May 19, 2011

like losing a limb.



It was previously difficult to understand why my married friends “disappeared” after their wedding. I always thought that I would try not to but… seeing that I “disappeared” every now and then even before I was married, I guess me not appearing where others appeared isn’t such an extraordinary feat.


My appearance where others appeared – now, that should make the headlines.


With time, marriage gets better. If previously, I answered, So far so good, now, if people ask me, “How’s married life so far?” I would answer, “GREAT!” without a second’s doubt.


My disappearance, believe or not, has nothing to do with my husband not giving me permission to go out or anything to that effect. It actually has a lot to do with the fact that I am still adjusting to this new life.


Having stayed with my parents for so long, I had to get used to the fact that food wouldn’t be served on the table when I got home from work. Breakfast and dinner were on me and the last thing I want to do is to starve my husband. I had to wrap my mind around the fact that Lani (our weekly helper in TTDI) wouldn’t be around to iron my clothes and now, not only did I have to do the ironing myself; I had 2 sets of clothes to iron for the whole week! I also had to get used to the fact that well, there is no end to this thing we name “housework”. Now, let’s not even get started about how annoying dust and falling hair can be.


And all this even with my husband helping around and with him not minding what I put on the table, okay?


I have no clear schedule as to when I should iron and when I should mop and when I should fold because my work schedule varies every week, so when my weekdays get rough, I do them during the weekends. And some weekends we are at my parents’, some at his, some alone and some spent at events. So sometimes, just the night before Monday/working day, I am seen doing more housework when all I really want (read: need) is some rest.


After a while, everyone becomes very demanding and my time becomes more precious than gold and when it’s just too much to take, I snap. After all, there are only 4 weekends in a month and there is only so much a girl can do to make everyone happy. She’s got to make a point to make herself happy too.


And I still have the nerve to say that being married is great?


After being married for this short while, I came to realise that I was lucky to have married my friend. I realised that even though I miss my other friends a lot, I am still okay because I have this friend by my side, all the time. I can’t imagine marrying someone whom I can’t talk about silly stuff to, who I can’t tell of my office antics to, who I can’t make silly jokes with and most importantly, I can discuss with this man about the more serious things in life with.


I can’t imagine having a husband who expects me to be all “wifey” all the time without seeing me as the person I really am. And when I need more girly advice I turn to my sister and my life is complete.


So, yes. Perhaps my daily routine and social life has changed dramatically since I married. I have perhaps become (to some) “unhappening” and boring, antisocial perhaps even hormonal and snappy. I haven’t seen many people since we got married and to be honest, we have been pretty selective about which events to attend, not because we want to, but it has become a necessary evil in order to keep ourselves sane.


I hope I haven’t talked anyone out of marrying because that wasn’t my point. My only point is that for some, the reality of married life is that the transition from being single to married isn’t as “easy” as you want it to be. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with the husband being the perfect tyrant but more of the wife’s goal to become a perfect wife. And trust me, I am not even close to being perfect and don’t think I will achieve even if I die trying.


Be that as it may, life has been good. Laughter remains abundant and there are rainbows despite the storms.


It's true that you tend to lose many things when you get married. Sometimes, you even lose connection with the life you once had and it upsets you because you thought that the "balancing act" wouldn't be take a toll on you. But it does. And it's real.


But be that as it may, you also gain many things. You gain a few good friends whom you can rely on and cherish wholeheartedly. You appreciate your time with your loved ones because you no longer see them everyday. You learn the art of communication from all the arguments you go through. You learn to cook well and learn to prioritise. You learn that in the end, you gain as much as you lose.


If you were to ask me honestly, what do I liken married life to, I would say,


“As cliché as it sounds, it's like finding a part of you you never knew you had. And now that you've found it, losing it would be like ripping a limb from your body"


So, despite everything I said, I do think that a marriage is an institution worth working on. Even if it takes a lifetime to do it. Totally worth every single second spent.


Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

4 comments:

nurul said...

hi haneesa!

hear hear! it's been 2 months now since i got married..and since day 1 i've somehow automatically assume the role of cleaner, cook and wife :D

...albeit not knowing much of martha stewart's tips n tricks. it's tiring for sure, but it's worth it right? :)

Haneesa said...

hello nurul!

wow! you assumed your roles from day 1. i sorta got a leeway for one month :)

but really, i think it is worth it :)though of course, it get pretty tiring at times kan :)

fiqss said...

aww this is so sweet :) nway, when i hv classes im just nearby :) ask kareem hes been to my kolej hehe :P if some nites u feel like doing sumthing crazy (in ur term ppl yg bz n penat kerja, crazy= watching movie on weeknites), lemme knw yea :) alamanda is jst 7mins away frm my place. haha. take care sis :) n being married is awesome lah. i cant wait to kahwin. HAHA ye ye belajar dulu i know :P

Haneesa said...

1. yes, tahu pun habiskan belajar dulu. then, you can have all the fun in the world (even get married!).

2. gila promote UPM is seriously 7 minutes away je? how come it's just as close as our house is to alamanda? hahaha.

3. yes, we should meet up. i'm like mencari-cari kawan-kawan yang duduk dekat sini sebab all my friends are in KL city jadinya susah sangat nak jumpa :(

you take care too girl. thanks for dropping by :)