November 14, 2013

Missus Nice Guy.

That is who I no longer am. 

I remember once upon a time ago, when I just started working, I was so eager to please that I did everything people told me to. These days, though I'm still eager to please, I've learned to choose my battles. Some things just ain't worth it. 

You know, back in those days, people would tell me I'm wrong and I would admit that I'm wrong even though there was a huge part of me that rebelled, wanting so badly to say otherwise. I let people tell me that I'm wrong to the point where I began to accept that Number 1 - I'm wrong; and Number 2 - even if the person telling me off was wrong, Rule Number 1 still applied. 

While it worked for the longest time and got me out of situations which could have probably erupted into full-blown arguments of some sort, little did I know that the people evaluating me branded that trait as "timid", when in fact, all I was being was courteous

I felt so misunderstood, and to be honest, at a point, I was almost sorry for myself.

Then, I stopped.

I came to realise that I was such a pushover.

People would ask me all kinds of favours, from the silliest ones to the bigger ones and I always had such a hard time saying no. 

After I realised how wrong I portrayed myself, I became sterner about my stand. 

If it was your meeting and you don't have anything pressing on your plate, deal with it.

If you have guests to entertain but you aren't fond of entertaining, don't get me involved just because I'd be pleasant with them.

If I had submitted my part of the work, I stopped covering up for other slacking team members because I was just so tired of picking up half-baked products from other people's ovens, so to speak. 

I know it seems mean, but of course, in writing, I can't and probably won't ever tell you what my key considerations are when I say no. 

Thing is, as mean as it may seem, I kind of like the new Hanisa.

And with some empowerment (which I have the privilege of experiencing at the moment), I feel even better since I can now call some shots, PROVIDED ALWAYS that I have taken sufficient steps to deliver the best. 

I'm writing this not because I want you to know how mean and hard and cold I've become, no. 

I'm writing this so that all the pushovers out there know that it isn't too late to push back. 

Took me nearly 3 decades to learn, but hey, better late than never.

I was Missus Nice Guy and this is my story.

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