smitten.

 

"Go and kiss Mama", says my husband to my 18-month young baby who was busy munching on his dinner.

He waddles towards me, showing off his big baby toothy smile and plants a huge sloppy kiss on my cheek, with his "fishy" dinner smothered over me and all. As a bonus, he gives me a huge hug like I totally deserved it, though I know for a fact that I didn't.

He's growing up so fast. In fact, there are times when I'm watching him sleep that I feel like "stopping the clock" just so I can preserve my favourite moments with him. I know I've mentioned like a thousand times before how I think he's growing up too fast, but I honestly don't have any other way to describe how I feel about this phase of his growth.

Yesterday, I chanced upon this article on Facebook about the iPhone Mom and after reading it, I chucked my handphone away. I'll post the link here if I manage to find the it before I end the post. Although I am far from addicted to my phone (and I don't own an iPhone to begin with), there are times when I think I pay far too much attention to my incoming Whatsapp messages or the games I'm currently into when I get really bored while breastfeeding, hence... the silly excuses I make.

Sometimes, I catch my baby staring up at me, willing me to look at him and that always makes me feel so very guilty. Some time last week, I got this revelation about me losing my (Alhamdulillah) 20:20 eyesight and decidedly stopped fiddling with my phone too much, especially in the dark. And that's when I started looking at my baby really closely while I was feeding him or putting him to bed and I always catch him staring at me with adoring eyes, like I am the most amazing thing he's ever seen. When I do catch him doing that, we always end up snuggling and giggling until we both fall asleep in each other's arms. Like last night, for instance.

I know for a fact that this won't last forever. I know that one day he would be too old and probably a tad bit egoistical to admit how much he loves me. I know that one day, he would even wish I would avert my attention elsewhere and stop smothering him with my mommy-ism. And because I know, for now I'll bask in all of the love he offers, for as long as he's willing to offer it to me .

I sound like a smitten Mom and maybe I am.
 
But at this moment, I really don't care.

So, people should really stop asking when I'm going to have my second because that's really none of your business (eh, tiba-tiba haha).