kosong.

a few weeks back, i met someone from my past.
he was complaining about... well, the normal; his dad.
i told my mom about it and she told me to stay away from losers.
the thing is, i don't think i'm any much different from him in that sense because i complain on a daily basis (about something) too, though i might not whine to everyone about it.

but let's just say i don't mind being a loser for now, okay? so that i can at least let this out. this heavy, heavy load inside.

i feel empty; no, even that is an understatement. i feel dead.

do you know what i want to do right now? because if you do, please tell me since i have no idea what i want to do right now.
the last few weeks have been pretty tormenting for me. because i suddenly realised that i was comparing life in Uni with life at work. and working life pales tremendously in comparison to Uni life. the life back then was living life.

now, i'm just going through the motions.

there are so many things i want to do now, yet i don't know what's stopping me. no, actually, i know what's stopping me. and if you knew me well enough, you'd probably know too.

i miss my own time. does that make sense? how much more selfish can i be, aite? but, no. i think of it as a need that is now a pressing necessity.

i like space. i need to breathe.
without it, i recoil and become more reserved than i would like to. more than i intend to.
some people are already starting to think something's really wrong with me.

well, something is. feeling dead is a big problem right?

all i want is: time to think. but i've had too much thinking time.
now all i want is a big camera and a ticket to send me off somewhere so that i can think more.

so irrelevant. i know.