March 08, 2016

without a doubt

Without a doubt, when adult companionship and conversation is scarce during the week while waiting for my husband to come home -- the struggle is real. Without a doubt, when I sometimes lose my cool and the temperature rises between us (re: Luqman and I) both, we've had to go through our fair share of fights, causing bucketful of tears and teary nights.

But on days like today just last week, where laughter was free-flow, hugs were aplenty and sloppy kisses abundant, I think about all my early motherhood hurdles, my sleepless nights and constant worrying and remind myself that even though good things take time to reap after they are sowed, they are, without a doubt, (wonderfully!) worth it after all. 

These are the last few of my weeks alone with Luqman -- and somehow, unlike how most mothers feel, I am not feeling sad about the fact that he will be getting a sibling to share with me soon. More than anything, I'm mostly excited!

Although some days he acts out in rebellion (especially after a trip to the mall where everything is about buying his Adik's things) and tells me outright how he only loves me and not his Adik, most days, he ADORES her and talks to her like she's already born.

There are endless kisses to my growing belly despite his constant mocking of how huge my face is or how big I am in general (you have no idea how cheeky he is and I have no idea where he gets it from *stares at husband hmmm*) and their unilateral conversations are really, really comical plus he's really, really protective over this little girl now growing inside of me -- that I feel lucky and blessed to have such an understanding firstborn. His jealousy and antics postpartum is something we'll just have to embrace and deal with later when the time comes.

I'm really excited to meet my little baby girl too! -- because I feel like I'm so ready for this -- and also because I'm feeling so heavy and lethargic and sleepy all the time hehe. I know things won't get any easier when the newborn is actually out in the "real world" but still doesn't turn me off from wanting to see her and hold her in my arms and plant kisses on that face which she is so intent on hiding. Can you believe that the last time I saw her face during her scan was in December? Thereafter she wouldn't let any of us see that face! Grrr!

Anyways, speaking of being so ready, I really actually am not sure how I'm going to fair as a mother of 2. The endless possibilities scare me -- how it's going to change me scares me -- how it's going to affect us all scares me. Having said that though, I am trying to study every early motherhood hurdle I had to go through previously in hopes that I would be able to jump through them more gracefully this time -- or better still, eliminate the hurdle altogether.

But if despite all my efforts I'm still met with either a different set or the same set of obstacles along the way, this post would be here to remind me that at some point, all of it, without a doubt, is worth it. Wonderfully worth it.

Like really, with this (or better 2 of this!) to come home to, why wouldn't it be, right ;)
muka gembira makan roti krim coklat.

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