Nikah List

I don’t really know where to start with the whole wedding reviews. Where do I start?

Probably I will start off with the list. The basic list which I think every B2B with or without a blog would have stashed somewhere. This list is very essential because without it, you’d basically be grappling in the dark.

Solemnization list:

Date: 01 01 2011
Kursus Kahwin: Done in April
Legal Procedures: done 2 weeks prior to wedding (important procedure and borang for WPKL Brides)
Nikah Venue: Masjid Al-Ghufran, Taman Tun Dr. Ismail
Catering: Masjid Al-Ghufran, Taman Tun Dr. Ismail
Maintable deco: Masjid Al-Ghufran, Taman Tun Dr. Ismail

Theme colours:

• Bride and Groom – Soft pink
• Family – shades of blue/turquoise

Photographers/Videographers: Fotoeve Asia
Wedding outfit: Qamilla Boutique, SACC Mall
Beading: Zaza Bead Me Please
Make-up: Eija
Favours: White box with pink ribbons (assorted nuts) + Yassin (all DIY by Mama, Busu, K.Shikin)
Hantaran: 7 berbalas 9
Cards: Design by Adik, printed at home
Hand bouquet: Eija
Hantaran Deco: K.Shikin

Okay, will review bit by bit by bit in a while. I haven't gotten photos from my OP yet, and since I can't access YouTube, it's a 'lil tough to link you to my Solemnization Video. Will do so soon okay.

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I’d go back to December

Dear Bride-to-Be’s,

This is going to be a ‘lil bit personal.

The following is something I wrote on 1 August 2010. It was about 2 weeks after I got engaged. Little did I know that I would one day look back at those words of caution and appreciate them with all my heart and feel a twinge of regret that I spoke too soon. Way too soon.

click for larger view.

My world basically came apart about 2 months prior to the events.

The details of whatever I went through prior to my wedding are not for public consumption, of course. But safe to say that with lots of do’a and a strong support system, you’d be able to stay safe and most importantly… sane.

I remained calm because of an extremely strong support system. And of course, having a very high pain threshold sort of does wonders as well.

All I can say is that sometimes, when preparing for the wedding, we lose sight of the bigger picture, which is the marriage itself. And no, we are not to blame for it. I used to think that B2Bs shouldn’t be too clouded; that they should know well enough how to demarcate the wedding preparations and the marriage itself.

But, after having gone through such experience myself, all I can say is that… you really can’t help it. You try and you end up being a monster. You try and you drive yourself crazy. You try and you drive your partner crazy (worst case).

You end up saying hurtful words to the people you love, your parents end up saying hurtful words to you. You pull faces and refuse to be happy. You make an issue out of everything. Everyone makes you an issue. And the vicious cycle continues and you can’t help it because Vicious is a strong, strong character.

If anyone reading is one who knows me personally and well enough, they would know that I am not that kind of person. In the words of an old friend, “Kakak is the least likely to be a Bridezilla me thinks”. I thought so too. And never in a million years did I think that I would be like what I was prior to the wedding.

To be honest, I had plans on how I wanted my December to be. I had plans on what I wanted to write a month prior to The Day and every single day leading to my Solemnization. I even anticipated my own feelings. I knew that I would be on cloud 9. I knew that that would be the happiest time of my life.

But actually, I thought I knew. God knows better. It knows BEST.

I was caught by surprise when I couldn’t write any of the things I planned on writing due to the surrounding circumstances. I was surprised when I couldn’t pen down anything. My mind went blank and my heart a ‘lil devoid of necessary emotion and full of unnecessary ones. I cried a whole lot and spent afternoons alone. I became an antisocial. I don’t know why.

I found that I had lost the drive to prepare for my wedding and with that came doubts as to whether I was really ready for the marriage itself. And that’s when the fights began because the Devil (or as Lynn said, “Setan Gemuk”) has managed to at least launch its only Agenda; to make sure that the honest union does not take place.

My advice is to be strong, hold on.

Yes, it is true that you can still turn back and change your mind the moment you have second thoughts about yourself and the person you are about to marry. But ask yourself, “Do I really want to let go of this thing I have waited for all my life?” Even when people tell you that you should walk away and that you should do this and should do that. Ask yourself that question again.

And when you don’t know the answer, Solat Hajat. Read the Quran. It is calming, trust me. Cry all you want and tell God all your insecurities. Believe in that “Bigger Person” when everyone else around you fails you.

I was so engrossed with my preparations and siap fikir how I would feel and what I wanted to do bagai ‘til I forgot that I also need to pray hard to that one and only God who will determine my happiness and sorrow. Turns out that the one thing I needed in the final month was faith. Faith in God - only that. And all I asked for was whatever is best for me.

Because like I said earlier, a marriage is like a gamble the result of which none of us know of.

Setelah selesai semuanya, you have no idea how relieved I feel. Doubts awal-awal tu semua pergi ke mana entah? Tak tahu lah. I don't even know how I managed to look the way I looked like during the Solemnization. Masa Reception tak payah cerita lah since I managed to get ample rest.

It's still a 'lil surreal. It's surreal but wonderful, nonetheless. I felt it the first time dia imamkan solat Maghrib sama-sama and when he said his prayers for the both of us. I don’t think I can trade that feeling with anything in this world.

Somehow, despite everything, I believe that being in a marriage is calming.

It’s settling and I’m settling down. Alhamdulillah.

Whatever your experience may be, cherish it. And like my brother said, "To learn, we must always look back, but at the same time, we should always move forward."

Remember that God will not give you what you cannot handle.

Love, Hanisa.

p.s.: reviews will come up soon. I just left my harddisk at home.

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the girls.



sopex*nadd*dekda*kakak*aleng*wunny*nem*lynn



Now, these girls are in a different league of their own.

I’ve known them ever since they were 13 and we have gone through loads of ups and downs. Bergaduh, berlawan, jerit-jerit to and with each other tu tak payah cerita lah banyaknya. Itu perkara biasa.

But, like my mom said, no matter what happens, these girls will always be your sisters. And I have 157 sisters apart from my own ‘lil sister. Somehow, I’ve become closest to these few. Perhaps because they already knew that I would “disappear” after school and made sure that even if I did, I still existed in their lives, at least.

I was working on that day and planned on making a move the moment I could get out of the office. Because I had errands to run and had to run to Kajang to meet my Busu. I did run errands and did meet Busu and although I planned on leaving her house sooner, I couldn’t bring myself to leave her when she was so happily telling me stories and sharing books with me. The wonders of having an aunty young enough to be your sister. Heee

Tick tock, tick tock, I knew that at some point, I had to excuse myself, somehow.

When I finally pushed off from Kajang, it was probably close to 8 and we all planned on meeting at 8.30 p.m. latest, I think? Oh, no.

But I wasn’t going to go to OU in my work clothes, so I drove home, ran up to my room and changed and was soooo late that the girls had already began with starters and were starting on their meals! Sorrrryyyy!

So, we sat there, chit chatting about work, weddings, marriage, pregnancies and all the funny and serious stories we had to tell. By the end of the night, we were full, happy and high (with yummy brownies – will make sure I get the photo from Nem/Wunny soon as proof that I do eat all the fatty stuff because they thought I haven't been eating) and I couldn’t thank them enough for making time to celebrate the Bride-2-Be (ME!) despite their busy schedules and for waiting for me although I was running really late.

They prepared a ‘lil (big) handmade card for me and gave me a Samurai Sword (to ward off all evil).

It was such a short but sweet affair and we parted with loads of hugs and kisses and love that could last us a lifetime. Simplicity at its best :)

kakak ♥s you all

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Eat Pray Love.

[Bila nak cerita pasal wedding ni? Sabar sikit]

And you thought my friends let the day end at Jentayu? No sirree.

At the point in time when they held my Party, I was going through a very, very rough patch in my life. Nothing was quite right with anything. Work-wise, family-wise, relationship-wise.

It’s as if everything I said and did didn’t do any good and I was up to no good. And it seemed like everything around me was up to no good as well. My best friends were sad and lonely songs and the only thing which could make me feel better was my faith that Allah had plans for me and that whatever they were; they are ones which are best for me.

I just had to learn to fathom the fact that some people (read: me) have it more difficult than some others.

And because my friends are awesome, they knew that. Even if I didn’t tell them or call them directly to tell them about anything, they knew that the only thing I had faith in at that point in time was God; hence the Eat Pray Love theme.

Give them something to plan and they’ll make sure you end up smiling when you sleep at night.

Only… 

I went back in tears.

They brought me to Gardens, The Curve (which I am soooo glad of) because I knew that the food would be good and the portions aplenty (I was super famished after the spa session). Of course, who could ever beat the kind of company I was going to get. We had a full quorum that night. All of them made it. *super touched*

We first began with recitals. We were all given a lil’ gift each with words of love and wisdom and we each had to read it aloud to each other. Some of them were really touching; I wanted to cry (at that point already teary).

Then, after dinner, came the icing on the cake (at first literally) because they bought Cupcake Chic for me (siap bekalkan bawak balik lagi) and then, came the best part of that night.

I was left in tears for a long, long time. I was awestruck and speechless (which is rare for me) and I was basically choked up in my own tears.

What did I do to deserve such wonderful friends like them?

They prepared me a Book of Prayers (which I don’t have a proper photo of yet) where they compiled words of love, wisdom and well wishes of their own.

I couldn’t stop crying. Even when I thanked them, I couldn’t stop. I went back home that night and read and reread the book and I slept with a huge smile on my face and of course, happy tears. Who could ask for a better surprise?

And of course, I really couldn’t ask for better friends.

You really wouldn’t understand why such a little thing (the Book of Prayers) could touch my heart in such a huge way. But that’s probably because you aren’t close to me.

I love it that they took into account all the circumstances in my life at that point in time and still made sure I had a lovely day and an even better end to it.

Friends are family we choose for ourselves and I am more than glad that we crossed each others’ paths, chose each other and decided to stick to each other up ‘til this point in our lives.

I heart you all. You have no idea how much. Thank you so much for everything. Everything.

To many more good years together, insyaAllah :')

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round 2.

We were still in Pavilion after Kenko.

I knew that there was still every inch of possibility that they would take me for a karaoke session, which to be honest, freaked me out, I don’t know why. But of course, they weren’t that mean. Mamita told me countless times not to worry because they all wanted me to relax.

Right after Kenko, they took me to the movies.


But not just ANY movie okay. They went all the way to book us all Gold Class tickets at GSC! SWEET! I have never been there before and so, that was an extremely good experience for me. We watched Harry Potter and I have never loved the cinema as much as I did there before! It was as if I was in the comfort of my own room and I had enough leg room to stretch and to do whatever I wanted. Very, very, very nice indeed!

They were very secretive about our next destination and like I said before, I love to be surprised! They (well, Batul did) bribed me with Subway and told me to eat up. So, I tucked in as Mamita drove to our next destination and kept on talking about stuff until I realised that we were heading towards a familiar direction. Why are we heading towards home?

So, I took a wild guess and asked Mamita if we were going to The Curve. But before she could answer, she took a different turning and I didn’t know where we were anymore. But the next destination (although very secluded) got me jumping up and down in my seat. Eh? Ye, ye, tengah duduk pun boleh lompat-lompat ke? Boleh okay! Try me.

I was so excited and you should have seen the huge, huge grin on my face. I told Mamita that she had no idea how happy I was at that point. I cannot express my gratitude enough to you girls (+1 boy) for spoiling me!

We were at Jentayu Spa in Damansara.

As usual, review about the spa in a separate post okay?

Safe to say that I had the time of my life there. H.E.A.V.E.N.

These pictures say it all.

Thank you so much people! I really can't thank you enough!

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the office.

[ I'll begin my reviews with my Bachelorette Party :) ]

When I say that I have friends who I can trust my life with, I wasn’t just trying to flatter them silly, or trying to brag or trying to make myself feel better about my life.

I do have friends with whom I can trust my life with.

Oh yes, they are the most annoyingly efficient people in the world and yet, that is the very reason why I can safely say I can rely on them for almost everything.

A week plus before December 5th, Mamita booked me for that Sunday, knowing very well how difficult it could get for me to go out of the house at times, especially at times like these.

But whatever the case may be, I wasn’t ready to accept “no” for an answer. No sirree. Not for my own party.

And so, on the morning of 5th December, Mamita came over and picked me up to head to our first destination –

.

.

.

.

.

. 
.
.

HER OFFICE.

Hah! Gotcha. I bet you were guessing something else!

Of course, I didn’t mind at all. The smell of paper and that empty office somehow gave me a sense of peace of some sort, which was difficult to understand. And of course, it gave me a HUGE clue of where our real next destination would be. And so, the (real) next destination was of course, Pavilion.

Throughout the whole journey to her office and also in Pavilion itself, I played loads of guessing games with Mamita. But deep, deep down, I didn’t mind a surprise at all. In fact, I think I needed pleasant surprises MORE than anything. So, I let her take me wherever it was we were going.

That was until I saw Red Box and that’s when I began to freak out. I DO NOT KARAOKE. NO I DON’T.

But turns out that they planned a fish spa session for me instead! Yeyness! I love, love, love fish spas to bits! (that was until I saw how big the fish were at Kenko, that is). These are a few of my failed attempts to let the fish bite the mite off my feet. FAIL!

But once I got the (smaller) fish to be kind to me, here’s how relaxed I became.

And trust me, this was just the beginning of a great day.

Mamita dah tak fail. Tabikkkk! (Walaupun masih geli-geli)

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pantas dan mudah. Alhamdulillah.

Perjalanan ke hari perkahwinan bukan selalu mudah. Kadang kala rasa seperti hati patah, semangat putus dan tiada apa lagi yang kita boleh lakukan untuk membuatkan diri kita sendiri gembira.

Tapi, kawan saya kata, jika seseorang itu baik, Allah akan anugerahkan dia dengan perkara-perkara yang baik.

Memang kadang kala kita hanya ingat Allah pada waktu susah. Dan itulah sebabnya sesuatu yang baik itu tak selalunya mudah seperti yang kita inginkan. Supaya kita ingat bahawa ada sesuatu yang lebih berkuasa dari kita yang bakal menentukan.

Akan tetapi, jika sesuatu perkara itu sudah ditakdirkan, sesudah payah, pasti akan datangnya mudah.

Jodoh pertemuan di tangan Allah. Kita hanya boleh berusaha dan bertawakkal sesudah itu.

Dan berdoa semoga dilapangkan dada kita dan dipermudahkan segala urusan. Jika sesuatu itu baik untuk kita, ia pasti akan menjadi milik kita.

A marriage is a gamble. And like all forms of gambling, you don't really know if you're even going to recover what you have invested. But, if you don't try, you'd never know, would you? Even if you lose in the end, you'd probably still think it worth every penny spent because there is no substitute for experience.

sebelum bergerak ke Masjid Al-Ghufran

I was smiling but I told Mama that I'm scared.

our private joke at that time: "OMG AKAK, I HAVE A MARRIED SISTER!"

WOW.

for eternity, insyaAllah.

relieved, Alhamdulillah.

Dengan sekali lafaz, saya telah menjadi isteri kepada Abdul Karim. Alhamdulillah. 

InsyaAllah, doakan kami sehingga ke akhir hayat and beyond. InsyaAllah. 

photo credits to various photographers. 

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centrifugal.

12 is my favourite number for very obvious reasons.

We all seem to like our birth dates, don’t you think so? And I kind of think that is normal.

Coincidentally, my favourite quote (so far) in a book which Busu lent me is at page 12.

It says,

“I attract to my life whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, whether positive or negative.”

That is keeping me quiet for a while.

Since I can now open FB in the office, I have the luxury of going through the photos in which I was tagged in. I came across the photo above and smiled at the memory. Oh, just in case you are wondering who that guy in the middle is, he was my OP.

There are numerous comments on this photo. A lot of them focus on the subject in the centre, of course, and some comments were made as to why the Groom (the one making the face like Johnny Bravo, dahlah nama pun Johnny, hahaha) was making such a face. It’s such a funny sight and the comments which ensue get even funnier.

But one comment focused on a more centrifugal figure.

And no matter how many times I read the comment, I feel my heartstrings being tugged at. I’m too proud to admit how much of mush this photo is making me because I know that it’s so silly. (I think I just admitted though, haha)

It doesn’t even focus on me.

And as much as I’d like it to be so, I know that whatever that makes sense to me doesn’t necessarily make sense to any other person, for we are all different. So, even though it is silly, it doesn’t matter.

And so, it makes sense that sometimes, we focus on the more centrifugal things in life because it matters to us much more than it matters to others. What may be centrifugal to people might just be the centre of our world?

Easier said than understood, I know. But that’s okay. No right or wrong one, just different lah ;). Kan Eka?

Just like the memory of the photo above.

Oh, good times they were. And good times to come, insyaAllah.

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everybody's changing.

Reminiscence.

I began today with reminiscence. I probably will begin everyday with reminiscence from now onwards.

I left old songs to loop and eventually, I left Everybody’s Changing to play on its own.

It was such a long time ago. It has been so long since the last time I heard that song. But that doesn’t make the song any less important or less significant in any way.

Nice song, isn’t it?

It’s a wonder how songs can affect us and how some songs can tell us more stories about ourselves more than the rest. And although that chapter of my life has now passed, I still remember some things every time it plays. Hmm.

Moving on. Work has been kind of hectic of late. I have been sleeping a lot and have trouble waking up every morning. The weather is to blame, of course. It gets so cold at night that the only thing you can think of the moment the alarm rings is to snuggle deeper into your duvet because that seems like the right thing to do. Although it’ll cost you and you know it. We’re such weird creatures, don’t you think?

But be that as it may, we all change. And right now, everybody’s changing and I don’t feel the same.

But that’s okay. We’ll all change and we won’t feel the same. And that, we can’t control.

What we can determine, though, is whether for better or for worse.

I’d go for better, any time. Of course, dengan izin Allah. InsyaAllah ;)

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waiting outside the lines.

I was an athlete back in school.

I ran 4 x 100 in school. I was always the first runner. But that was not because I was the fastest but because I insisted. I insisted because I couldn’t grasp the concept of someone passing the baton to me.

I had to be the first one passing the baton.

Don’t get me wrong, I did try once in a while to receive the baton rather than being the first to pass it, but more often than not, I dropped the baton when I received it. No matter how ready I was, I was always taken by surprise. Somehow.

I know why, though.

The baton came from the back and I was running forward. Sometimes, I had to look back to see if my teammate was coming any closer. Then, I would see whether or not she was slower or faster than the other teams.

And that makes me lose my focus and of course, lose my speed. I know now that being the subsequent runners is a skill and an art. My job as a first runner was only to begin and to make sure that I was the first team to reach my second runner. But of course, that doesn’t make me any less important of course.

Because I was always the first to face the music. I was always there at the starting line. The white chalk beneath my spikes (or at times, just bare feet) unnerved me. Foul starts made me want to vomit. I felt the burning sensation of sprinting even before my sprints began.

And when I finally reached my second runner, I’d have to wait with bated breath until my last runner makes her victory run. Or not.

Somehow, that athletic streak stuck with me up until now.

I find comfort in the burning sensation in my chest every time I run out of breath. Disturbing, I know. Only now, I am a lone runner, sprinting. Just sprinting.

And right now, I feel like I am at the starting line, just like old times. Complete with pre burning sensation and everything. And after so many years of practice, I still can’t be taken by surprise.

Except good surprises, of course. Even then, I’d still cry.

I’m waiting just outside the lines. For good and better reasons, I am sure of, insyaAllah.

I’m waiting. I’m waiting.

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the memory keeper.

It’s a long lunch hour and here I am in the office.

I do not know what is causing me to not want to go out during lunch hour but I have faith that it is a good reason, whatever it may be.

I have eaten my lunch and I am in the process of fattening myself up. I think everyone around me will grow fat with all their attempts to make me fat because they are eating along with me. It’s a sad and kesian story for them, but well, it’s a true story.

Every time I go online, it’s like I have a thousand words all ready in my head.

It’s just sometimes, I find that I am lost for words despite those 1000 words. I am in a reflecting mood. I am reflecting all that I have done in the past years, way back to those times when I started to remember. I am a memory keeper.

After all these days perhaps couple of weeks I have been away from my blog, I have come to realise more and more that I am a memory keeper and that I have this storage in my head whose capacity I cannot gauge. There is so much in here (my head), I’m not sure whether I love it or hate it at this point.

Point is, I am in a reflecting mood. I am thinking of all I have said and done and I wonder about how it has affected people, in general.

So, now that I am here, reflecting and remembering oh so many things, I would like to apologise for all that I have said and done. Because I am sure that there are other memory keepers out there as well who simply cannot forget or let go of what I have said to them or any wrong I have done to them. Intentionally or not.

Memory keeper needs to get back to work right now because memory keeper was not paid to think of memories at work. Memory keeper is way random today. Way random.

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