October 23, 2013

the one about tough love.

When I discovered that I was having a baby, I remember how determined I was to train him to sit in his car seat, for safety’s sake. Of course, my mom, having babied us all up until now, thought otherwise. After each visit, my plans of putting Luqman into his car seat would inevitably be squashed because she would ask me, “Taknak peluk baby ke? Sian dia.” And I would always end up cuddling up to my baby (who by the way is addicted to my boobs) and would end up feeding him the whole way home.

That became the unhealthy practice which led my baby to think he would get his upah each time we got into the car.

And then, my husband had to go for his 6-month course and I had no choice but to begin the training session. It was long overdue, if you asked me. And I hated to have to do it because it was my fault that he wasn’t already used to it but I trained him anyway. It was dramatic and traumatizing. I remember posting on FB for advice and I was told time and time again that I was doing the right thing; to train him. It was after all, for his safety. Plus, I was assured by more experienced mommies that babies will eventually stop crying, hitting themselves and vomiting once they figure out how much it hurts.

It took him 4-6 weeks to finally get the idea that I wasn’t going to pick him up even if he cried his eyes out, vomited or hit himself silly on the head. Of course by then, he already knew how painful all of it was.

And therefrom began our wonderful (in sha Allah very safe) car rides.

Until my husband’s 6-month course ended.

I didn’t realize it but I had missed cuddling my baby so much for the period of time which he was subjected to sitting on his own in the car. So, when my husband came back, we went cold turkey on the car seat. There were times when we tried putting him on the car seat again and as expected, he cried and cried and cried and my husband, being the kind hearted person that he is, couldn’t stand to see his baby cry and caved. Every. Single. Time.

He’s such a Dad, I sometimes think I’m a Momster.

However, just recently, I told my husband that we really needed to train him to sit on his own in the car. It was just getting out of hand. He’s nearly 19 months and he’s still addicted to my boobs. And because he’s such a boy, he really can’t sit still in the car and wants to move from back to front back to front on and on as and when he pleases. More importantly, from his “driving” sessions with his Atuk (and also Daddy), he was beginning to think that handling the steering wheel was his birth right.   

I couldn’t stand it. It was just too dangerous. Plus, we never know when we’ll need to travel alone with Luqman – it could be me, it could be my husband. So, we finally upgraded his baby carrier to a big boy car seat, which we got at Manjaku Bangi at a very reasonable price. Since Luqman was the one who picked the car seat, all the while saying, “Tik (cantik), tik, tik” when we tested it on him at Manjaku, we honestly thought that he wouldn’t mind actually sitting on it in the car.

Pftt. Who are we kidding.

Of course he minded.

But this time, I’m happy to report that it only took him ONE day to realize that no matter what he did, how long or how badly he cried, BOTH of us are going to ignore him. Well, since I was the one who did the initial training when Luqman was much younger, I wasn’t that alarmed with his antics. Kesian, yes, Mama mana yang tak kesian, walau Momster sekalipun. But I am so much stronger this time round. I knew my husband still couldn’t take it and there were times when he wanted to cave, scream and get angry at Luqman because he was angry at himself for being angry.

But I told him – NO. The only way to do this particular training was through tough love. And complete silence and ignorance.

So, toughen up he did.

Problem is, now Luqman doesn’t want to get out of his car seat.

Congratulations, Hanisa.


me said...


Been in your shoes before. Tough, hands down!

I am sure you all will manage.

Hehe Luqman, Luqman

Arif Luqman boleh geng dengan Luqman Raimi

Raieza Hanim R said...

Strong willed & very clever this one, just like his Mummy:)

Trained ania well when we were in KK, now that we're back in KL, the Abah manja-ed her so much now she refused to sit at the car seat already. But she's 2yrs 6months old!
So I dont know, thinking to train her again but not sure with the car seat (tough love it is baby!), just a booster seat (have to buy pulak &still tough love it is) or just asking her to sit down on the chair (sumpah akan susah sbb all this while pon she wants to STAND all the way in the car)

Pening kepala!
Lagi bila si adik decides to join & be clingy as well. Ngaaaaaaa ):

Haneesa said...

Tasha: hahahah mmg boleh gang lah Ariff Luqman and Luqman Raimi. Sama pe'el masing-masing. hahahahhaha

Ieja: Heheh, on our own, selalunya kita terpaksa buat and we will end up doing it even if it hurts kan. tapi if ada abah dia ke, tokmama dia ke, mesti macam rasa, "sokay just this time". heheh. Nia dah besar dah tu so it's gonna need tougher love. what i did with luqman was i bought him comic upin ipin (dia memang SUKA!) so, he will sit still dalam kereta sambil "pulu pulu pulu" (baca comic tu). so probably try putting her favourite toy or book for a start :)