cleaning after.

I don't know about you, but every time I feel scared, overwhelmed or just plain confused, I just feel like fleeing the scene. It's like a hit and run case, you see. Only at the moment, I'm preventing myself from hitting that inevitable  brick wall and running away afterwards. I'm running away before I actually hit it.

It's just one of those instances when you just can't take what your brain is doing to your head and all you want to do is look for a switch which could turn it off. All of it. For just a little while. 

I've never been the lazy type to challenge myself to things which I don't know. In fact, there was nothing in Law School that we learnt (esp. during Honours) that we knew much of beforehand. And I enjoyed learning things which enriched me as a person. I like the challenge of not knowing. I like it when I get things wrong because that reminds me that I am not all that.

But if there's one or two or three things I cannot stand, it would be cleaning up mistakes that other people made. Like what I am doing now. I wish I could just rip the paper into tiny smithereens and never look at them again. Because I hate to be cleaning up the puke that someone else so conveniently barfed and trying to prescribe new meds which they will not follow. Wait, make that never follow.

This isn't just challenging my ability to deal with new problems. This is challenging my sanity. I can't appreciate the matter anymore if cleaning up is all I am asked to do. 

I need to get a breather. A "switch off switch", to turn it all off. For just a little while.

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