Macarooni Bandwagon.

image googled.

Pray, tell me...

Apart from the fact that macaroons are vividly-coloured and extremely “photogenic”, what is it about them that’s making everyone go so crazy?

Please, tell me.

I’ll come clean before I go on with this entry – I’ve only tasted it twice, in 3 different flavours and none of them came from the shop named Whisk or the likes. So, I may change my mind on this subject matter. Just maybe.

Thing is this. My experience with macaroons hasn’t really been bad. But I didn’t think they’re that great either to deserve all the rage that they’re receiving. So, seriously, what’s so good about it, really?

Apart from being the “highly sugar and colouring-laden confectionaries” that they are?

Is there any particular reason why people love macaroons so much?

Or this is just another case of “lets-jump-on-the-macaroon-bandwagon-already” since everyone is so fond of doing the whole bandwagon exercise these days?

Because I’m starting to think that only a really, really, really sweet tooth can stomach them macaroons without giving them a toothache.

Seriously.

You sure won’t see me on the Macarooni Bandwagon anytime soon. Unless of course, some macaroon can change my mind. We'll see. 

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

that super cold state.

On the grand scale of things, I’ve got to say that one of my most favourite things is travelling. On a grander scale of things, I’ve got to admit that one of my most favourite places is London.

I recently browsed through my old photo albums and came across my LondonUK2007 album and I am ITCHING to purchase tickets. In winter, no less. Much as people warn me how crazily cold it has gotten these days. Or spring would be nice too because it is so pretty!

If I could go back to London, I would (in random order) –

1. Walk all the way from Bayswater to Marble Arch and beyond.
2. Eat those yummy £2 kebabs they sell at Edgware Road.

3. Bring no clothes of my own and go bananas at Dorothy Perkins on Boxing Day (I missed it the last time because we were at Stratford upon Avon, BOO!).

4. Ride the Hop On Hop Off Tour Bus until I remember every single thing the commentator said.
5. Buy a year’s supply of sesame bagels at Marks and Spencer.
6. Eat enough bananas to sustain me for a lifetime because the bananas there are so GOOD!

7. Take proper photos at Abbey Rd.

8. Go for a football game.
9. Buy all the books, which are too expensive to own here (the books there are DIRT CHEAP!)
10. Bring Theodore this time and go crazy taking photos of everything and everyone.
11. Actually document everything I do and everywhere I go.

And these are only a fraction of the things I want to do.

But they top the list.

I so want to go to London. Though I don’t really know how safe it is these days, what with the shootings and all.

But it still tops my list as one of my most favourite places in the world. Uhuh.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

Ms. Swot

A swot is

“...A person who studies hard, esp. one regarded as spending too much time studying...”

Or in more familiar terms... skema. And constantly "by-the-book". Or at least that’s what I think it is.

It’s rare for anyone to have any bad dreams during Ramadan as the Devils and Demons have been chained. Most people sleep very soundly. Or at least, I do.

Only last night... I dreamt. And it wasn’t a very pretty dream.

It was a ball of chaos. I think I was at home. In the dream, I felt panicky – as if I were rushing for something, somewhere. But I don’t know what it was. Only, at some point, I remember that I was rushing to eat because it was almost Subuh. And I don’t normally eat during Sahur. To me, what’s most important are my drink(s). One very, very, very sweet drink and loads of plain water to wash it off. But in the dream, I ate. And I ate alot. And then, it was already Subuh and I was trying to down my normal dose of plain water but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get any water down my throat. I couldn’t gulp. I couldn’t swallow. But I kept trying. And I couldn’t. What’s worse, there were people at my window watching this spectacle. Prying, staring, gaping, pointing. Obviously judging.

And then, I woke up at the sound of the Azan. And obviously panicked. But it felt too early. Somehow, I just knew that it wasn’t “time” yet. So, I ran out of the room to look at the wall clock. Sure enough, it was only 3.45 a.m. I have to admit that I was pissed. So, I went back to my bed and lay still under the duvet. It was only 3.45 a.m. and I could no longer sleep.

Then, I remembered.

I slept the night before without perfoming my Isya’ prayers. So, I guess you can already guess that I didn’t perform my tarawikh either? Like I said before... this year, I feel tired. So tired. But is that enough of an excuse?

I went to the prayer mat and performed my Isya’. It was only 4 rakaat, and it is actually really easy. So, why did I act like it’s so hard?

I never get through a year without getting caught doing a bad thing. Even minor ones, mind you. Never have. Don’t think I ever will.

Which is why I remain the “swot” that I am because I am constantly blessed with revelations and enlightenments by “someone” out there that S/He is watching. And constantly keeping me on my toes. Even when I am flying high.

So, even though a “Ms. Swot” is the girl who is no fun, won’t try something that is too much out of the ordinary, scared to do something wrong, the fact is... that’s just who I am.

Even if I attempt to do something out of the ordinary, which is clearly and obviously wrong, I never get away with it anyways. So, I guess, I’m thinking, “Why bother?”

Although I’ve been up since 3.45 a.m., couldn’t get back to sleep even if I tried to, and was startled with what seemed the early “Azan”, I’m okay. I’m actually happy that I made it to today, knowing that “someone” out there really, really loves me.

Alhamdulillah.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

where did it go to?

As unmaterialistic as I claim to be, I have to admit that it am still... realistic.

As much as I know that money isn’t everything, it still is something. And it is something big enough to affect even the strongest of bonds.

After all, didn’t they say that “money is the root of all evil?”

I was reading Shuey’s blog and I came to realise that her parents are EXACTLY like mine. And ‘til this day, I still wonder how they did it, with such little pay. How? Really, how?

So, I sat down and rationalized my spending. And I came to the realisation that I am not lavish. Really, I am not. Not in the sense where I buy clothes every month or buy furniture or trinkets for my home and myself.

My pay, is mostly spent on necessities, like car, fuel, toiletries and FOOD.

So, where did all my money go?

Now, let’s talk about food.

I don’t know about you, but I’m the type who doesn’t like to “berkira” when it comes to food. Much as we eat in most of the time, when we do eat out, we go ALL OUT. I love to “let loose”. Just a little.

But a little goes a long way, no?

If I multiply the “littles” I have been spending for the last 7 months, I would have probably saved A LOT.

So, much as it is “uncool” (for lack of better word) to cut down our spending on food, it is a necessary evil all the same. Because believe it or not, food makes up a huge portion of our spending and that’s where our household income has been directed towards all this while.

I’ve been thinking of how difficult it is to save, especially so when you’ve had such a rough working month and you feel like you deserve every right to pamper yourself silly. And especially so when you’ve deducted everything that needs to be paid and there’s still some balance in your bank account, which have NO SIGNS of improving. Sometimes, you get tempted to just spend it all away.

I hope we all find the courage and strength to start saving. SOON. It’s never too late, isn’t it? And I hope we find the wisdom in knowing that we do not have to have what others’ have (at this point) and that it doesn’t make us any less of a person.

I guess our best bet is to hide the “extras” (if any) and stash it somewhere it can grow.

And I know that most of us know that that’s the way to go. It’s just the “getting started” part that’s so slow.

But know that Allah will help those who help themselves. So, we better help ourselves already.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

“unputdowntable”

It’s been a while since I last picked up a book which was so difficult to put down. So far, my picks have been rather... draggy or heavy.

Like this one –

I bought this book for the simple reason that it was written by Elizabeth Gilbert. And that it is the sequel to ‘Eat, Pray, Love’. Just couldn’t wait to see what would happen next.

I wouldn't condemn the book entirely, no. For what it’s worth, I think that it was very well-researched. And that each point is substantiated with a source whether interviews, books or historical facts. There are many useful quotes in it too. Plus, the way it was written was in such a way as if the author was speaking to you rather than writing.

But the downside?

Is that the sentences, pages, chapters and some points seem redundant. I get it that the author was trying to put a point across especially ones which she was really passionate about. But being repetitious? Now, that’s something I cannot stand. If I were the type who goes straight to the ending when I got bored, I would have. Thing is I am not. And that’s why it took me from April – July to finish it.

Having said that though, I think the movie (if any) would turn out quite interesting.

The heavy one that I mentioned (literally), is this one –

credits to Google

I really am taking my own sweet time reading this and alternating with my other reads.

What’s unputdowntable is this –

credits to Google

Dorothy Koomson delivers again! And this one (so far) has been the most exciting, page-turning and unpredictable yet.

From the title “The Ice Cream Girls”, the story line is something I never expected. AT ALL! I slept late nights just reading and reading and reading some more. Who would have thought that Serena and Poppy had to go through all that torture and pain? If I were them, I would have probably committed the crime they were alleged to have committed. Probably much sooner than they did.

But I must tell you that the ending is mind-blowing! You would have probably guessed at some point, but you couldn’t confirm because the author succeeded in casting doubts on just about everything.

It was mind-blowing, I tell you!

And in every sense of the word, unputdowntable, personified.

This one, is most definitely worth the read. Without a doubt.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

you linger on my lips.

Oh, dear. It’s only 11.11 a.m. And my tummy is grumbling. Non-stop. And so loud I think my next door neighbour might think it’s a dinosaur. Or something. Anything that grumbles. Oh, yes. It is THAT bad.

I don’t normally do this because I know how much torture it is to look at pictures of food on a fasting day. But please be reminded that every word you are reading from here onwards is typed by my mean streak. Mean STREAK okay, not STEAK. I know you’re hungry too.

Yesterday’s iftaar was a beef spread. If I had more time, I would’ve made vege tomyum, but I didn’t. So, that beef was what we had, Alhamdulillah for the rezeki.

This morning, we woke up with a jump for sahur because we were a tad (???) late. No, we weren’t a tad late, we were LATE.

If it were not for my husband’s old handphone cokia, we wouldn’t have been able to get even one sip of water. But we managed, Alhamdulillah for that.

But... I have to admit that I’m hungry. I really, really am. It’s so bad, that I can’t stop looking at photos of last night’s iftaar. And thinking of how lovely it would be if I could just sink my teeth into that yummy, juicy black pepper beef. Or how lovely it would be if I could just finish that fluffy leftover omelette because it is just so gee double o dee GOOD. OHMYGOD.

beef spread.

Yes, I cooked them both, thank you very much. *smug face ;p*

Though I don’t know yet what we’re going to have for iftaar today, the one thing I know is that I am so going to munch those two before I start on everything else. No sharing allowed. Husband, please take note.

Oh, dear. I really need to control myself. *salivating like crazy right now please*

I’m going to have to chain my mean STREAK somewhere. AND FAST.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

even in Ramadan.

I always try to improve come each Ramadan.

And this year, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t use Ramadan as an excuse not to do my work properly. Just because I am fasting, does not mean I am disabled. So, I brave through every sleepy moment, motivating myself with notions that my work is ibadah too. This is as a result of seeing even the best of workers being totally “disabled” last year during Ramadan. I vowed I would never be like that.

But, you would be surprised to know how selfish some people can get. Even in Ramadan, no less.

There are times when I feel like crying when I get a piece of work because I can already foresee how late I will be going home because of it.

So, as much as I don’t want to use Ramadan as an excuse for not concentrating on my job, I do think that Ramadan alone is enough of a reason to just let people "go" at an "appropriate" time.

And appropriate time being a time which will give the person enough time to go home, prepare for iftaar, get all fresh and cleaned up, maybe some time for spiritual enlightenment, and have a decent, comfortable iftaar with family and loved ones.

Appropriate time most definitely does not mean letting the person break fast for a while and continue working again. Thankfully this hasn’t happened (yet).

Sometimes, it really is difficult to understand, isn’t it? This month comes only once in a year. Just once. And yet...

I hate it when I miss my tarawikh. But I get so beat each time I get home from work. It’s not enough of an excuse to warrant my missing it, I know. But yes, that’s the truth. The moment I lounge on the bed, the next thing I know, it’s already tomorrow morning.

The harder truth to swallow is the fact that our moral grounds have shifted, so much so that such a special month is no longer treated like it is special. Work is work. And whatever or however you want to celebrate victory for being able to fast until the end of the day (if you even have the time to) is none of anyone’s business. Work is work.

Granted, this comes with growing up, with working. But we might not make it for next year so we might as well make the best out of what we have now, right?

Just some food for thought.

Happy 3rd day of Ramadan. May we all get home at “appropriate times”, at least this time of the year.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

all grown up

Unlike most of you, this year, I didn’t feel the “Ramadan kick”. At first I thought it strange. In fact, I thought it was so strange, I began analyzing what I have been doing all year long leading to Ramadan. Thought that maybe I could find out why I felt so... removed.

Then, last night, it hit me.

I had just... grown up. It was actually that simple.

I don’t have any food cravings (at least not yet). Didn’t feel like eating anything in particular, like when I was little and was allowed to choose anything I wanted to reward myself for fasting a full day. I always chose M&M’s, by the way. Generally, the excitement (about food, particularly) seemed to have dissipated with time.

And I love Ramadan (and food that comes with the month), so you can imagine my worry.

But as much as I attribute my enthusiasm (or my lack of it) to my growing up, I know that it’s partly got to do with the fact that this is the very first year I am embracing it with a husband. I know I should be excited, but I’m more anxious than excited.

Like how I’m constantly thinking about what I am capable of feeding the man (my husband) for sahur, especially. Waking up for sahur, to me is a small feat. But preparing sahur? That makes me part of a different league altogether I think.

Or how I’m constantly thinking of whether I would have the time to cook? Or how much I should cook. Or how much I should buy, or if I should buy at all? I know. These are such silly things that I shouldn’t even be bothered about seeing that there are so many options these days, but it fills my mind with so much doubt, so much so it is hard to ignore.

Or how I’m going to take performing solat tarawikh, which is not in Masjid Taqwa TTDI since I have gotten so accustomed to going there since I could remember. To hearing the voice of the imam there, which almost always made me calm.

Fine. Most of those thoughts are about food too, I know. But it’s just in such a different way, don’t you think?

I know that I’ll get a hang of this soon. I always do. But for now, rest assured that I will be cooking chicken tonight and that husband of mine has requested what he wants for today’s iftar, sahur and tomorrow’s iftar.

At least one of us is excited, ey? ;)

I noticed that this seems to happen on alternate years, for some unfathomable reason. One year I’m an excited monkey, the next I’m stoned. But I know we’ll all be fine, insyaAllah.

Selamat menyambut bulan Ramadan to all out there.


May we find peace and calmness always :)

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

the means to the end.

I’ve never written about this before. But today, I just feel like it.

Babies.

The decision whether or not to have them in the first place, to me, is personal.

But rezeki?

Whether or not a couple is to be blessed with child/ren, is totally and completely a discretion which only Allah can exercise.

We’re entering our 7th month. 7 months of marriage, not pregnancy. Granted, people are curious, so they ask. And most of the time, I tell everyone to relax. It hasn’t even been a year.

Thankfully though, my immediate family, both my own and my in-laws are pretty cool about things. Let’s not get started on my aunties. They tell me to have fun for as long as I want. Just not too long.

And so, when everyone close to me is on my side, their answers to people’s queries make me happy.

Like how Mama answers when she’s asked,

“Relax, baru masuk padang, belum masuk goal.”

On her nicer days, she would simply tell people that “belum ada rezeki.”

But I’ve got to say that Babah’s response has been the most epic yet,

“Macam mana saya nak ada cucu? Anak saya kan baru kahwin 5 bulan? Bukan kena tunggu 9 bulan ke baru boleh ada cucu?”

So... technical. But yet, so true isn’t it?

I often find that I am not pressurized by people’s constant queries. In fact, there are times when I found it amusing, heartwarming even, the fact that everyone cares so much they just HAVE to ask.

But, when people ask me almost everyday until I become all paranoid to meet them? That’s when I feel smoke coming out of my ears.

Especially those times when I just got my period, when I had hoped it didn’t come.

Sex.

It’s often considered a taboo subject to be discussed openly. But what people don’t realise is that they broach the subject in exactly the opposite manner, when they ask a married couple once too often of when they are having a baby.

To many people, their queries are genuine, in good faith. But what they don’t realise is the effect of their questions –

1. The couple wonders what they’ve been doing wrong;
2. They wonder if they are fertile, to begin with;
3. They wonder if it has anything to do with their jobs?;
4. The girl gets all nervous each time her period approaches and when it does come, she gets upset because she knows that her answers will be the same one to the same people who ask the same question at the same place every single day; and
5. The girl wonders why she hasn’t caught the “Pregnant Bug” which has been going around her office?.

And even for someone who normally doesn’t get affected, I am becoming more perturbed. And that to me, is a sure sign that I’ve received multiple blows to my heart. I think people should cut us some slack.

In the end, I make conclusions; that everyone is just kepochi; that they don’t have anything better to start conversations with; that maybe, it’s time for them to start reading some books.

No matter what, I’ve been told the questions don’t end. In the end, you can’t please everyone. And it’s not your duty to.

If you can’t wait to see my beautiful child/ren, you have absolutely no idea how much I want to see my own.

I’ve got their names tattooed across my heart.

Just be reminded that,

“Marriage is not solely about sex. Sex is not solely about babies. Babies are not the only things that make a marriage. All 3 are not solely means to an end. And all are meant to be enjoyed.”

So, go figure.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

tak menjawab soalan

Adik and I were at the movies last Saturday. Before the movie started, there were trailers of upcoming movies. Then, as one of the trailers were playing, I thought that it looked and sounded all too... familiar.

So, I told Adik that I think it might be Final Destination. Turns out that I was RIGHT! Mana taknya, the first time I saw it was the last ever! Never had any dreams of seeing sequels of people getting dying in the most gruesome manners.

But Adik... Hmmmm. She's a sucker for all "hantu-suspense-action-gory" movies. So brave, I tell you.

So, with an excited tone, she asked me,

"Akak, best tak Final Destination tu?"

I said,

"Scary gile"

"Ye la, tapi best ke tak Adik tanya."

"Geli gile"

'"=.="'

I'm sure she thought that I was super blurr (make that dungu) for not answering her question.

Kalau buat peperiksaan mungkin tak cukup markah kerana jawapan tak tepat. No wonder Kertas BM Pemahaman dulu tak pernah score.

Jawapan tak tepat = tak menjawab soalan langsung.

Fail "=.="

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)

HWTT

"I may not have even half your experience. But at least I know that I have at least twice your conscience."

I'm young. I'm driven. I love working. I love my job.

By the "standard definition", I don't fit in as a Government Servant very well.

Because aren't Government Servants supposed to be lazy and stupid?

Well, I admit to a certain extent, I don't blame the public for thinking that, but that is most definitely something I intend to change.

But, It kills me. It kills me to change a culture which has been there since time immemorial. Like someone wise once said, "it's like trying to push a huge rock, which refuses to move."

There are still many free riders. Still many people who don't care much for their work. Or have no pride in the things they produce.

Granted, those things aren't so important around here. The only assessment is the Year End Assessment. Which, if you excel at, would only improve your morale. Not your pay. Or bonus.

Because around here, everyone is treated equally, irrespective of their performance. Or contribution.

So, when your actions do not hurt your pocket, it's something not worth the headache. Right?

But, it's something which hurts others. It hurts others' youth. Others' personal time. Others' right to bring children up.

While we have been taught that it is important to respect the elder, when the elder think very lightly of their responsibilities, to me, they can kiss their respect from me goodbye.

I don't think I would hesitate to give them a piece of my mind the next time I see them.

Because to me, no matter how idealistic it is, everyone should know their place in the world.

We've all a role to play. If you don't play yours, I have to take over.

It's not that I don't want to learn. It's also not because I hate my job. How many times have I mentioned that I love my job?

Did you think I was being sarcastic?

The very thing I am doing right now is to take it all in like a sponge. A bottomless one, if you like.

"High Work Tolerance Threshold" is plastered to my head.

And that's the very thing people use against me. 

There are times when all I want to do is act dumb, play stupid.

And trust me, even that's an effort on my part. 

I simply cannot. I makes my head ache. More than alot of work does.

Sometimes, I don't know how some people can live with themselves. 

But, maybe, just maybe, the system is to blame.

Because it lets those people get away. It condones.

Because there are people like me who don't mind doing the job at a much lower pay. 

If you think Government Servants have it easy, they most certainly don't.

The next time you feel like saying something foul about Government Servants, think twice. And twice again.

Think of me and how I had to go to the office on Sunday morning. Think of me and how I stayed in the office until midnight to get our work done. For a Company which conveniently meshed everything up, hoping that we would rearrange everything. Because they knew we would.

And although I spend 14 hours on the same chair, typing away, I still drive a Saga and he drives an Audi. 

He has a driver. I drive myself. 

He probably has a maid. I'm the one who cooks and cleans in my house.
He probably has a mansion. I can't even afford a house on my loan.

Of course, I never meant to get so personal. But each time you think it's fine or even fun to condemn a Government Servant, think again. 

Think of me and everything I said. The reason why I'm still here is because of my HWTT. And because I believe that if someone had to change the way things worked, it could be me.

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)