August 25, 2010

some faith.

I assume… that even the most hardcore of atheists in the world need some kind of faith to hold on to. Even if it meant they believed in science, instead of any other religion.

I think it’s rampant – that people only think of God in times of adversity. It’s as if it takes a whole load of energy to remember God all the time. Now how wrong does that sound?

It’s really bad.

Once, my dad told me that rezeki doesn’t always come in monetary terms. It hit me real bad the other day when my dad told me over sahur that the rezeki is not actually ours, but Allah’s. Allah can decide to give and retract, as and when It sees fit. Sometimes, you feel like you’ve done everything you could to please God and still, It takes away what you thought should be yours. And yet, there are times when you feel like you are so undeserving of the rezeki you got, if weighed with the wrong you did, but it still comes to you anyway.

That, my friends, is called “dugaan” - a test of whether you will further pray to God for forgiveness or get carried away with your rezeki, thinking that there’s really no one you should be thankful to.

I don’t know what prompted me to write this today, but I was perhaps saddened with my own Ramadan attitude this year. Saddened that I am thinking of Allah this often (not that I don’t think of Allah at all, please don’t get me wrong), now that I am sick. Down with flu, slight fever and an itchy throat.

I consider my puasa this month a complete failure so far. Such a waste, don’t you think so? I think I’m one of those people whom have gained merely hunger and thirst and a lot of fatigue yet, failed to gain all those free points God has given so generously.

I make excuses, I’m lazy, I’ve been (way too) angry, I’ve gossiped and I’ve become so complacent.

Last year, when we were tested, we prayed so hard. We talked about God as often as we breathed and it was calming. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t bitter, I wasn’t sick. I was constantly with do’a. I was so, so calm.

I told you, this year is different. And it’s really, really bad.

But I’ve got 15 more days to repent before I look back on this year and regret.

If you're like me, it's really not too late to start. Or is it?

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)


Melissa said...

I definitely can relate to you on this.
And I believe it's still not too late to chase after all the free pahala. InshaAllah. :)

freespirited12 said...

insyaAllah :)

happy ramadan to you dear :)

tmc said...

it is too late to dig a well when your dying of thirst (Japanese proverb)

Ramadhan's not over yet! so its still not too late insyaAllah:)

i love this post, kakak! thx for the lovely reminder *hugss*
ramadhan mubarak:)

freespirited12 said...

thnk you timmc!

insyaAllah :)

*hugs you right back!*