September 07, 2011

Altered.


I have become an altered person. Increasingly, I find that there are many things I love which I don’t anymore and there are many undiscovered wonders, which I have found joy in. Like a pack of Ligo Raisins for example.

Besides being totally and completely altered, I have also become preoccupied. Totally and completely. Preoccupied and in fact committed with making myself feel better for the benefit of all.

You see, life normally takes you through this “course of nature”, where one thing takes place after the other. And naturally, with marriage, people next expect “comes the baby carriage”.

And 8 months, 3 HPTs and 2 doctor visits later, I was confirmed pregnant.

It’s been a while since I knew. In fact, it’s been a while since everyone around me sort of... “knew. It got to a point where they wanted to get me tested because I have never been that sick ever. It got to a point where everyone just let me sleep on a working day, sometimes past 3 p.m. on a Friday because I looked so weak. Everyone “knew”. Especially those who are mothers.

I was the only one who was too cowardly to test. For fear that the line does not turn blue like I want it to.

But after so many queries, even from friends who simply guessed by reading my blog posts and tweets, I thought, “It could be my turn. This could be my time.”

It’s funny how instincts work sometimes. Some time end of July just before Ramadan, I told my husband about the non-existent HPTs in our house. I told him that it seems like every married couple kept at least ONE in their medicine cabinet and all we had in ours was pills and vicks vaporub and the likes. So, he obliged and bought me the twin packed Clearblue.

When my worst reached its peak, I decided to pee on the stick. Because mind you, I really have never been that weak. Or that sick. In fact, I have never been that sleepy. So, if it wasn’t pregnancy, I knew that I had to get some medical attention. And fast.

And in about 3 seconds, the line turned blue. A clear, clear blue, just as the name suggests. Of course, I had doubts. Fears, even, that the HPT was faulty. So, I read up on the Clearblue website and it confirmed that without the existence of HCG in my urine, the test would have turned out negative. So, a week later, I tested some more. And on the day I went to see the doctor, I tested with Clearblue Digital. Just to be sure.

You may wonder why I was so doubtful.

I mean, for most women, them missing a period is indication enough, right? Thing is, just before Ramadan, my “period” did come. Only when I scanned my tummy at the clinic did I know that my baby already has a heartbeat! So, turns out that my “period” was mere spotting (which I kind of guessed but didn’t want to get my hopes too high at that point). Thus, this previous post.

And so, there goes. We are both ecstatic about this! You can’t even start to imagine how ecstatic my parents and siblings and in-laws are too. Of course, I’m a bit scared, but having this little friend growing inside me, whom I can talk to everyday whenever I want because s/he is always there overrides whatever fears that I have. In fact, I can’t wait for the next scan because I can’t wait to see how much s/he has grown!

I already know how much I love you, even before I met you. And I so can’t wait to plant sloppy kisses on your cheeks come April.


Alhamdulillah for the heartbeat. And for my growing belly, with my little growing friend inside of it.

:')


Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

20 comments:

tasha said...

Alhamdulillah!!! Congratulations Kakak!!!! :) Do take really good care of yourself and that little one! You'll be amazed at how fast he grows.

shueyshoelove said...

Seronoknya dengar ur pregnant!! Congraattttssssss!!!

anaztasias nora aira said...

congrats !!!

the Sojourner said...

congratulations to you and hubby - God bless and take good care.
Petrina Tan

Haneesa said...

dear all, thank you for your well wishes. please keep praying for our health and well-being okay? :)


much, much love.

Nina said...

Hey Nisa!!! Congratulations!!! Yeah, I had a hunch that you were already pregnant from your previous blog posts.. hehehee.. ;) How many weeks are you now?

Take care and eat well ;D

Haneesa said...

nina- thanks! i think most ppl yang dah pernah go through the symptoms boleh guess. i je yang takut sangat. hehehe. i'm at 10 weeks, alhamdulillah.

and about the eating well part, we both know that that won't be a problem for the next 30 weeks, right? LAPARRRR ;p

Nina said...

We're not that far apart! hehe.. I'm entering my 14th week now. Due somewhere in March. My EDD keeps changing. lol. I did not keep track of my last period ;P

U'll be amazed to see ur bb at 13 weeks! moving and jumping here and there... such a miracle!

anyways, yes... I dunno la the eating part... sometimes I'm just tired to think about what to eat... At times ur so hungry but tak lalu makan... huhu.. I hope it gets better soon in second trimester.

Hadi Mukhlis said...

KAKAK.. YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!!

WAAAAAHHHHHHHH...!!!!!

Congratulations dear.

You're gonna be an awesome mum.

tmc said...

I KNEW ITTTTT!!!
had the instinct that you were pregnant!score for meeee!!hehe
congrats kakak!:)
enjoy pregnancy..its a wonderful journey - really:)

Haneesa said...

nina - yes, i get what you mean. some days i'm perfectly fine and hyper and eating everything with no problem, the next thing i know, esoknya dah lembik balik. it will get better insyaAllah :)

hadi - thanks dear :) i do hope that i will be a great mom :)

tmc - mmg ramai dah agak i think? hahahah. everyone thought it was obvious. except me. hehehe. but thanks dearest! bestnyaaa nnt anak-anak kita semua boleh friends :)

yayahafiza said...

congrats kakak.... your EDD is in MaRCh?? who knows if the jr wanted to have the same birthday as mommy?? hehehe :)

Farah said...

am so excited for u, lepas ni Maya, Dahlia n ur baby will run around and cause chaos during our get together :)

take care ya, i know ur so active sometimes (like suddenly semangat nak vacuum bagai) time ni la boleh buli suami :P (I still ingat cerita yg ur dad kena masak when ur mum was pregnant LOL).

can't wait to c u n the lil' darlin :)

Haneesa said...

aera: thanks, dear! no, no, no. EDD is in April. jangan doa dia keluar sama dengan mommy! nanti pre-term baby saya hehehe.

farah: sekarang ni i lembik gila, 9 p.m. dah tido okay! ahhhahaha. i didn't have to bully husband pun sebab dia eff gila sepanjang i lembik. now getting better alhamdulillah and super can't wait! :) see you soon :)

Moose said...

congrats!!!

Haneesa said...

moose: thanks dear :)

The Spasmodic Scribbler said...

God, I'm so like a thousand years behind! Been so so busy with stuff, I rarely got to blogwalk like I used to. Congratulations Haneesa!! I hope you'll enjoy the journey to motherhood as much as you can :)

Haneesa said...

TSS: Thanks dear!

threeORANGES.. said...

hahaha.. i knew it.. congrats dear!! and im giving u an early 'welcome to the club'..
may Allah bless your journey..

Haneesa said...

tikah: heheheh. thanks dear :)