March 31, 2016

hormone casserole

Have you ever felt like one?

I certainly have and am certainly feeling like one right.this.moment.

Totally not cool, if you asked me, especially if all waterworks began right after my husband told me "I'll see you on Saturday, okay?"

So.Not. Cool. And ironic to say the least.

Thing is this always, always happens when he's been home more than "normal" -- like when he comes home in the middle of the week for meetings in HQ or he's home for more than 2-3 days, for example.

Thing is, I love him being home! I mean, OF COURSE I love it when he's home. But the parting makes it SEEM like I don't like it that he's home for more than "normal" because it will inadvertently end up with me in tears! And believe you me, that tear-streaked, swollen eyes-nose-face combo does not make a pretty sight for sore-eyes, especially not in the wee hours of the morning, when someone is about to begin a 4-hour long journey!

My husband's confusion after I broke down this morning after he said "I'll see you on Saturday, okay?" was so apparent... just thinking about it (in retrospect of course...) makes all of this seem so funny! Of course, when it was all happening, it wasn't so funny, because right now, I know that I just sounded and looked so silly, haih. But at the time, I just couldn't help it, please!

I (partly) attribute this to my being pregnant of course... and only partly because crying really is my special power, if I ever had to declare any hehe. Plus it would be so unfair to unload all the blame on Adik Baby for all these tears because clearly, it isn't her fault at all.

It's just that... with 16 days (more or less) to go, I'm really not sure how I should feel.

I'm really not sure if there's enough time to do the things that I have to do like stock up home-cooked food for my boy since he's such an eater and he loves.my.cooking (at least for now, because he doesn't have much of a choice hehe). Plus the fact that there's no packed hospital bag all set and ready in the car (GASP!), which kind of makes me want to kick myself in the teeth, yet at the same time, I'm so beat at the end of the day, I kind of feel like I should cut myself some slack.

And the funny thing is that... I am at the moment, making such a big deal out of the silliest, smallest things -- like whether or not I actually bought that bunny rabbit cap for Adik Baby in the first place?; or whether or not I'd be able to get that cute little cupboard I've been aiming for before I give birth?; or whether or not I'd be able to eat that lovely mango lassi-fruit combo which my ex-boss treated me to again before I go to the labour room; or when I would be able to get all the ingredients needed to make that parfait (probably the only thing I'm craving at this point); or whether I should get a whole month's stock of disposable panties and how much sanitary pads and panties should I be getting again? -- I've gone without my period for so long now that I have forgotten all about them. 

Eh, wait, what on earth am I supposed to bring to the hospital? I've been googling way too much on what not to bring that I now officially don't know what I should bring. And bila nak cuci breastpump parts and bottles ni???

Can you sense my panic? HAHAHAH.

Maybe I should consider going out for lunch. Like right about now?

Sheesh, I think I really am going nuts! Like a walking waddling human hormone casserole!

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