frustration

Oh, yes. A week has passed already since the day I turned 23 and yes, I still am receiving birthday presents. Just this morning, my firm mates presented me with a prettily packed package, which, when I opened, caused me to jump with utmost joy in seeing the content. They gave me a notepad cooler. Now, how cool is that? So, thanks to them, I no longer have to elevate my laptop manually using whatever books I can grab around me to avoid overheating, as I’ve got 2 very well functioning fans to do that for me.

Ouh, besides, this year alone, I received 4 dresses and an Arsenal jersey as my birthday presents. I don’t know where to wear them to because I’ve nothing to do other than going to classes, which requires me to wear black, white and grey all the time. But I sure am ecstatic about the fact that the 4 dresses are superbbbly to die for. The colours, the cutting, everything is just perfect. I guess I’ve got a good excuse to go out more often now so that I can dress up.

And this year, I can’t even start to count how many birthday celebrations there were. My housemates did one for me at the stroke of midnight, my firm mates brought me out on my birthday along with Faten’s firm, we were surprised by my classmates with a joint birthday party the day after my birthday, Cik Dinie tricked us February babies into coming to a party at Chillis on Friday (of course with the help of Mami and the girls’ respective partners and the rest who came to celebrate us). And lastly, us girls had a belated birthday picnic in Shah Alam just last Sunday to celebrate growing old but being young at heart.

The only bad thing that happened was that the pictures I took with my sister’s camera were automatically deleted when I tried to copy them, and so, I’m left with no memories of those happy moments, other than those in other people’s cameras, which I hope I would be able to copy and post soon.

And right now, apart from the terrible sore throat, the non-stop sneezing and a mild fever coming my way, I’m absolutely content bar a few things which cannot be helped, one of them being the distance, which is somehow or rather taking a toll on our relationship (at least in the opinion of this very paranoid mind of mine.). It’s strange how mysteriously distance works, you know. All this while, it has NEVER really posed a problem on us. We’ve always been accepting and content with the fact that he was in Malacca and that I was in KL. But this time, it’s just different. The fact that he’s in Penang makes it even more difficult to comprehend what I’m feeling. It makes all this paranoia ever so irritating, knowing that I never was that kind of person to be so afraid of where I stood.

It’s even more irritating knowing that I can’t be there in 2 hours; not anymore. It frustrates the hell out of me that I can’t do anything about missing him. Do you get what I’m trying to say? I don’t like feeling like I need to talk to him every hour of the day just because. It never was in me to be the clingy type. I don’t like it when the question “when will I see you again” is indeterminate. It’s frustrating, it’s making tears fall for no valid reason at all, and it’s wrecking me emotionally.

I thought I was stronger? Or am I just going through a phase of adjusting to these changes? Help help help. I don’t know what is becoming of me...