On your mark

at 24 weeks

Get set.


Where to? Nowhere really. I was just intrigued by my colleague’s question,

“Did you plan your pregnancy?”

Because no one has asked me that directly before.

My answer? Simple.

Jaga, bukan plan.” Not a no, not a yes.

Because truth is, we did really jaga. How? I don’t think my husband would appreciate me divulging our married life details on the world wide web. But discussions about children came even before we got married. As with many other things in our marriage.

We both love children. Okay, tipu. My husband is nuts about kids. Me? Not so much but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want them at all. I wanted children and have always had a lifelong dream of becoming a mother.

But nuts or not so nuts about children, we both agreed we’d wait for a while. Though we have been dating for quite some time, we both knew that things would be different. For better or for worse, we didn’t know. But we needed some time to ourselves. No, actually, we wanted that time. Just to be together, just the 2 of us.

Yes. It may seem very selfish. It may even seem ungrateful to not want children ASAP. Because what did they say about children being rezeki and all that jazz? And trust me, I do believe that children bring with them rezeki. But as with many other things in life, I am also very realistic about having children.

Bottom line is that I wanted it to be made with love. And most importantly, I wanted us BOTH to be ready. But be wary that readiness is a state of mind, which is highly subjective. Some people embrace getting pregnant immediately. Others, often caught by utter surprise although it is completely natural to get knocked up. Yes?

And I didn’t want to belong to that group of people who were caught by surprise although I know that it is completely natural to get knocked up. And the state of readiness (for the both of us at least) is a domino effect. If I was okay with it, my husband would be as well, vice versa.

To be honest, when I first found out that I was pregnant, the first thing that came to my mind was?


Silly, I know. But true story. That was the first thing that I thought about because I seriously wanted to go up Broga again.

And with that, I became a little bit unsure of how I felt about the baby. Really, I am not kidding you. All because of Broga.

Being someone who is naturally active, I was upset I could no longer carry on with those activities. I wondered if I would miss jogging, futsal, climbing hills and main kejar-kejar, even (which I do, actually). I know it’s silly, but to a new mother to be, these are things which crossed my mind. What do I do with all that energy?

But, whatever feelings and doubts I felt soon dissolved. Because when I discovered I was pregnant, I was most certainly... READY. WE were ready. At least a lot more ready than we were when we were 1 month married or even when we were 6 months married. I think we both really appreciated the 8-month gap we had before we found out I was pregnant.

And with readiness, came the sweet embrace of joy, joy and more joy.

What could be more joyous that having someone growing inside you? What could be more amazing than having someone constantly moving inside you and giving you signs on whether your body can withstand something or not? What could be more mind-blowing than knowing that you are carrying a person made out of so much love and that such a love existed even before you even met that person, in person?

So yes, to me, being pregnant is amazing. And it’s even more amazing because we were ready. Really ready. It’s almost as if it’s perfect timing, thanks to Allah who granted our prayers.

My take on it is that it may be your children together, but bottom line is that it’s your body. The change in mindset and adjustment in lifestyle is for the both of you of course, but bottom line is that you’re going to experience it firsthand. Don't be afraid to discuss it with your partner. 

And most importantly, don’t feel obligated to explain why you decided to have children immediately or not.

Remember, it's all about you, firsthand.

So really, you set that mark.

With Allah’s will, of course.


All I can say is that I am thankful for the perfect timing. Alhamdulillah. Again and again and again.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)


dinashuz said…
Haneesa. to be honest, i miss our 'just the 2 of us time'. with baby in d picture, it is impossible to do anything these days. altho not all the time but most of the time. somehow im thankful dat i got to spend a year plus being just d 2 of us before baby zabi aydan was born. so enjoy dear!!! baby's gonna change ur life completely. romantically. physically. hehehe
Haneesa said…
I m so glad i'm not the only one feeling this. Most ppl tell me jgn tolak rezeki and i always smile when people say this. I dun think of it as tolak rezeki. Tapi, kalau tak ready mentally, physically and financially, it's actually more kesian to bring the child into our lives in that condition bukan? I always think about it from the perspective of the child, esp. when I encounter orang yang betul-betul tak mampu nak kawen, apatah lagi nak ada anak. The child didn't choose to come into this world, so i figured i had better be really ready when i finally brought it here.

tapi to each their own. i yang belum ada baby pun know that things will change and it makes me go emotional.

glad that we are still having some of the best times of our life as a couple though. i m really glad we both are ready.

and your lil' boy really is a heartbreaker :)

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