Tick Tock Tick Tock!

It’s not hard to see why Mama’s so hooked on Groupon, seeing that it makes shopping so easy (and cheap)! After I joined Groupon, I have purchased several deals (mostly food) and I’m currently waiting for my Weedo voucher so that I can have my Honeymoon pictures printed properly. So, yes, so much for being on Groupon, I haven’t purchased that many things yet.

I sometimes wish I could stop equating the amount of things I can get for the baby with a certain amount of money so that I can finally get the things I want, but I CAN’T FREAKING HELP IT! Tsk!

That said, I have missed out on a few deals because I was unsure whether or not I should get them. And yes, I can see my friends shaking their heads in disprove right now as this has always been the case with me.

I don’t know when I’ll learn. Haish.

One of my most regretted “misses” is this:

It isn’t Kitchen Aid, I know, but it’s a start, right? And we could all do with a start. I don’t even know why I hesitated to get it! It was, after all a bargain. RM88 instead of RM129 and I hesitated?! *slaps forehead!*

Right now, I’m eyeing 2 deals on Groupon and (still) contemplating, surprise, surprise!

One of them is this. And I don’t know whether I should get these. And how many I should, if I do. It states there that the Company will charge RM10 for delivery of 5 and I’m thinking, alang-alang dia nak hantar 1, might as well order 5. Right?

And that ladies and gents, it my very problem with bargains. Because when I get a really good bargain, I feel like I should squeeze the bargain for another bargain so that I can make the most out of it. *tamak haloba*

I really hope I’m not the only one who’s like this, but seriously, who doesn’t like bargains?

I’ve been looking at the hours ‘til the deal expires since it said 72 hours. And now, it’s all down to 13 12 hours left. Do you think I’ll get it, or would this be one of my regretted misses (again)?

Hmm... when will I learn? Tick tock tick tock tick tock!

Got to make up my mind, fast!

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Gotcha!

I was on the phone with my brother just a few days back talking about so many things when Adik interrupted us and wanted to tell me something. Oh, yes, my brother’s back for good, by the way.

Adik: Akak, I just got myself my Roger!

Me: Oh, yes, so I heard. Happy?

Adik: Of course!

Me: Dreams finally came true huh?

Adik: Yup, yup! I have a new boyfriend now.

Me: So, when you say that you’ve got a new boyfriend, you mean that you used to have an old boyfriend before your new boyfriend?

Adik: Ermmm.

Me: Don’t mess with the lawyer babe. I so gotcha.

Adik: I’m so not going to say anything that will be used against me "=___________________="

Hmmm, Adik, is there something you want to tell me? Hahahaha. I'm waiting ;p 

Oh, and by the way, Roger is a 32G Ipod. My siblings are so rich, I should stop giving them treats ;p

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humour me.

Oftentimes, during moments of complete freedom, I stare at the computer and the computer stares back at me. The cursor blinks and I type in a word, just to tempt ideas to flow from my head and out onto the New Document staring at me. That’s how it normally works, when I go through some sort of a “writer’s block”. I type in whatever nonsense I can think of, delete that nonsense, and finally come up with a not-so-nonsense piece of writing.

But of late, it hasn’t worked its wonders. Not like it usually does. So, instead of producing nonsense for people to read (if there is anyone reading), I come up with nothing at all.

I’m trying to pinpoint a reason or 2 as to why I am so... blocked. Thing is, after rummaging through my head (hyperbolically speaking, of course), I have discovered that there are thoughts. Loads of them. It’s just that I haven’t managed to put them all down on paper, whether virtual or physical. In other words, my thoughts are so ALL OVER THE PLACE, I can’t seem to make head and tail of what it is I’m trying to say.

And I’m sorry, but you’ve just had to finish 3 paras of preamble, before I actually get to my point, which I’m beginning to wonder, if there is any.

In the end, I put it all down to my lack of youth. Seriously. Sometimes, I don’t know what happened to that person who I used to call me. I used to anticipate “events” and “funny conversations” because then, I could go back to my blog to report them. Like it was crucial for me to update on the ongoings in my life, to make me look like I had a “life” of some sort. So that I don’t look like a loser who didn’t have friends or things to look forward to.

Now strangely, though I do go out, go on oh-so-random dates with my husband at ungodly hours, sometimes (yes, at 3 in the morning one time), meet up with friends and have very meaningful conversations over coffee or ice cream, I don’t seem to care much about taking photos and uploading them or even “reporting” them to this space, like I used to.

And strange but true, but I seem to think of the act of “reporting of events” will make me seem more of a loser because then, it would look like I am trying too hard to impress. Who? I can’t quite figure that out myself yet, too.

In the end, I don’t know which is better (or more pathetic); to be able to know that you’ve grown out of the habit of “reporting” everything and being able to instead enjoy and savour the moment you are in without worrying how nice/terrible you look like in the photos OR losing that part of you who used to love taking photos of everything and recording every moment that mattered at that moment so that you could look back in wonderment of how silly/funny/terrible things were like at some point in your life.

More than anything, at this very moment, I just feel like there’s nothing that I want to write that hasn’t already been written. And that nothing I can write that can people can relate to. Either way, I just want to find that balance, in hopes that I have not become some other person whom I hardly know anymore.

And I hope that I’ll somehow finally find it in my heart to be ecstatic about the little things that used to humour me. Where on earth did my youth go to? Really, where?

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xoxo, confused first time mom.

Of all the things to get for my son, the one that I’ve (ironically) been most confused about is clothes. Yes, clothes. I love baby clothes. They are cute. They are adorable. And comes in the loveliest colours. Whether you’re having a boy or a girl. Oh, and wait, they are a great boost to the parents’ ego too, aren’t they? i.e. MY DADDY IS MY HERO, MY MOMMY IS THE PRETTIEST. Bila lagi nak buli anak? Masa kecik je la dia nak mengaku (paksa rela) pun. Hahaha.

But both my moms (my own and in-law) have quite persistently dampened my spirits to buy clothes for my boy.

Granted, I don’t know how big the boy will be when he pops out. Plus, they all grow up really, really FAST, I know. But takkan lah anak aku tak payah pakai baju? Sejuk lah dia kan, kan?

But still, sebab malas nak dengar banyak yap yapping, my boy only has 5 sleepsuits, 7 rompers, 5 pairs of socks, 1 cap and a pair of mittens. Anak orang lain, by the time lahir dah ada one closet full of clothes! Argh. Stress!

Thing is, if I were to just get those clothes (after all, my son, right? so, up to me lah kan? ahha), I’m still not sure which I should get. I’ve been going in and out of Mothercare, only to question myself – ni kan Malaysia, kena pakai long sleeves and long pants all the time ke? Tapi at the same time my mom asks me, “Eh Girl, baby 2 bulan lebih dah boleh pakai baju lengan pendek eh?”

HOH? Tak boleh ke?

I know it’s ridiculous sebab there are so many other things to worry about, I know. Tapi , I can’t help but be confused about what to put on my child. Plus, things like berapa lama nak kena bedung dia (sebab I bought 2 swaddling blankets and now tak sure if membazir ke apa) and whether kalau dah swaddle kena selimut lagi tak? Ke panas sangat? And whether or not I should expose my baby to chemicals (baby bath, lotion, etc) as soon as dia lahir or just mandikan dengan air per se since babies don’t smell bad at all. Sebab there’s always 2 (or worst, 3 or 4) versions of things and this person buat like this and the other buat like that. Bikin aku pening, please!

Oh, and according to my mom, masa kecik, none of my siblings dipakaikan talcum powder anywhere on our bodies. It reduces chances of getting rashes, especially at places like celah-celah kaki, leher, butt and armpit. So, I’ve got to remind whoever handling my baby not to put talcum powder sesuka hati jugak. See, bikin pening lagi sebab certain people lumur anak with powder tapi tak ada apa pulak. Hmmm.

Oh, if you happen to be wondering if I have a checklist for my boy, of course I do. I live on checklists! But of course, I don’t follow it in toto because I know certain things are just totally and completely unnecessary pun. But here’s the whole list, just in case you want to get things for your baby.You can adjust accordingly, of course.

1. Breastpump – done
2. Milk storage plastic/ bottles – done
3. Cooler bag for milk – done
4. Feeding bottles – done
5. Liquid wash
6. Nipple cream
7. Bottle brush – done
8. Nursing pillow
9. Breastpad
10. Warmer –this is one of those things which I have been told to be unnecessary sangat! More than 3 mommies told me this.
11. Sterilizer- done
12. Drying rack –unnecessary
13. Bath tub –done
14. Hooded towels – done
15. Bath gel
16. Lotion
17. Baby oil
18. Baby wipes
19. Cotton roll
20. Cotton wipes
21. Baby cream
22. Baby vanity care case
23. Combs
24. Baby detergent
25. Baby powder
26. Changing mat
27. Wash cloths –done
28. Gripe water
29. Nose saline – I was told that this is important!
30. Mittens and booties – 1 pair as mentioned above
31. Diapers
32. Swaddle/receiving blankets – swaddle done tapi blanket tak beli lagi
33. Clothes – as mentioned above
34. Baby binder –dah pesan with my cousin
35. Socks –as mentioned above
36. Leggings/tights
37. Stroller –done
38. Car seat –not for now
39. Travel/diaper bag – done
40. Baby carrier
41. Baby sling/pouch
42. Nursing cape
43. Infant car seat – done
44. Bedding set
45. Cot –done
46. Mattress – done
47. Dresser
48. Playpen
49. Pillows
50. Rocker/bouncer
51. Play mat
52. Toys

For Mama -
Maternity Sanitary pads
Disposable panties
Nursing bra - Fabulous Mom is having sales until the end of January and they are super duper cheap! Sila dapatkan. You'd be surprised to see your size. I totally was. *Pengsan*

So, ngeri tak tengok list?

I know that I’ve bought most of the essentials, tapi everyone keeps telling me that it’s the small things yang akan buat panic nanti at the end of the day and those yang akan burn a hole in your pocket because you don’t have the time to make informed decisions about your purchases.

Sigh.

How now?

Have I missed out anything?

Am I ready to be Mama?

Truth is, I freak myself out.

*takut!*

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favourite shades of pink.

Payday is the single most joyous day in our lives and yet, ironically, it is also the one that makes us saddest. Joy because of the amount shown on our Happy Green Slip; sad because of the depleting amount of money in our bank account, which happens at exactly the same instance when money from the Happy Green Slip is credited into it.

But look at what greeted me at my (car) door yesterday!

All my favourites in my favourite shades. Roses, Carnation and a Gerbera.

We’re still arguing whether the Gerbera is a Daisy or vice versa, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s the thought that counts and this definitely made the depleting amount in my bank account a sadness of utmost insignificance :)

What a happy way to end my mundane Monday and a great start to my week, insyaAllah!

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the comfortable silence.

On a lovely Sunday afternoon, he inquired, out of utter worry perhaps, as I am very seldom quiet,

“Love?”

“Yes?” I said.

“What you thinking of?” he probed further.

“Nothing much, really. Just how sleepy I am”, was all I replied.

And I let our conversation fall at that, while my eyes squinted against the hot scorching Sunday sun. I have always been afraid of silence. Especially ones which are deafening. Especially ones in rooms and cars, when there's nothing and no one apart from us two.

But, much as I hate it, I anticipate and (sometimes) initiate it with an open heart. At some point in our lives, we’re bound to run out of things to say. Or even if we don’t, we’re bound to not want to talk, just because.

But I realised that that particular silence did not fall into a deafening silence. It just never came. It’s as if we both agreed wholeheartedly, without saying a word, that that was the moment. That was the moment when presence alone sufficed. It was enough to know that I was there and so was he. We didn’t need to say anything. Or do anything much. We could just sit there together staring blankly into space and let the silence envelope us.

We learnt that day that we could (finally) fall into a comfortable silence. And that it felt nice. That it sufficed. That silence doesn’t always have to be a negative thing. Silence is indeed a force to be reckoned with.

I have established that with my blog also. I have established the fact that there are some things way too personal to share. And that some things go layers and layers deep into my feelings and thoughts that they become feeling upon thoughts upon feeling. Something like the movie, Inception, if you like, only it’s not dreams we’re talking about, it’s feelings.

And though I used to be the “bare it all” type, I don’t think I am anymore. I know that scribbling my most intimate thoughts and most personal ones would probably only magnify its magnitude, making it seem far too big; bigger than it actually is. And worst, it’ll just immortalise moments, which we don’t necessarily want to remember in retrospect.

True that life isn’t always flowery and nice. There are times when we have to deal with being at the bottom of the bottom. But I guess my blog and I would continue to sit tight-lipped about it until it passes. After all, what good is it to be so stressed out about the things we can no longer change?

Sometimes, we try to the best of our abilities, but we still fail. But only for that time. So, the only way to go is to get up and have another try. And I guess the only way for us to do that is well... by keeping a comfortable distance from stress itself.

Then, perhaps, that gruesome moment would pass and we would be able to move on.

And believe you me, there are times when the best messages are delivered through the comfort of a comfortable silence.  

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no underestimating please

I found this in my drafts section from September last year. Just thought of sharing it because I find it super amusing. I had a good laugh re reading this. Oh, and I was 11 weeks pregnant then. Time sure does fly by ;)

****

Sometime last week, I got a call from Mama.

She was going on and on about joining a make-over class.

“You only have to pay RM68 instead of RM300+”
“And you can book classes on weekends okay”

And because I was feeling so under the weather, I only responded with an “Mmmhmm” though I already knew where the conversation was heading to.

“Jom lah Girl”, she says.

And I told her that I don’t want any make-up classes because then I might have to buy make-up that I will end up never using because I don’t use make-up. I may have even snapped at her.

“Okay”, she goes.

*of course, I felt guilty but couldn’t help it because I was really feeling like crap that morning*

But she continued,

“Oh, by the way, I’m going to a bread making class with Busu next week. You only have to pay RMxx instead of RMyy”.

Haha. At that point, I just had to ask her, “Ma, are you on Groupon?”

“Oh, yesssss”, she gleefully responded.

I’m on Groupon too, but I’ve never purchased anything yet. I have no idea what she’s been buying because she’s been online like 24/7 these days.

To prove my point, last weekend when I was home, I was online my FB and Mama was in her room. She said she was going to bathe. About 20 minutes after, I saw a notification on my News Feed... “KMG’s Mobile Uploads... 4 minutes ago”

Haha. Just to tease her, I asked her from outside her room, “Ehh, I thought someone said she was going to bathe like 20 minutes ago? I already bathed AND prayed you know”.

“Haaa, okay la. Okay la. I go bathe now.”

Oh, God, she’s hooked!

But according to her she’s not so hooked on uploading photos on FB.

“Boring ah comments on pictures ni. Yang Groupon I loveeee”.

ADOI.

Moral of the story is –

1. Have a solid retirement plan. So that you can retire by 50 and when you retire, you can finally taste the fruits of your labour. And spend on anything you want and missed out on when you were younger.

2. Parents are really IT-savvy these days. You really don’t know what they’re up to when they are buried behind their phones.

So, no underestimating please!

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pretty round.

We're back in TTDI this weekend.

Adik: So, Akak, how have you been?

Me: Bulat.

Adik: Yeah, I know (while rubbing my head with sympathy).

Me: Damn, you didn't have to be so honest. You could have at least lied to me and told me I ain't bulat.

Adik: Never mind. You're a pretty circle. 

Husband: No, bulat is not circle. She's been pretty round.

Adik and I: =________________________=" absolute fail lah this one!

Don't make me feel any better okay!

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The Hormone Casserole

These days, I find that it’s easy to turn my “tap” on, causing me to be flooded in my own waterworks. I find that my staring into wide places and blank spaces can initiate thoughts in my head, which in turn would make me want to cry (or worst, actually cry) and it’s tough to turn that “tap” off, no matter how much or which way I turn it.

I’ve tons of posts sitting idly in my drafts section, but each time I read them, I feel like a complete hypocrite. Everything that I’ve written since the New Year seems removed or superficial; like something I just wrote for the sake of writing, when in actual fact, there’s something niggling at the back of my mind, which I can’t quite put a name to, which, depressingly so, I can’t seem to shake off too.

I’m scared to admit what it is, but at the same time, I know that if I hold it in any longer, I might as well go crazy already.

All I know right now is that that “niggling feeling I can’t seem to shake off” is causing me unnecessary irritability. I easily snap. I am acutely aware of the fact that I can’t seem to accept that some things, no matter how much you wished they weren’t, can’t be changed. And yet, despite being aware that I should not be feeling so, I still feel that way, no matter how much I tell myself not to.

Do you know how confusing that is? I just want to let them go. It’s exhausting.

At least was a good thing that I managed to get my much neeeded 28-day rest at the end of last year, as that was my only wish before 2011 ended. And still, I find that my fatigue had not subsided with ample rest.

xxx

Perhaps I am reminded of how near my EDD is, now that we're in 2012? I don't know. Either way, all I know is that I'm scared of the changes that are going to come my way. Don't get me wrong - I love this kid who's now having a ball in my belly. Like love, love and love! But things are going to change, aren't they? Things between my husband and myself. Scares the living daylights out of me, I tell you.

And that makes me cling extra close to him, wanting have him all to myself 24/7. All I can think of is how scary it is to be facing all that change and how I wished we could just make time stop for a while, go somewhere, spend time together, just the 2 of us, get to know each other better. Just the 2 of us, no interruptions.

Crazy isn't it? But that's what this crazy hormon casserole is all about at the moment.

And though I wish I could change the way I feel about things, I know that I can't. So be it. I know that this is probably just a phase I'm going through and I'll be fine in a while.

For now, I guess my husband will just have to deal with me clinging to him like a bubble gum. Heee ;)

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setokin putih.

Like how I woke up one morning, suddenly having my socks on, when I know for sure that I didn't have enough energy to remember, let alone the strength to put it on myself the night before. This time, you've really made me warm with love, quite literally.

;)

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telus.

Every New Year is a cause to celebrate. Whether it is to close a wonderful year or to usher in a new one, everyone finds a reason to just let their hair down and enjoy the moment.

In my case, every New Year marks another year in our marriage.

And though I can’t believe it myself, it has been a year since we got married. And I’ve got to say that it has been extremely eventful.

And I am glad. I am glad that we started off last year on the right foot.

Though we tripped and fell, we got up again and took baby steps towards our perfect imperfections. We learnt the hard way to make things work, and still, last year flew by us in a blink of an eye. People say time flies when you’re having fun and I guess they are right.

Despite the circumstances, the trials and tribulations, the arguments and the tears that ensued, I’ve got to say that I’ve never laughed or rejoiced in life as much as I did in the past year. I also think that last year has made me wiser and more matured. In a lot of ways, 2011 in a (huge) nutshell, has made me a better person.

Here’s to 2012! May it be a better year for us all, insyaAllah ;)

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