December 22, 2014


Under normal circumstances, very few things can leave me unfazed.

Only recently (the past 4 weeks of silence on this blog kind of recently), I'm beginning to wonder what "normal" really is.

I used to think that minding my own business was the most normal thing to do. I come in. I do my job. I leave. I repeat. I don't care about what other people have in their trays. I don't bother them with what I have in mine. And to a certain degree, I expect reciprocity for all the respect I accord to others; their work, their time and their ethics (or even lack of). 

In a nutshell, I do what I need to do to keep my balance. After all, it is said that to avoid falling off the bicycle, you've got to keep on peddling, which I do. But when someone kicks my bike intentionally so that I fall down and hurt, just for the fun of it, I begin to wonder if I've been doing things wrong. And if I too should play that dirty game called "dengki".  

Truth to be told, that thought consumes me. I sometimes catch myself inadvertently scheming evil thoughts and plans because I think that whatever it is I am going through right now is so unfair and that the only way the other person can learn is through a hard and bitter lesson. Each time I think of all that I should do to avenge myself, my chest hurts so bad because it is so abnormal to align each and every thought and action so maliciously, that I start to wonder how others who so naturally do it, can do it so naturally. 

 Seriously. How do you do what you do?

How do you sleep at night?


shueyshoelove said...

hey babe! hope everythng is alright at your end. Not sure what u had to endure recently but my story beats everyone elses. seriously. And seriously, ur in such a better place right now. take care ok!

Haneesa said...

hey there! it was just generally a really tough month, work-wise and I really hope that 2015 would be a better year. hope all is well on your end too. we should really meet up for lunch some day okay. take good care as well! :)