selamat sangat

Finally, all papers have come and gone, and to my surprise, Advanced Civil Procedure paper wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. And now, I’m just lazing around on my bed (which btw I haven’t slept on for a week or so due to the mess) thinking about nothing, and listening to melancholic songs yang sangat sesuai dengan jiwa saya.

Am I ungrateful if I said that I don’t really have much of a “life”. I mean, it’s not that I’m dead or anything, it’s just that my life is so routine that I’m getting sick of it. I meet the same people everyday, I go to parties with the same crowd all the time, I go to class, I come back, I read books, I sleep, I eat. Boring kan hidup saya?

And don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the people I meet everyday. In fact, they’re the people who understand me most because we all go through the same series of ups and downs. I’m talking about me.

I feel like I’m living so safely, to the point that it is TOO safe. I go to the same eat-outs, and order the same thing every time. I’m so scared to try new food because I don’t want to waste money. Mengarut tak? I don’t meet up with people though there are just tons of people whom I would love to meet up with now. Like Sonia, K.Edi, K.Za, Myra and more of other people whom I’ve just lost touch with because I’m just TOO busy concentrating on my Honours.

And all this is because to begin with, I don’t even know the road to get to where they are. As far as directions are concerned, I am the Queen of Worst. What’s worse is that I’m actually the Queen of Lost too. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t get lost going to or coming back from somewhere. (except for Subang la because I go there more often now). Even that, sometimes I get confused.

I’m so scared to go out at night, and that’s because of all the gory stories reported in the newpapers which we all are scared of I think. And I don’t travel much because I’m not allowed to drive out of the Federal Territories.

Sometimes, I just feel like my life is stuck in bottle, or a coconut shell, or something of that nature. I lack exposure. I lack a life. I lack permission for alot of things. I lack the trust of my parents. I lack the courage to ask because I’m afraid of rejection. I’m just lacking where life in general is concerned and this honestly sux.

Sometimes, I live too safely just makes me sick, Sick, SICK. Right down to my stomach.

Give me an injection of courage and life. And just let me try to live this life. Not too safely this time.

Sorry emo sikit. It always happens when I see pictures of people overseas travelling to Europe and stuff like that like they didn’t have to bother about a thing. Seronok kan kadang-kadang boleh live life sesuka hati macam itu? Seronok dapat jalan-jalan. Seronok when things are cheap and you’re getting scholarship yang banyak. At least more than mine lah, yang rate 20 tahun lepas. Mimpi jer la nak increment. Pegi mampus.