February 08, 2012

In my mind...

... I am still able to play futsal, I am not kidding you. In fact, I have not unsubscribed myself from the Ampang Sports Planet mailing list because I so long to play futsal again.

... I am still very capable of doing some sort of lompat bintang. Biarlah bergegar bumi sekalipun.

... I am still very much capable of going up flights of stairs if I get bored of waiting for the elevator to arrive.

... I am still able to sleep well at night on my back.

... I am still very agile.

... I can go from one place/event to another in a day and not feel tired.

But wait... What’s this niggling backache?

... Is that CRACKED HEELS I SEE?

... Why do I feel my hips swish-swishing against each other when I walk?

... Why do I wake up so suddenly in the middle of the night, totally out of breath, just because I am lying flat on my back?

... Why am I so drowsy?

... And why does everyone forbid me from jumping around?

Because believe it or not, people care for you, you dimwit. *internal monologue*

In my head, I am so many things, and yet, the reality is that physically, I am nothing that I am in my head. Confusing much?

You may perceive me as being in denial, and I don’t really mind if you do. I know for a fact that I am not in denial. Quite to the contrary, I am very aware of this whole pregnancy, and I am consciously trying not to leverage on being “disabled”.

But there’s only so much you can do when your body starts giving you signs that you are exhausting all your resources and that you need to preserve as much energy as you possibly could before your child comes.

I realise that it’s good to have a certain level of mental strength to keep me going from one day to another, but I guess it’s also better to finally give in to the fact that I need to slow down, physically.

I really need to slow down.

8 weeks to go and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

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