strength. Yet, the whole experience has been somewhat rejuvenating. Shocking, yes? Yes, very shocking indeed.

Here are some pictures just for fun...

here i am being naughty

and here again

and again

and again

now, abdul is being silly, taking pics while driving...


maybe we'll live and learn,
maybe we'll crash and burn,
maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return...
maybe another fight,
maybe we won't survive,
maybe we'll grow,
we'll never know
baby you and i...

we're just ordinary people..
we don't know which way to go...

i miss my Abdul already...





April 24, 2008

what you don't know won't hurt you?

Is it true that people say, what you don’t know won’t hurt you?

To some extent, I think it’s true. That’s probably why I don’t ask questions because the truth hurts and sucks the life and energy out of you. But sometimes, knowing the truth is just what you need. It is in the truth that you see where you stand and in the truth is where you find answers that you’ve always been searching for.

I don’t know what it is that’s making me write this. But actually, I know. I just don’t want to tell. You might curse me for bringing it up when I never had the intention to disclose anything to begin with. I know you probably don’t understand what the hell I’m ranting about, but... I’ve just gone through something traumatic, I don’t know how I’m even going to start.

So, to make things simpler, I won’t start to tell at all.

Suffice to say... what you don't know won’t hurt you... so true... but if the truth is something you actually want to know and you discover it at a stage where everything is irreparable, then... the truth will hurt even more. If you get to know the truth at an early stage where you can mend fences and fix hearts, then, know the truth. What you know will hurt you, and the pain is better than not knowing. Not making sense? I know.

I know I’m just rambling. But ignore and leave if you don’t like it.

Will update later.

April 21, 2008

jatuh hati


Nike shoes, women’s Capri ballerina

Look what I found and fell in love with yesterday! I want I want I want! It looked great but I don’t have enough money... yet! So, now I’m determined to save because I like this one. Cantik kan?

April 19, 2008

i love google

Yes, I love Google.

Everything can be found on Google. Everything. Including how to grow your hair faster. It’s amazing how much info people put on the internet.

1. “...your first step is to suck it up and head to the salon for a good snip. How much is enough? Unless your hair is very thick or very curly, have the stylist trim until your hair is all one length (as short as the shortest layer in your hair). All-one-length hair stays healthier and that means you can grow it without having as many trims from here on out. I’m right on this one! Yeay! It wasn’t wrong of me to cut my hair after all?

Thick- or curly-haired girls will want to keep a few long layers to help weigh hair down. You don't want to look like a mushroom-head as your hair grows out. But I have a mushroom head. Ces bunces.

2. Give yourself a head rush. Kick your hair follicles (and hair growth) into high gear by increasing circulation to your head. How? "There are three easy ways," says Riquette Holstein, author of Grow Hair Fast. One, get more exercise so your heart is pumping (yet another reason to get up off the couch). Two, flip your head upside-down once a day, brushing your hair from roots to ends (use a natural boar bristle brush to prevent breakage). Three, massage your scalp daily, using your fingertips. "You can do this while you are shampooing or just sitting around watching TV," says Riquette. "It feels really good!"

I score full marks on this one!

3. Eat right. "You know That expression "You are what you eat"? Well, it happens to be true. Hair can only stay long and healthy if you eat well-balanced meals. Foods rich in vitamin A (dairy products, fish, spinach, apricots), vitamin B (meat, fish, bananas, leafy green veggies), vitamin C (citrus, melon, tomatoes and potatoes) and vitamin E (nuts, broccoli, whole grains) are essential for truly healthy hair. Feel like eating a steak tonight? Perfect. Red meat is rich in iron and zinc, two nutrients proven to help your hair grow its fastest.

Hmmm. Not so full marks on this one. Though I do try my utmost best to eat good food all the time.

4. Stress less. Studies show that hair actually grows slower when you are stressed to the max. Your hair also needs a good night's sleep. So chill out, and get some shut-eye already.

If you can do this with 10 subjects hanging over your head and still get Dean’s List, I salute you. Not applicable to Abdul. He’s got photographic memory and more logic than any lawyer has. That’s why he’s an analyst, I guess.

Keep your hair clean. Oily roots and product build-up can clog follicles and prevent your hair from growing as quickly as possible--the max is about a half-inch per month. So be sure to shampoo daily (or even more often if you work out) and give your hairbrush a weekly cleansing so you don't rebrush in old dirt and oil.

Full marks on this one too!

Be kind to your hair. The longer your hair is, the older it is. So treat it with the respect it deserves. When you lather up, use gentle shampoos formulated for your hair type. Treat your locks once a week to a leave-in conditioner or hair mask. And try to lay off your blow-dryer, hot curlers and flat iron as much as possible. Throwing your hair up in a ponytail to disguise growing-out layers? Be careful not to pull too tight--you'll risk breaking your hair. Yikes.

I wish I didn’t have to pull my hair up in a pony tail, but I can’t. I use getah sayur some more…

Get regular trims. After eight weeks, your hair could be up to an inch longer. So don't leave all that hard-earned length on the salon floor. Ask your stylist to snip no more than an eighth of an inch, just to get rid of any split ends and end your above-the-shoulders hair rut forever.

And full marks for me on this one!

So basically, I just have to be patient? Because it seems like I'm doing everything right. Apart from the mushroom head, that is.

Half an inch monthly is just not enough!!! How to be patient like this?

i miss my long hair

Next time, when your bf tells you nicely like, “love, don’t cut your hair. If nak potong pon just to trim a little bit to make more kemas”... then just cut a little bit only la ok. Jangan degil.

I no longer feel sexy because my sexy hair (according to N, my hairdresser) is now gone. If rambut panjang, rimas, remedynya ialah potong. Rambut pendek giler remedynya apa? :(

I seriously want to cry right now.

Somebody give me some tips to panjangkan rambut cepat. I miss it!

change

I can live on Alien v. Predator doughnuts from Big Apple plus Nescafe every day. Seriously, thanks to Hadi I am now perpetually stuck on Big Apple doughnuts and thanks to Mami, I’m like the biggest fan of coffee. I was so gobsmacked by how good the Alien tasted (despite having tasted it loads of times already) that I smudged the chocolate filling all over my mouth while gobbling it. I think some are even on my nose. But seriously, I can’t be bothered because it happens all the time anyways.

Right now, I’m alone at home in Baiduri. Nowadays, it seems like no one stays at home much anymore. Everyone is always out, doing their own stuff. And besides, we’re all drowned in our sea of work, which seems endless even (or especially!) towards the end of the semester. I’ve still got my notes of proceedings to revise on and also written submission for my Mock Trial. All of this sucks but I don’t think I have a choice.

Like I’ve mentioned time and time again, it’s all coming to an end soon. Formal education has ended actually, and we’re left with the final battle which I think wouldn’t be easy to win this time round. The semester hasn’t exactly been a satisfactory one for me. It’s got nothing to do with the problems I faced last semester with my firm mates and stuff of that sort. I guess all of that just needed some adjustments. This semester just saw me all burnt out and tired from pushing and pushing and pushing my limits day in day out. Now, serves me right for not listening to Mama and Abdul. Both have repeatedly reminded me not to outdo myself. I guess they both know better since they’ve both started working and have been working for so long.

The thing about everything ending is that everything is going to CHANGE. The other day, Mami raised this point but I didn’t quite get it then. To be utterly honest, I’m quite excited about working. I guess I need the change and probably the financial independence though it scares the hell out me knowing that Babah will no longer deposit money into my account. I think I’ll have to bat my eyelashes and do the puppy-dog-pout so that he’ll have mercy on me and support me for at least until the end of this year until I’m financially stable and comfortable. I wish. But I’m seriously hoping. *praying hard*

This year is truly a year of changes. I’ve had to deal with a longer-distance relationship, which is very hard to cope with, admittedly. I’ve had to deal with a sister who is growing up so fast now that I think I have to finally own up to my age because she looks up to me like I’m some kind of idol. I know she doesn’t say it, but somehow or rather, I just know. I’ve had to deal with my best man leaving (Abang! If you read this, please know that you are deeply missed!), which saw me being in tears for quite a while.

My parents are going through some changes too. My maid is back in Indonesia and claims that she’ll be back soon. But she’s not back yet. And knowing my Mama, she’s not going to press the issue because she is a believer in the phrase “Allah will only give you what is best”. And so, the both of them have to deal with household chores which they’ve both abandoned for quite some time. They’re coping very, very well and they can joke about it every time they see me. I think they kind of enjoy it actually, after all these years.

And soon, they’ll have to deal with me starting work. Some people ask me where I’m headed after I finish UiTM. I tell them I’m going to the AG’s Chambers. Some people question me on my choices because they feel that I shouldn’t put whatever limited talent I have to waste. Going to the AG’s Chambers may be a waste to some people. And that may only be because they fit the profile of a person who is cut and built for working in firms.

Having come from a family where both my parents began working as civil servants, they both have no objections to me beginning my career in the civil service. I do honestly want to try reading in Chambers (Chambering for 9 months) but somehow, my inclinations are otherwise. Reading in Chambers is just something I think about every now and then and I’m sure that my opportunities would come in different forms than those who work in the legal firms. I’m sure that something is made for everyone. It’s just a matter of time before we come to realise where our strengths lie. It’s only a matter of patience before we know what we really want out of this life.

I know money is a necessary evil. I will not deny that money is everything at this time and age. But sometimes, just sometimes, it isn’t. Mama always told me that I’d need a lot of patience working for the Government. She’s reminded me time and time again that I cannot expect to earn RM 6, 000 in the first year, like my friends probably would. And that’s because I wouldn’t be constantly graded like my friends would. And my merits won’t always be recognised because that’s just the way things work in the Government. She’s reminded me time and time again that there will be ass kissers who will climb the ladder a lot faster than me, who works hard and that the experience will be very, very frustrating and discouraging.

But PATIENCE is my middle name, no joking.

And looking at my own mother, I know that she is content. She’s never complained about her pay, which is pittance in comparison with her workload. She works longer hours than my dad, okay. But she’s just content because her children have never been admitted to the hospital, Alhamdulillah. We’ve always gotten good results. We are so tolerant of each other and so close-knit that other people gawk at the sight of us 3 siblings walking hand in hand in malls. We don’t run into the law or overly and inappropriately socialise with the wrong people. All in all, we’ve all just been pretty good. For her, that is more than she can ask for from Allah.

So, I know it may be a little bit un-ambitious of me to answer “I’ll go the AG’s Chambers after this”. But the time and opportunity will come for me to improve myself. And I’m sure that my incentives would come in different forms. I’ll just have to be content with whatever blessings I have and pray hard that the best will come my way, or that I cross the path which leads to the best.

p.s: Hadi, I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your question last night. I hope this post helps you in your thinking of possible options. I’m sure something out there is made for you, okay? :)

April 18, 2008

reckeless living

Okay. I wasn’t supposed to sleep nor doze off last night, but I did. I did wake up several times; once to brush my teeth, the second time to solat Isyak, and the last time to sleep on the edge of my bed. *I was lucky to have been given that opportunity* because before that I was sleeping on my table *at least my head was, that is*. This is example number 1 of my reckless living. I was supposed to be studying for my final test and my batteries just went flat after reading about documentary evidence *so boring and so many cases* which I ended up not memorising anyways. Thanks to the Evidence Act, I was able to scribble some answers in my answer script.

Then, after bathing and the daily morning coffee, Mami asked me whether I had paper. I was like, “yup, kenapa”. Then Mami told me that Nadnad needed paper and she was already in Shah Alam and that she forgot to bring hers. I was just about to offer some of mine and tadaa! Apparently, I don’t even have enough to make a whole booklet. I did not check?? How very reckless of me, especially that today is my Final Test! How dare of me not to check on the essentials. Haih...

We pushed off pretty early. It was about 8.07 a.m. when we left Baiduri compound for section 2 to buy some paper (for Mami, myself and Nadnad. Apparently all 3 of us forgot to check whether or not we had enough paper for the test). I won’t claim that I’m the most careful, alert and law-abiding road user and driver. I don’t think anyone can claim that for themselves. Of course there are times when I would drive in anger and tend to lose sight of things. But this doesn’t happen often, thank goodness. I give signals at junctions, I stay in the lane where I know that I have a right of way and basically, I’m quite careful on the road because there are several things which have become my phobia, 3 of which are pedestrians, motorcyclists and lorries.

Today, like any other day when I am heading towards section 2, I switched my signal on to turn to the left. I had switched it on the moment I came from the junction heading from Baiduri, it remained on when I was turning at the roundabout and I still had it on when something very tragic happened; a motor crossed into my lane, right in front of me as I was turning to the left. Okay, I don’t mean to over exaggerate matters and make it more serious than it really is, but the man on the motorcycle hit the divider of the road and flew into the air before landing on the patch of grass on the road divider.

I wanted to stop but there were too many cars. At the same time, I didn’t want the other motorists to think that it was a hit and run case because I did not hit the motorcycle at all. Because the moment I saw the motorcycle crossing into my lane, I swerved to the right instead of continuing to the left, for fear of his life and also mine. So, the cause of him flying into the air was not because my Kembara hit him, but because he had hit the divider of the road quite hard. Doesn’t that show that he was driving pretty fast, actually?

After I made a whole round, I came back to the spot where he was “terpelanting”. He was already up on his feet, Alhamdulillah for that because my worse fear then was that I had caused him his death, even if I was not the one who hit him. He looked quite shaken but hey, so was I. Now tell me who wouldn’t be? Another motorist had kindly stopped his car to have a look at the “terpelanting” man. I’m just so happy that he’s alive. I asked him if he needed anything and he told me that he needed a ride to the hospital. I wanted to help in that sense, but seriously I couldn’t because my test was just in ½ hours time at that time. How was I supposed to send him and get back to the exam hall in time? So, the other motorist offered to send the man to the hospital.

He didn’t ask for my name, nor did he take down any of my particulars. Mama said that it could be that he was feeling guilty too, for coming into my lane because that really was my right of way. Mami can justify because she was there. He told me that I was driving quite fast, and I gaped in awe. I do not drive fast. I think anyone who has been in a car with me can say for sure that the fastest so far that I’ve driven is at 100 km/h on the highway. Other than that, I’m pretty slow.

I didn’t take down his particulars either. But I know that he works at section 7. Babah told me to lodge a police report but Mama was against it. I don’t know which one to do or not to do. This is example number 2 of my reckless life. Though I must say that the recklessness on this point was not caused by me.

I won’t elaborate on the test. I guess it’s safe to say that it was just okay-okay lah. See, reckless living number 3. Dah tak heran dah sangat dengan test. But I did try my utmost best, okay.

Then, after the test, the most crucial moment; deciding where to eat. Seriously, I’m a sucker at this. Sometimes although I’m hungry, I don’t know where to eat. So, in the end, I just follow anyone who is eating anything or go back home and cook capati (instant one of course). Mami said she wanted to eat squid head and kam heong and rice. If you go to Charms at OU (or The Curve), you should really taste it. It seriously is very good, okay. And as usual, being very hungry, I gobbled almost everything up. And of course I had to pay quite a large sum for it. take that. Reckless living number 4.

Nowadays, I don’t care that much how much I spend on food. I think it’s justified that I treat myself on good food, good fun and good clothes. But why do I feel so guilty? Yet at the same time, I really like this reckless living; of not knowing for sure how much I have in my bank accounts because I’ve gotten tired of checking, rechecking and keeping track. Saya sangat letih ok.

Is my fun justified fun, or am I just living life away recklessly? I’m so confused. Ada ke orang rasa gulity for having fun?


*p.s. please don't confuse yourself. Mami and Mama are 2 different people :)

April 17, 2008

ni dia :)


random picture of last night's insomnia. at 2.30 a.m.

messy table. busy preparing for test. nampak tak dua benda cumil atas meja tu? and also satu balang chocolate given by my Mama dearest :)

bed yang bersepah. everything sleeps on it, but me.


tada! content of parcel number 1! cumil kan? i absolutely LOVE the details. so cantik. but being me, i'm so afraid i'm going to kotorkan. macam mana ni. takut nak pakai...

content of parcel number 2! equally nice kan! it's just so cute okay!

both side by side :)

but seriously, the terrible quality and pixels of my camera phone does not justify the beauty and cuteness of these clutches. i wish i had a better camera. but i don't so i'm just content.

thanks sayang for the presents! you made my day :)

budak excited ni

Saya dapat parcel today!!!!

And it’s been so long since I got a package from anyone for anything!

The last time was probably when I was in college when I forgot to bring my essentials *ehem ehem* which you don’t need to know what, and where Mama kindly posted together some chocolates and candy to make her daughter fatter. That was like years ago in college, okay.

I’ll post pictures of what I got soon, okay. I’m currently busy studying for my Final Test tomorrow. I’m loving it! (contents of parcel, not final test. Please don’t misunderstand, I haven’t gone coocoo yet)

Saya suka love saya. Ngee :)

April 15, 2008

asabiyah itu jahiliah. faham?

Sesungguhnya semangat asabiyah yang tidak dapat dikawal itulah yang telah menyebabkan kejatuhan masyarakat pada masa lampau. Sesungguhnya, mereka itulah yang jahil. Sekurang-kurangnya, pada zaman itu memang terdapat satu golongan yang maha jahil, jadi dalam erti kata kita, justified lah kejahilan itu. Tetapi, zaman sekarang ni pon ada orang yang jahil? Sekarang ni pon ada lagi orang yang bersemangat asabiyah yang melampau sehingga tidak terfikir apa perasaan orang lain bila mereka berkumpul satu kumpulan begitu dan menampakkan jurang yang tidak perlu ada pon sebenarnya.

Semua orang perlu ada semangat berkumpulan. Itu tidak dapat dinafikan lagi. Semua orang perlu belajar untuk bekerjasama dengan orang lain di dalam sesuatu kumpulan dan ini boleh dilakukan dengan berpegang kepada semangat setiakawan.

Akan tetapi, jika dah hingga melampaui batas-batas normal yang boleh diterima akal, tak ke buruk perangai tu? Dahlah semangat tak tentu pasal. Semangat tak apa lagi. Ini, semangat sampai melukakan hati orang lain. Semangat tak berpada sehingga cakap tentang perkara yang tak perlu dinyatakan pon. Semangat berkumpulan sehingga tidak boleh dan tidak MAHU bekerjasama dengan orang lain. Kalau macam itu, sila pergi ke sebuah pulau yang terpencil dan duduklah di sana sesama sendiri. Mungkin anda semua akan jadi lebih gembira begitu. Orang lain pon tak sakit hati.

Kadang-kadang saya rasa kesian kepada mereka yang tidak ada semangat asabiyah yang terlalu kuat, yang cuba juga untuk berbaik-baik dengan kaum lain di sekitar kawasan mereka. Apakan daya, nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. Tak boleh nak buat apa jika orang dah stereotype kumpulan itu dengan memberikan sesuatu gelaran atau pandangan yang fixed yang payah untuk diubah.

Dah lah tu asabiyah, sakitkan hati orang, sekarang saya dapat tahu tak mengenang budi pulak. Dah lah kamu tu buat palat dengan orang lain. Pun begitu, orang lain tetap sabar dan terus membantu bila apa-apa bantuan diperlukan oleh mereka. Dah orang tolong tu, tolong la senyap-senyap. Perlu ke nak mengutuk sana, mengutuk sini. Ni lagi satu; ni jer la aktiviti mereka Nampak gayanya. Mereka sentiasa mengutuk orang lain. Asyik-asyik kutuk. Benda kecik pon nak kutuk. Jadi macam mana lah orang lain tak marah dengan kamu orang. Asabiyah melampau, sakitkan hati orang, tak mengenang budi, what next? Tak puas hati lagi ke?

Memang tak dinafikan yang pandai semuanya datang dari kumpulan itu. Memang. Hebat mereka. Dalam pada mengutuk, mereka bekerja keras. Itu saya memang respect. Tapi kalau dah perangai buruk, hati asyik dengki nak mengutuk, semua nak marah-marah, tak puas hati, taknak bekerjasama dengan orang lain dari kaum sendiri, apalah gunanya kepandaian itu? Cuba katakan? Apalah gunanya kalau dikurniakan akal yang bijak tetapi pada masa yang sama tak menjaga hubungan sesame manusia.

Kalau ikutkan banyak lagi nak tulis. Pasal memang dah lama simpan. Hari ini, apa yang berlaku ialah, satu perkara telah datang ke pengetahuan saya dan itu yang telah menjadi “the straw that breaks the camel’s back”. In addition to perangai mereka seperti dinyatakan di atas, mereka juga kurang hormat pada orang lain. Bila orang lain buat palat, kerja diorang kutuk. Bila diorg buat palat tak apa agaknya?

Sudah. Saya taknak marah lagi. Letih hati ni nak dipujuk. Semuorang berperangai semakin teruk di penghujung semester ini sehingga tidak boleh diterima akal. Saya harap mereka realise bahawa asabiyah itulah yang telah menjadikan sesuatu masyarakat itu jahiliah. Jadi, hentikanlah. Berpada-pada sikit. Menang itu bukan segalanya. Pandai itu bukan segalanya. Segalanya tak ada guna jika siapa pon tak suka.

April 14, 2008


hey, look what I found. Don't you think that this picture is pretty! And the whole time I didn't realise that it was in my camera. I really like this picture! Cannot wait to see Abdul :)

suka tak puas hati. ish

I will not give up, I will not give up, I will not give up. Yes, I will not give up. It’s highly impossible to be all buoyed at this point, but I will not give up. (Psyching oneself really isn’t easy at all).

I just got back from lunch. It was fun. Many things discussed about and some things were pretty serious stuff but still, it was fun.

So, I really don’t get it when people make a big fuss about the definition of fun. I really don’t get it why people want to dispute stupid stuff and are dissatisfied with EVERYTHING, regardless of what. Sometimes, I get the impression that these kinds of people are merely raising issues to challenge whatever somebody else is saying. No matter how good somebody else’s suggestion, they just HAVE to challenge it.

Well, good luck to you in the real world out there. You may never get things to go your way ever again after this with that kind of attitude.

Okay. No more stressing out.

We’re all supposed to go to a farewell dinner tonight. But due to some dissatisfactions raised by the “batch”, it was called off. I’m kind of sad. I had been planning on what to wear for quite some time now since some of the things I bought from my shopping spree in Sg. Wang earlier this year have yet been worn. I’m really just looking for a reason to dress up. But since it’s been called off, I’ll have to find some other reason to wear something nice.

There’s a futsal tournament between classes tomorrow and I thought I wanted to jog a few days before. But... haha.. Who wakes up early during weekends? I really don’t know. So, haven’t been able to gain stamina. To compensate, I’m going to go and make pompoms now.

Took loads of pictures today. Will upload them later. Taa~~

April 12, 2008

of marriage, please shut up.

You see, I very seldom nag about a “certain something”. Besides the fact that there are not many people to whom I can nag to, there isn’t any point in nagging about this “certain something” to begin with. It bears no fruit; so basically, it ends up being a waste of saliva.

I think very highly of marriage. I love going to weddings and I love looking at wedding photos. I even have a favourite wedding photo. (Here, while you’re at it, visit this www.blog.candidsyndrome.com ). Particularly the wedding of Aliza and Wan at Petaling Jaya, 30th March. I know where to search for wedding cards though I have not an inkling of where good tailors are to make a good pair of baju nikah or whatever.

The thing is, I know because I just want to know. I don’t talk about it to Abdul and I’m sure he can verify. I didn’t want to write about this initially but now that the matter has become somewhat a discussion in the YM world of someone else, I think that it’s necessary that I raise this point.

Some time earlier this year, I got a “calling”. I’m not sure how much the rest of you believe in “callings” but I trust them because they seldom come to me and they often come to me unexpectedly.

The calling said, “HANISA, IT’S TIME THAT YOU GET MARRIED”

After that, I made a call. To Abdul. I told him what I felt.

As far as I am concerned, in the past 3 years with him, I have never raised this issue. I have been brought up well enough to not make promises which I cannot keep. Thus, I have never promised to marry him. I have never promised him the children he wants. All I have done is tell him that “when the time comes, I will say yes” and “Allah willing, we would become an entity when the right time comes”. And I am very sure too that Abdul will verify on this point.

His reaction to my reaction to the “calling”? ... was laughter. Abdul laughed.

At first I took it quite hard. I couldn’t believe he laughed. After all, I was talking about something serious, wasn’t I? But on retrospect and after alot of do’a, I just came to the realisation that he was not ready. And most importantly, I was not to push him on the matter until he was ready. He did tell me later that there were alot of things to consider about marriage. And of course, for the both of us, money is an issue, seeing that we both are not filthy rich.

And being a very strong person, I pushed my “calling” away and pretended that it never happened. He’ll verify that I never raised the issue of marriage or wedding cards or dresses or kenduri after that. Not of our marriage, anyway. If “our prospective marriage” ever became a topic of our discussion, I can be sure that I was not the initiator. There was no point on pressing the issue anyways.

When all is well and dandy, people ask Abdul when he’s going to get married. As to his reply, please read www.boxefreak.blogspot.com yourself. I’m sure it’s hidden somewhere between the lines.

The point is, just please stop asking him when he’s going to get married. It doesn’t stress him out, it doesn’t piss him off. But it makes him give you all the easiest answer that comes to his mind which is “I don’t want to get married”.

Now, if you were told by your bf that he didn’t want to get married, what would you feel? If he told you that he flirted and that he was not ready to commit, what would you feel?

I can bet you a hundreds of millions that you wouldn’t feel good about it.

So please just stop fucking asking him that “question”. It makes him think about things of all sorts which he wasn’t thinking about constantly or consciously. It was all just going fine because we were taking things as they came. People say; go with the flow so I go with the flow. I haven’t been thinking much about us berumahtangga and what not crap, so stop thinking for us because we are not thinking. I may be ready, but that’s only because I’m the girl. Girls think about these things. And my friends are getting married, so of course I’m thinking about these things because they tell me about marriage and clothes and albums and all sorts of things.

Just don’t ask him anymore because he’s NOT READY. Good for you that you’re ready and that you have enough resources to get married, but we DON’T, so enough already.

Are you guys happy now that I’ve said it out loud.

Just stop asking us when because we DON’T KNOW.

Just stop asking because I bet that YOU DIDN’T KNOWWHEN IT WOULD BE YOUR TURN EITHER.

So, enough already.

April 11, 2008

I’m stressed out about one pimple because it’s been a while since I had a break out. I think I’m high on coffee and that I am overly dependent on it, so I thought of looking up the adverse effects of coffee on the internet.

There have been many studies over the years dealing with caffeine and human health. These studies have looked at the potential adverse effects of caffeine in such areas as:

  • general toxicity (e.g., muscle tremors, nausea, irritability);

I become irritated in the morning if I don’t get my coffee because I wouldn’t be able to concentrate in Warren’s class without it.

No nausea, except when I have a temperature and when I’m recovering from fever.

  • cardiovascular effects (e.g., heart rate, cholesterol, blood pressure);

I just went for a check-up and the doctor told me that my blood pressure is normal (shocking!) because I have a history of blacking out at times.

  • effects on calcium balance and bone health (e.g., bone density, risk of fractures);

I get cramps once in a while because of lack milk and when I walk too much non-stop.

  • behavioural effects in both adults and children (e.g., anxiety, mood changes, attentiveness);

Hmm. I have mood swings with or without Nescafe. Not applicable.

  • potential links to cancer; and

Erm? Touchwood.

  • effects on reproduction (e.g., male and female fertility, birth weight)

I don’t know. I don’t have children yet. But my menstrual cycles are very, very consistent. So, I really am not worried.

Quit caffeine? No, never perhaps. Not even when caffeine has forced itself on my shirt causing me to have to wear my sleeveless in class (with my jacket on top, of course). And all this when Datuk Zaid Ibrahim is coming in like ½ hour? Haish.

saya busan

Actually, I don’t have class. So, I don’t know why in the first place I came into campus because the internet connection at home is better. At least I can log into friendster. But maybe that’s the reason why I came to class, if not I’ll be busy editing this and that. And besides, our lecturer decided to come to class just not to break the news about our marks. I’m so happpyyy!!! All our good work not gone down to waste. Very, very nice!

We’re all watching 27 dresses right now. it’s great that the School put a flat screen computer in class, now we get to watch free movies, with free keropok sponsored by Natrah. I absolutely LOVE Katherine Heigl okay. She’s very, very pretty and a good actress too. And dear old James Marsden is very handsome. He actually looks like Abdul (ha’ah la. New discovery :) ) And I want all her dresses (apart from those which are way, way too short. Ngee) At the same time, I’m trying to get my OP done. Mr. N came to class to check on whether or not we’ve done our OP already. Sibuk.

And I’m high on caffeine right now or is it sugar I’m high on? Either way, I have a headache, but I’m high. Ngee. I’m not making sense I know. Yesterday saw me in 2 trials at once. Defendant for the morning session and plaintiff for evening session. It’s pretty confusing but all in good fun, I guess.

I don’t know what I’m blabbering about. Can’t wait for next Saturday to end! Weeeee ~~~ after that I’ll be a free girl (apart from final exams, of course).

Til I have something better to blabber about :) good day

April 09, 2008

gatal

I’m in the office and its lunch hour. No more classes on Tuesday afternoon thanks to the ever efficient and effective Tuan Lee. I just finished watching Nancy Drew which to me was really good. Hihi. And I’m currently working on several things at a time, because as you can see, I have more to do than I can handle. But all is fine. It’s all going to end soon and all I have to do is be patient.

I have RM 5 more credit to sell before I reload the new batch, so please, somebody buy some credit from me because I intentionally came to class late just to reload my Mymode, okay. Okay, probably I’m talking Greek to some of you, but just in case you didn’t know, I sell credit nowadays, Celcom and Maxis and the business is doing pretty well, Alahmdulillah.

The thing is, now I’m worried that once I start work, I’ll be out of business because no one uses credit anymore because I’m sure everyone will start using fixed lines by then. So, please, anyone interested to take over this business, please do contact me for further info on how you can be registered to sell credit. It’s really not that difficult.

Natrah just gave me a good idea on what to write. Lately, I’ve just been out of things to write about, not because I don’t have anything to write about, it’s just that my writing skills have gone on hiatus temporarily. I’m going to talk about our beloved Lord Warren. Lord Warren who meets us almost on a daily basis, who dates with us on weekends and whose paper I have not been scoring for despite the fact that we have the most contact hours. Argh. Sungguh stress.

I don’t know how to make him faster. No doubt that he is the most knowledgeable person I’ve known so far, but his execution is a far cry from effective. I’m stressed out just thinking about him and his subject. The fact that dia pilih bulu is another irritating fact. I don’t know why I’m wasting my breath just talking about all this.

By the way, Abdul is not very well. But he’s doing okay now. I haven’t had the chance to talk to him yet but I guess I will soon. I don’t know what I’m babbling about. I have to stop. I need to get my OP done.

jadual waktu

It’s the final week and formal education will end soon. At this point in time, all I can say is that there is an ungodly jumble in my head and likewise in the office. To begin with, let’s list down all I have to do for all of us to see the state of everybody’s head right now.


8.4.2008

6.00- 10.30 p.m. : EIC of 2 PWs (Magisterial Skills)


9.4.2008

2.00-5.00 p.m. : Cross Examination of 2 DWs

6.00-8.30 p.m. : Cross Examination of 2 DWs (Magisterial Skills)


10.4.2008

2.00 p.m. : Submit Family File III

2.30 p.m. : Datuk Zaid Ibrahim’s visit


11.4.2008

3.00 p.m. : Submit OP


12.4.2008

12.00-3.00 p.m. : Evidence Final Test


13.4.2008

9.00-10.30 a.m. : Advanced Civil Proc. II Test III


14.4.2008

10.30a.m.-1.30 p.m. : EIC of 2 DWs and RE


15.4.2008

8.30a.m. : Submissions for Mock Trial


28.4.2008 – 9.5.2008 : Final Exams


See, I told you there’s a lot on everybody’s minds. It’s quite a lot to handle you know.

And I don’t know. Sometimes the workload just gets to me. I’m trying not to let it get to me but it just is. So, I’m trying to keep my head level.

Just wish me luck, there’s a week more to go or so. And a month more until the exams end.

I just need some strength to go through these last few days and I need all the luck in the world.


Rela ku menunggumu, seribu tahun lama lagi... tapi benarkah hidup aku kan selama ini?

Biar berputar, utara selatan, ku tak putus harapan, sedia setia...

Rela ku mengejarmu, seribu batu jauh lagi... tapi benarkan kaki ku kan tahan sepanjang jalan ini?