relaps(ation)e

bile rose in my throat. it was such a big, big ball that i suffocated.

don’t ask me why; i never know.

“do you remember when i held your hand at the hospital?”

i miss you.

“do you remember when i pecked your cheek after the operation?”

i miss you.

“do you remember the tears that fell on my face, the hurt in my eyes?”

i miss you.

and you still loved me in the morning. i miss you. and we made new promises. i miss you. do you remember?

i miss you.

so, i dialled and waited. please don’t tell me “please try later”, please. almost. it almost did.

but then, a voice came through. “i miss you.” after i hung up, my tearducts were overworking and i no longer had a functioning reservoir.

fat, salty drops of water started to form beneath my eyelids. and soon, it was a stream coming down my chubby cheeks.

and to think that i was just about 15 minutes away from work. i don’t know what got into me.

i’m going into a relapse. you must forgive me. the same dark and unconscious thoughts are reeling in my head like an old film.

but i did not let it get to me this time. i will stop wednesdays from haunting me no matter what. i’ll be better in time. i promise. it won't haunt me forever.