"wrong" thoughts.

I read a lot of blogs. And when I mean a lot, I mean it.

I'm one of those people who don't link anyone, not because I don't read anyone else, but rather, because I did it once before and when I changed my blog template, I lost them all. And never really found the drive to find those links and link them again.

But that doesn't stop me from reading other people because after frequenting their blogs for so long, I've committed their addresses to memory.

I noticed that these days, if any blog post is anything more than 2 paragraphs, people will not read it.

Unless it is about your wedding, your fight/sweet moment with your husband, some scandal or gossip or about your baby/kids or if you're filthy rich and famous and well, the occasional tips gets some hits as well.

I would know. From the number of responses I get from my entries, I know that that is the blogging trend in Malaysia.

When I began blogging in 2004, I wrote about everything. Everything that I did, everything that I said, everything that I felt. It was kind of a no-holds barred situation, where I trusted my blog enough to keep my deepest darkest secrets. Just like you, you and you. Yes you – whose blogs I frequent.

Nowadays though, I have become a lot more... cryptic?

I don't know why. Oh, wait. I DO know why, who am I joking.

It's like this.

When I read other people, I tend to think that they trash other people too openly. Or that they are too emotional. Or that whatever it is that they decided to write is too personal and not suitable for all audiences. Or repetitive. Or that their writings concentrate too much on a certain subject matter and so, I tend to think that that is all their live revolves around. Or that they are trying so hard to emulate other people's lifestyles to a point of being superficial and fake. Or that some people think that the world revolves around them, and them only. Or...

Well, I think you get my drift don't you?

In the end, there are only so little blogs that you can really read with respect. The rest? Well, as for the rest, I only have repect for their dilligence in updating ever so frequently, no matter how mindless or unnecessary those updates are.

Point is that when I read others' blogs, there are bloggers who I want to be and who I don't want to be like.

And that got me thinking – why am I being so judgmental about other people's blogs?

After all, the rest of you, you and you also signed up for free with Blogger, agreed to abide by the terms and conditions and well, if I don't like your blog so much, I did have the option of not visiting you, right?

So I thought, it's not impossible that out there in the "blogosphere", at least one more person feels the way I do. And I won't be suprised if some bloggers/readers out there think that I'm not a good blogger too (judging from the reactions I get to my entries - which is close to none).

But because we're human, we continue visiting those we don't like. And judge some more.

In the end, the most basic human needs are translated through our writings.

We want to be liked/loved/accepted by society. No matter how much we say we don't care what other people think about us, it's the truth isn't it? That's why sometimes we write what we think other people want to read so that we would continously get good reactions from our audience, when we're not really just what we write.

We (women especially) love to share. We want people to know where we live, what we bought, what we cooked, where we went. Even if people didn't react to it, we would want them to KNOW that we have those things, bought those things, did those things. That we have a life of some sort.

We (Malaysians, especially) love gossip. We love food. We love weddings. We love love. We love conflict. Nothing else. This is also reflected in the "Most Read Links" of online local newspapers. Don't believe me? Try visit TheStar for once.

We love to bash other people openly and we love it when some stranger bashes that person as well, without knowing head and tail of the story. Because sometimes, when we say it out loud, no one entertains those thoughts. Worst still, the people we tell them to condemn us or asks us the other side of the story, which we are of course, reluctant to tell. So, when we write, we approve comments which are in our favour because that makes us feel good.

I can list a whole load of things, but that'll do for now.

What I can say is that whatever our reasons for blogging are... we must do so with prudence. And caution. We don't know who is reading - and they could be your friend; they could be your foes. Yes, foes with an (s) at the back.

People might comment and say nice things on your blog and you feel like you've known them since forever! And while in some cases, Cyber Friends can turn out to be better friends than your real friends are... but some... well, some are two-faced and so, you never know if they genuinely care for you or if they are just being nice because you don't know who they really are.

I actually wrote this because sometimes, I feel like whatever I write doesn't reach anyone or like no one can really relate to me the way I can relate to their stories. See? I said it myself. I feel like in the blog world, I don't write what people want to read. And to think that I never really minded about this before, it's weird that I do now.

I'm not so fashionable.

I don't share my most private thoughts or activities.

I don't have that many tips.

I'm not much of a -zilla, be it a bride or a mom-to-be or a girl-zilla (if there is such a term).

I don't write much in BM because when I do, I write like I talk and it ain't that pretty. And the whole point of me writing in English is so that I don't lose that skill.

I'm not rich or lavish.

I don't eat out much or visit that many places or go to many events.

So, you see. I never used to feel bad about those things because to me, my blog reflects my thoughts and I shouldn't care about whether or not people liked what I write or that there are any people reading to begin with.

But after a while, when you feel like you've been talking to yourself for much too long. Well, you start thinking that maybe you're doing it all wrong.

And crave for some kind of recognition of existence in a world so volatile, you don't even know why you crave it. And to think that I have everything to be thankful for.

The WorldWideWeb is indeed a weird place to be in. Very weird indeed.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)