all grown up

Unlike most of you, this year, I didn’t feel the “Ramadan kick”. At first I thought it strange. In fact, I thought it was so strange, I began analyzing what I have been doing all year long leading to Ramadan. Thought that maybe I could find out why I felt so... removed.

Then, last night, it hit me.

I had just... grown up. It was actually that simple.

I don’t have any food cravings (at least not yet). Didn’t feel like eating anything in particular, like when I was little and was allowed to choose anything I wanted to reward myself for fasting a full day. I always chose M&M’s, by the way. Generally, the excitement (about food, particularly) seemed to have dissipated with time.

And I love Ramadan (and food that comes with the month), so you can imagine my worry.

But as much as I attribute my enthusiasm (or my lack of it) to my growing up, I know that it’s partly got to do with the fact that this is the very first year I am embracing it with a husband. I know I should be excited, but I’m more anxious than excited.

Like how I’m constantly thinking about what I am capable of feeding the man (my husband) for sahur, especially. Waking up for sahur, to me is a small feat. But preparing sahur? That makes me part of a different league altogether I think.

Or how I’m constantly thinking of whether I would have the time to cook? Or how much I should cook. Or how much I should buy, or if I should buy at all? I know. These are such silly things that I shouldn’t even be bothered about seeing that there are so many options these days, but it fills my mind with so much doubt, so much so it is hard to ignore.

Or how I’m going to take performing solat tarawikh, which is not in Masjid Taqwa TTDI since I have gotten so accustomed to going there since I could remember. To hearing the voice of the imam there, which almost always made me calm.

Fine. Most of those thoughts are about food too, I know. But it’s just in such a different way, don’t you think?

I know that I’ll get a hang of this soon. I always do. But for now, rest assured that I will be cooking chicken tonight and that husband of mine has requested what he wants for today’s iftar, sahur and tomorrow’s iftar.

At least one of us is excited, ey? ;)

I noticed that this seems to happen on alternate years, for some unfathomable reason. One year I’m an excited monkey, the next I’m stoned. But I know we’ll all be fine, insyaAllah.

Selamat menyambut bulan Ramadan to all out there.


May we find peace and calmness always :)

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