November 15, 2014

I wish that I could draw.

In fact, I wish that I could do a million other things.

I've been feeling this way for a while now, especially since I started religiously exploring other peoples' pictures on their Instagram account but on Thursday, after I watched a short video of another lady with her son, I felt weirdly insecure.

Somehow, I just felt like I wasn't enough. Inadequate as mother, unattractive as a person in general. And as much as I was aware of how highly inappropriate it was for me to feel that way just because of a complete stranger, it didn't make me feel any better about myself.

In fact, if anything, it made me feel worse.

After work, I went back home to my boys, who greeted me with the most dazzling smiles, with Luqman busily telling me what colour his clothes were and what he did at school that day.

We decided to have dinner outside since I had to collect my phone at the office (accidentally left it on my desk). And since Luqman has been talking about "Epsi (KFC)" quite a bit after one of the birthday parties in school, we decided to give him a treat.

I queued like everybody else. There was probably another 3 people before me who were lucky enough to get their meals the moment they ordered but as my turn approached, I heard the customer at the other counter being told that it would be about 10 minutes before the chicken would be ready and be delivered to their table. I almost wanted to get out of line but glanced at my kid who looked so hopeful so I stayed. 

Nak dijadikan kisah, rezeki Maha Suci Allah, when I ordered, the chicken was just pulled out fresh from the oven, so I didn't have to wait another second to be served and my chicken was in all its yummylicious hot perfection.

I brought our coveted tray to the table and put it down in front of my boys.

Luqman got up from his seat and got soooo excited over the chicken saying all kinds of thing like,

"Wow, Mama, banyaknya!"

"Mama, sedapnya wow Mama Espsi, Mama."

"Bishmillahiwahmaniwahim Awahumabawiknana Bimazazaknana Wakiazabana, amin."

And right there and then, his reaction to that simple meal that I almost always take for granted, put me to great, great shame

If anything, on that Thursday night, I wish that I could be more grateful.

Little beings like Luqman sure do come into our lives for a good reason. 

So, thank You for that. 

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