"normal"

Under normal circumstances, very few things can leave me unfazed.

Only recently (the past 4 weeks of silence on this blog kind of recently), I'm beginning to wonder what "normal" really is.

I used to think that minding my own business was the most normal thing to do. I come in. I do my job. I leave. I repeat. I don't care about what other people have in their trays. I don't bother them with what I have in mine. And to a certain degree, I expect reciprocity for all the respect I accord to others; their work, their time and their ethics (or even lack of). 

In a nutshell, I do what I need to do to keep my balance. After all, it is said that to avoid falling off the bicycle, you've got to keep on peddling, which I do. But when someone kicks my bike intentionally so that I fall down and hurt, just for the fun of it, I begin to wonder if I've been doing things wrong. And if I too should play that dirty game called "dengki".  

Truth to be told, that thought consumes me. I sometimes catch myself inadvertently scheming evil thoughts and plans because I think that whatever it is I am going through right now is so unfair and that the only way the other person can learn is through a hard and bitter lesson. Each time I think of all that I should do to avenge myself, my chest hurts so bad because it is so abnormal to align each and every thought and action so maliciously, that I start to wonder how others who so naturally do it, can do it so naturally. 

 Seriously. How do you do what you do?

How do you sleep at night?