I’ve tons of posts sitting idly in my drafts section, but each time I read them, I feel like a complete hypocrite. Everything that I’ve written since the New Year seems removed or superficial; like something I just wrote for the sake of writing, when in actual fact, there’s something niggling at the back of my mind, which I can’t quite put a name to, which, depressingly so, I can’t seem to shake off too.
I’m scared to admit what it is, but at the same time, I know that if I hold it in any longer, I might as well go crazy already.
All I know right now is that that “niggling feeling I can’t seem to shake off” is causing me unnecessary irritability. I easily snap. I am acutely aware of the fact that I can’t seem to accept that some things, no matter how much you wished they weren’t, can’t be changed. And yet, despite being aware that I should not be feeling so, I still feel that way, no matter how much I tell myself not to.
Do you know how confusing that is? I just want to let them go. It’s exhausting.
At least was a good thing that I managed to get my much neeeded 28-day rest at the end of last year, as that was my only wish before 2011 ended. And still, I find that my fatigue had not subsided with ample rest.
Perhaps I am reminded of how near my EDD is, now that we're in 2012? I don't know. Either way, all I know is that I'm scared of the changes that are going to come my way. Don't get me wrong - I love this kid who's now having a ball in my belly. Like love, love and love! But things are going to change, aren't they? Things between my husband and myself. Scares the living daylights out of me, I tell you.
And that makes me cling extra close to him, wanting have him all to myself 24/7. All I can think of is how scary it is to be facing all that change and how I wished we could just make time stop for a while, go somewhere, spend time together, just the 2 of us, get to know each other better. Just the 2 of us, no interruptions.
Crazy isn't it? But that's what this crazy hormon casserole is all about at the moment.
And though I wish I could change the way I feel about things, I know that I can't. So be it. I know that this is probably just a phase I'm going through and I'll be fine in a while.
For now, I guess my husband will just have to deal with me clinging to him like a bubble gum. Heee ;)
Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)