You see, I very seldom nag about a “certain something”. Besides the fact that there are not many people to whom I can nag to, there isn’t any point in nagging about this “certain something” to begin with. It bears no fruit; so basically, it ends up being a waste of saliva.
I think very highly of marriage. I love going to weddings and I love looking at wedding photos. I even have a favourite wedding photo. (Here, while you’re at it, visit this www.blog.candidsyndrome.com ). Particularly the wedding of Aliza and Wan at Petaling Jaya, 30th March. I know where to search for wedding cards though I have not an inkling of where good tailors are to make a good pair of baju nikah or whatever.
The thing is, I know because I just want to know. I don’t talk about it to Abdul and I’m sure he can verify. I didn’t want to write about this initially but now that the matter has become somewhat a discussion in the YM world of someone else, I think that it’s necessary that I raise this point.
Some time earlier this year, I got a “calling”. I’m not sure how much the rest of you believe in “callings” but I trust them because they seldom come to me and they often come to me unexpectedly.
The calling said, “HANISA, IT’S TIME THAT YOU GET MARRIED”
After that, I made a call. To Abdul. I told him what I felt.
As far as I am concerned, in the past 3 years with him, I have never raised this issue. I have been brought up well enough to not make promises which I cannot keep. Thus, I have never promised to marry him. I have never promised him the children he wants. All I have done is tell him that “when the time comes, I will say yes” and “Allah willing, we would become an entity when the right time comes”. And I am very sure too that Abdul will verify on this point.
His reaction to my reaction to the “calling”? ... was laughter. Abdul laughed.
At first I took it quite hard. I couldn’t believe he laughed. After all, I was talking about something serious, wasn’t I? But on retrospect and after alot of do’a, I just came to the realisation that he was not ready. And most importantly, I was not to push him on the matter until he was ready. He did tell me later that there were alot of things to consider about marriage. And of course, for the both of us, money is an issue, seeing that we both are not filthy rich.
And being a very strong person, I pushed my “calling” away and pretended that it never happened. He’ll verify that I never raised the issue of marriage or wedding cards or dresses or kenduri after that. Not of our marriage, anyway. If “our prospective marriage” ever became a topic of our discussion, I can be sure that I was not the initiator. There was no point on pressing the issue anyways.
When all is well and dandy, people ask Abdul when he’s going to get married. As to his reply, please read www.boxefreak.blogspot.com yourself. I’m sure it’s hidden somewhere between the lines.
The point is, just please stop asking him when he’s going to get married. It doesn’t stress him out, it doesn’t piss him off. But it makes him give you all the easiest answer that comes to his mind which is “I don’t want to get married”.
Now, if you were told by your bf that he didn’t want to get married, what would you feel? If he told you that he flirted and that he was not ready to commit, what would you feel?
I can bet you a hundreds of millions that you wouldn’t feel good about it.
So please just stop fucking asking him that “question”. It makes him think about things of all sorts which he wasn’t thinking about constantly or consciously. It was all just going fine because we were taking things as they came. People say; go with the flow so I go with the flow. I haven’t been thinking much about us berumahtangga and what not crap, so stop thinking for us because we are not thinking. I may be ready, but that’s only because I’m the girl. Girls think about these things. And my friends are getting married, so of course I’m thinking about these things because they tell me about marriage and clothes and albums and all sorts of things.
Just don’t ask him anymore because he’s NOT READY. Good for you that you’re ready and that you have enough resources to get married, but we DON’T, so enough already.
Are you guys happy now that I’ve said it out loud.
Just stop asking us when because we DON’T KNOW.
Just stop asking because I bet that YOU DIDN’T KNOWWHEN IT WOULD BE YOUR TURN EITHER.
So, enough already.