September 15, 2008

yeah, sue me.

There’s this thing about life; some people don’t deserve what they have and there are some people so deserving of all the good things yet they still don’t get what they deserve.

A few weeks back, I spent the weekend at one of the Smarties’ house. She’ll know who she is. We were talking about life, marriage (yes, a favourite topic no one can run away from) and work. And we were also talking about people and how some never change.

There’s this person we thought had changed. Because in all honesty, for an entire year, I too thought that she had become a better person. Yeah, I know I’m not even bothering to keep her anonymous, so be it. Sue me.

Sometimes, it’s very hard to understand why some people don’t change. It’s even more difficult to understand why things always, always, come easy for people like this who make life living hell for others. Like the fact that some people get attached to a loyal, rich and stable boyfriend when in actual fact, they lie in their boyfriends’ faces and flirt and hover and practically flaunt their assets for all other guys to see behind their boyfriends’ backs. And sometimes right under their boyfriends’ noses.

It’s also very difficult to understand why some more deserving girls always end up with jerks who don’t appreciate their girlfriends and who don’t stay around long enough to see their beauty which does not necessarily emanate from the fact that they are Miss Universe.

And it’s difficult to understand, why the majority of people just can’t be happy for other people although they look like they pretty much own the world.

It’s hard isn’t it looking at something thinking that “oh, that could have been mine.” It must be tough wondering what was in for you when you left it there and now it belongs to someone else you might never know (not without putting up a fight anyways). I wish you all would have thought of that before you did whatever you did. I wish you all stayed around a tad bit longer to see the beauty within, and not just flee the moment you got whatever you were out to get in the first place.

A thousand things have happened in the span of nearly a good 42 months. And not everything has been good. Just like you, I’m wondering too; did you all stick through all of it, through thick and thin, through his best and his worst to be able to say for sure that you love him… unconditionally.

Would you still be here after all that had happened; in spite of all that had happened like I stayed? Would you have minded being with the person he was and patiently waited for the person he has become and now is? Would you have stayed?

And the other thing is, would you still be happy in the relationship if he didn’t buy you a Guess watch? Would you still be happy if he didn’t bring you on holidays to Genting? Yes, I’m getting personal. Sue me. Would you have remained content if the only happiness came from seeing him safe after his long journey and playing bingo after dinner? Would you have been willing to hold his hand at the hospital? Would you still be there by his side if you went to visit him and he told you he wouldn’t be able to have lunch with you 2 days straight because of a job commitment? Are you sure that your love is still that unconditional?

I have a favourite picture of him. But it’s not one with me in it, but with one of you. It’s no longer publicly displayed, yet it’s perpetually stuck in my head. He looks really happy in it. It’s as if his eyes are dancing and the only thing on his mind was how much he loves the girl in his arms.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen those eyes dancing like that ever again. But I’m still here with him despite it all. And simply because I can say with conviction that I love him and not for any reason but just because. I’m still here though he may never love the way he loved all of you again. And maybe, just maybe you could be happy for me now. Now that you know I can never match up to what you were to him.


After all, happiness is subjective.

1 comment:

abduls said...

sue me,

i am a bad boy for life! :)